ER VS The Infestation of Jeffery
by evilspoofauthorCassi
Summary: FINISHED! Chapters15 and 16 are up, the uh operation is over, and we gave it the weirdest ending you'll ever see. Well, knowing us, that's hard to say, but you're really gonna love this one!
1. Psychotic Doctors and Unexplained deaths

ER VS. THE INFESTATION OF JEFFERY By Cassi & Sven (evilspoofauthors2&1)  
***********************************************************************  
DISCLAIMER: We do not own them....nor do we own Jeffery, much to our utter dismay...  
although like the raptors, his name and personality belong to us. The ER docs, only belong  
to us when they sell us their souls, and even then we only get them for a year's service. At  
this point in time, "Forbidden Spoof: The Chase" is going on, as well as the end of "Jurassic  
Spoof III" So this is yet another one that hasn't happened yet. Also going on toward the   
end in Chameleon. The main plot....has nothing at all to do with Jeffery. He was a casualty  
of the situation. This all started when Cassi came to the hospital in yet ANOTHER attempt  
to persuade Romano to sell out to us....the way this man is going, you'd think we were Satan.  
All we want is to replace him with a clone so he doesn't have to lose his arm....isn't that nice  
of us? For information sake, Kovac has been gone since he had that breakdown. The one  
Weaver called about the Greencard was not Kovac, but his clone. He's been with us for a   
while. Carter left the set the day his Gamma died, and he called up Ardeth because Abby   
took off. This story now takes place after Gamma's death, and before Romano deep fried his  
arm. For those who read the "Forbidden Spoof: The Hunter", there was a paper house. Inside  
this house were a bunch of things. In the second one, the house exploded from the inside out.  
Due to the fact that not all inside the house were from the Shadow World, they all got out.  
This is about where a few of them went......and unfortunately, it wasn't Marvin or the Bamfs  
that ended up at County....but instead, it was a few choice occupants of an extremely messy  
room..............  
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PRELUDE ...."THE QUICK EXPLAINATION"  
(Just after the events of "A Thousand Cranes")  
**********************************************  
This is just a quick explaination...Carter parked his jeep in the parking garage....and this was  
actually when he was still there as himself, and not a clone. Anyway, for some reason, he  
didn't look under his car....which really isn't a normal habit, so I suppose this is believable.  
And naturally, the unsuspecting doctor, as he walked inside, did not turn to look behind him...  
(for a man who was stabbed in the back, you'd think he would have), however, he didn't....  
And because he didn't, he didn't realize something had decided to follow him to work. Don't  
ask us WHY Jeffery felt bonded to Carter...who can explain these things? I suppose Ardeth  
could, but that's not important right now. Where were we? Oh right. Jeffery. I suppose it  
would make more sense if we explained who exactly Jeffery is. Well, don't just sit there! Go  
back and read Forbidden! We'll wait.......(long pause) Are you done yet? Okay fine already!  
Always gotta take the easy way out...Our little friend Jeffery...um, okay, I suppose "little" is  
kind of the last word that would apply to him, considering he's bigger than most of his spiecies.  
Although, to us...and to...well Bill perhaps, he is rather small. Jeffery came from a movie....like  
most of our other characters....he is not a mammal. He is at the top of the food chain where  
he came from, and will jump to the top of it in County General. He has a leg span of 12 inches  
and he starred in the movie "Arachnophobia". To give you a general idea, he is not one of  
the PEOPLE in this film....in fact, he's the General. Everyone got a mental picture now? Good,   
then we'll continue.   
From the under carriage of Carter's jeep, Jeffery dropped to the floor. He had liked Carter for  
some strange warped reason, and wanted to follow him around. This was how Jeffery got into  
the elevator shaft....the people there, naturally, had no clue. Let's face it, Venezuelan spiders  
are very uncommon in Chicago. As you're probably already figuring, no one noticed they   
even had a problem until Jeffery created himself a new army inside the hospital. We now begin  
about the time of "Things Change" Romano is Chief....they travel in tribes now, we didn't   
know this.....Gamma is dead, much to our dismay, although the funeral hasn't happened yet, and  
Carter hasn't left the hospital yet. In left, we mean "replaced himself with a clone" the real one  
is still there. Carter leaves right after the funeral, as he needed some time to recover. And  
we agreed because we didn't want to have to bring back the med team a THIRD time! By  
third time, we mean Carter did it in Lost World, the spoof, and then Romano did it when he  
lost his job to Weaver. So by this time, Romano has had a MAJOR psychotic breakdown,   
hence the reason we're trying to convince him to take some time off. Anyhow, now that   
everyone's caught up...assuming you understood all that....we give you the newest breaktime  
story!  
************************************************************************  
CHAPTER ONE....."PSYCHOTIC DOCTORS AND UNEXPLAINED DEATHS"  
************************************************************  
It was Chicago. (on the screen, the word "Chicago" shows in front of what appears to be  
the Statue of Liberty) **Authors give the cameraman a brainduster and the scene changes to  
Cook County General hospital** It was a day like any other. (the words "A day like any other"  
flash on the screen) Okay, we'll start already. Sorry, I couldn't help that last bit. I saw it in  
"Silence of the Hams" and had to try it.  
---------------  
In the Ambulance Bay, a familiar figure approaches the hospital. She has a walkman on, and  
is dressed in her usual 80's style clothes, with her skunk-striped hair in an 80's fashion,   
resembling that of Marie Fredriksson...only longer in the back...Anyway, she walked inside   
the hospital, setting off the metal detector. What had set it off did not matter. The security   
guards approached her.  
  
Cassi raised an eyebrow, and grinned. "Ribbit." She retorted, slyly.  
  
The guards looked at one another and waved her on through. We assume this was because   
they didn't want a repeat preformance of last time. **Youth Elixir**  
  
Once inside, Cassi glanced around. Where was he? "Hey Jerry." She spoke up, eyeing the  
desk clerk.  
  
Jerry frowned. "Hey, Cassi. What are you doing here?" He asked.  
  
"I had the sudden inspiration to wreak some havoc." Cassi answered. "Is he around?"  
  
"Who?" Jerry asked.  
  
Cassi rolled her eyes. "George of the Jungle! Who do you think?!"  
  
Jerry nodded, understandingly. "His Majesty was in the trauma room about a minute ago."  
He informed her. "Now, I have no idea. You want me to page him?"  
  
Cassi sighed. "Yeah, tell him Satan is still wanting his soul."  
  
"You mean he doesn't already have it?" Randi cracked.   
  
"Don't make me shoot you." Cassi remarked, flatly.   
  
Jerry snickered as he punched buttons on the phone.  
  
Cassi jumped up, seating herself on the desk, and pulled out a Fruit by the Foot, to eat while  
she waited.  
  
At the sound of the package opening, Carter turned from the patient he was examining. "Do  
you have any more of those?" He asked.  
  
Cassi grinned. "Yes." She answered.  
  
"Can I--" He began.  
  
"No." Cassi told him. "You're rich. I'm poor. Buy your own."  
  
Haleh rolled her eyes as she passed, pushing a wheelchair. "Do you even know what's in   
those things?"   
  
"Yeah, we're pretty sure it's heroin." Carter informed her. "But we can't prove it."  
  
From the trauma area, Romano caught sight of Cassi seated on the Admit desk, and shook his  
head. "She's at it again." He muttered under his breath. "Cas!" He went on, louder. "What  
brings you here?"  
  
Cassi jumped off the desk. "Oh, like you don't know." She answered. "Can we talk in the   
lounge?"  
  
Romano shook his head. "Exam one's empty." He replied. "Lounge is too busy....come to try  
and make me sell out again?"  
  
"You honestly think I enjoy watching you torture yourself?" Cassi remarked, pointedly. "Me  
torturing you is one thing, but self torture....that's just sick."  
  
Romano gave her a Look. "Oh like you don't practice self-torture every time you pluck your   
eyebrows."  
  
"That doesn't count." Cassi defended. "That's just self multilation...but I look better   
afterwards. Yours is for pretty much nothing."  
  
"Lizzie is not nothing." Romano argued.  
  
"Oh she'd want you to do it." Cassi retorted. "Why don't you ask her?"  
  
"I saw what it did when Greene left, I don't need to ask." Romano told her.  
  
Cassi sighed, frustrated. "You do know the only reason they cut off your arm was to top  
his dying last year, right?"  
  
"So you've told me." He answered.   
  
"Ask her....maybe she'll go with you." Cassi suggested. "We all know she likes you."  
  
"I told you...not unless I had no other choice." He informed her.  
  
"Okay, how's this?" Cassi remarked, seriously. "You're going to lose the whole arm if you  
don't leave."  
  
This got his attention. "And you know this for sure?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah, it's for sure." Cassi confirmed.   
  
Before Romano had too much time to think about it, they were interrupted by Chuny, who  
slammed the door open. "Dr. Romano, that patient that came in for sutures just crashed."  
  
"What?!" Romano demanded, rushing out of the room, with Cassi following.  
  
By the time they made it to the suture room, Abby and Pratt were staring at the patient in   
shock. The patient was obviously dead.  
  
"What the [heck] is going on here?!" Romano demanded. "This guy came in with a laceration  
on his arm! Usually, this does NOT kill a person."  
  
"When I came in here to do the sutures, he was seizing." Pratt explained. "Before I could even  
get him on a gurney, he was dead."  
  
"Pupils fixed and dilated." Abby informed him.  
  
"Maybe he saw Pratt and had a heartattack." Cassi spoke up.   
  
"I doubt that." Romano told her. "This doesn't look like a heart attack. Find out what did this  
before his family decides to sue us."  
  
Carter stared from the doorway. "Weird....this is the second person we've lost like that." He  
informed Romano.   
  
"When was the first one?" Romano demanded. "And why wasn't I told?"  
  
"Just before you came down here." Carter answered. "They did an autopsy, and the results   
show an unknown neuro-toxin in the bloodstream."  
  
"That was the banger, right?" Pratt asked.  
  
Carter nodded. "We assume it was something he'd ingested. The Tox-screen showed evidence  
of heroin."  
  
"Must have ate some of those fruit rolls you people are pigging out on." Pratt retorted.  
  
Romano fixed him with a glare. "Leave our addictions out of it, and find out what the [heck]  
this was."   
  
As Romano stepped out of the room, Cassi frowned, noticing something that looked familiar.  
"What's that?" She asked, pointing to a mark on the patient's wrist.  
  
Pratt eyed the mark. "Looks like an insect bite." He informed her. "Probably not important."  
  
Cassi looked closer. "Looks almost like a spider bite." She insisted. "Maybe the spider killed  
him."  
  
Pratt stared at her like she must be some idiot. "I would think that's highly unlikely." He  
told her.   
  
Cassi thought a moment. "That's what they said in "Arachnophobia", too." She retorted.  
  
Pratt rolled his eyes. "That's a movie." He explained as if Cassi were five. "Things that   
happen in movies are not always real."  
  
Cassi frowned. "But--"  
  
"Look, why don't you go play with Romano now?" Pratt suggested. "You have no medical  
experience, and I have a job to do."  
  
"Well, yeah but we--" Cassi began again.  
  
Pratt pushed her out of the room. "Go play with Romano." He ordered.  
  
As the door closed in front of her, Cassi glared. "I hope you get ATE!" She snapped, stalking  
off to find Romano. Instead, she found Carter first. "Carter!" She called.  
  
Carter turned and walked over. "He's in the lounge." He informed her.   
  
"He is?!" Cassi remarked. "You actually SAW him!?"  
  
"We're talking about Romano, right?" Carter asked with a frown.  
  
"Oh...Romano...um...no, not really." Cassi confessed. "I think you guys have a problem here."  
  
"What do you mean?" Carter asked.  
  
"I saw a spider bite on that guy's arm." Cassi answered. "And then I realized that the last  
place I saw Jeffery was in the paper house....." She trailed off.  
  
Carter's face paled. "And the paper house exploded." He finished. "You don't think there's   
a chance that he could be here, do you?"  
  
"Well, that is a possibility." Cassi told him. "He liked you....remember?"  
  
Carter nodded. "I see."  
  
"You might wanna keep your eyes open." Cassi told him. "And of worse comes to worse.....  
make a few miracle pills, so you guys don't get sued."  
  
"Hey Cassi!" Susan cried as she came around the corner. "Are you back to try to make   
Romano sell himself to the Dark Side?"  
  
Cassi nodded. "Yeah, still going." She replied. "But you guys have a problem."  
  
Susan frowned. "What?"  
  
Carter sighed. "Cassi thinks Jeffery's loose in the hospital." He told her.  
  
Susan stared. "Jeffery as in THE Jeffery?!" She managed to whisper. "The big hairy Jeffery?!"  
  
Cassi nodded. "That would be him." She answered. "He's been missing for a while on the  
set and that guy in the suture room had a spiderbite....and the one that bit him wasn't Jeffery.  
The bitemarks were too small."  
  
"Then he's multiplied already." Carter concluded.   
  
Susan started looking around the floor and the corners. "Oh God, you had to say that, didn't  
you? Now, I'll never be able to touch anything again." She muttered.  
  
"Cassi!" Romano called from the Lounge door. "Were we still talking, or are you leaving   
now?"  
  
"Good luck." Susan whispered, as Cassi walked off.  
  
Inside the Lounge Cassi pulled a vial of Healing Elixir out of her pocket.   
  
Romano eyed it and sighed. "So that's it, huh?"   
  
Cassi nodded. "If symptoms persist for more than 15 seconds after ingesting, we'll throw you  
in the river." She informed him.  
  
"But if I take it, I have to leave, correct?" He asked.   
  
Cassi nodded. "Yeah, that's true." She answered. "Um, Rob, there's something else going on  
right now......it's not really good."  
  
"Does this something have to do with the deaths here?" Romano demanded. "Please tell me  
you didn't decide to throw yourselves another party here!"  
  
Cassi shook her head. "No, we're pretty sure this was an accident....and we're really not even  
sure."  
  
Romano pinned Cassi against the counter. "What did you do?" He demanded.  
  
"I didn't!" Cassi defended. "I'm just saying what I SAW!"  
  
Romano backed away. "Okay, what did you see?" He asked.   
  
"The guy was bit by a spider." Cassi told him. "I saw the bite marks, but Pratt said it was   
not important.....but what I'm getting at is that the paper house exploded!"  
  
Romano sighed. "Okay, how did he get here and when?"   
  
Cassi shrugged. "Like he punches a time clock?" She remarked, shrugging. "Ask him! I   
wouldn't know!"  
  
Romano shook his head. "Great, so now I have to call up Kerry and tell her to be on the look-  
out for a bunch of killer spiders...." He muttered.  
  
"Aww, do you have to tell her?" Cassi asked with a groan. "Can't we wait till they bite her?"  
  
Romano frowned, considering this. "Well, we have to tell Lizzie." He told her. "They might  
have a problem up there, too."   
  
Cassi nodded. "If he's been here as long as I think he has, I'd say all the floors have a   
problem. You guys got through the vents, so can they."  
  
The two of them stepped out of the lounge. "Abby!" Romano called.  
  
"Yeah?" She asked as she came over.  
  
"Page Corday down here 911." Romano ordered. "And keep an eye on the patients, we don't  
need anymore dropping dead on us."  
  
"Is this thing about Jeffery true?" She asked.  
  
Romano gave her a Look. "Always a possibility." He informed her. "Just don't mention it to  
Weaver until we're absolutely sure.....you know, like when one bites her.....and whatever you  
do, DON'T tell the patients!"  
************************************************************************  
  
End part one. Let us know if you're interested. We're not sure where this is going to go from  
here. And yes, Dave will be in it, as well as Lucy Knight....and Kovac may have to come back   
after the death of his clone. 


	2. Jeffery is in the Building

Section two....I'm not encouraged by the amount of reviews we have.....and right now, my legs,  
knees, and back are really bugging. And that's NOT a pun! I am in need of painkillers, which  
means in the near future, this story will in fact get funnier. The Authors, desperate to get their  
investment back....end up offering a hundred dollars for every spider captured...alive. If they  
are dead, they don't count. If they bite you....well, you're dead and it doesn't count anyway.  
But mind you, you can only be bitten and killed once. You cannot die twice by the same spider  
venom. (by rules of Magna Carta "You cannot be hanged twice for the same offence") On our  
set, this applies to deadly viruses and venom....generally African Motaba and poison venom.  
Believe it or not for those who have not read the spoofs, African Motaba is very common   
around our set...generally when you spend as much time around Betsy as some do....speaking  
of Betsy.......well, we'll just get back to the story now....Enter Lizzie, Sven, and more......  
*************************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER TWO: JEFFERY IS IN THE BUILDING  
*********************************************  
Elizabeth Corday stepped off the elevator with a sense of dread. What on earth could she have  
been paged for this time? She sighed as she approached Abby. "Who paged me?" She asked,  
sounding tired.  
  
"I did, Mom." Abby retorted with a grin. **Spacefreaks, Lizzie and Romano became Abby's mom  
and dad**  
  
"That's not funny, Abby." Elizabeth answered, annoyed. "Now if you would direct me to the   
emergency..."  
  
Abby nodded, and motioned toward the Admit Desk, where Cassi was seated...on top of the  
desk, and talking on the phone. Romano stood nearby, looking as if he wasn't sure he was   
going to have a monster headache or just strangle the woman.   
  
"What's going on?" Elizabeth asked, eyeing the pair.  
  
Abby bit her lip. "Are you sure you really wanna know?" She asked, seriously.  
  
On the phone, Cassi continued talking. "Look! I don't have the slightest CLUE how he got   
here!" She went on. "All I'm saying is that we need the blonde guy on ice brought back, and  
down here NOW!" She paused. "And while you're at it, bring back that Kevin Spacey clone  
we've had for the last seven spoofs! Blonde guy needs to be Motaba vaccinated, and Casey  
needs anti-venon for Jeffery. And hurry up and get Atherton down here before the whole   
building drops dead!"  
  
Next to her, Romano was eyeing the patients. "Uhh, Cas? Can you possibly talk any louder?"  
He asked quietly. "I don't think they heard you IN SCOTLAND YET!!!"  
  
Cassi looked at him, sternly. "I'm on. The phone." She snapped. "Besides, don't go blaming   
me! I'm not the one who let the giant killer spider into the building."  
  
Elizabeth paled and looked at Abby. "Please tell me she's joking, right?!" She demanded.  
  
Abby looked at the floor and shook her head.  
  
Beside Romano, a med student approached, looking excited. "Do you want me to get some   
Haldol, sir?" He asked, quietly.  
  
Cassi, hearing this, turned sharply. "Who the heck is that?!" She spat out.  
  
"A med student....he's new. Ignore him." Carter spoke up, pulling the student back.  
  
"That's the future of medicine." Romano muttered.  
  
Cassi eyed him. "Well put him back in his cage before I shoot the future of medicine." She  
remarked, glaring. "It wasn't my walkman that set off that metal detector, pal."  
  
Elizabeth rushed over to the desk. "Please tell me this isn't for real." She whispered.  
  
Romano sighed. "You wish." He snapped, then shook himself when he realized it was Lizzie  
he was talking to. "Cassi thinks Jeffery's in the building."  
  
"There's no proof of it yet, but Cassi got a hold of a Doctor who knows that sort of thing.....at  
least she says he knows them." Jerry explained.  
  
Cassi smiled. "Dr. A had better know them....they DID kill him." She told them. "He's the one  
who brought Jeffery out of the jungle anyhow."  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Oh thankyou very much." He muttered. "That makes me so much   
more confident in him."  
  
"Um, the fact that they killed him....doesn't that mean that they can't kill him again?" Jerry  
put in.  
  
"Yes." Cassi answered, hanging up the phone. "Dave said he'd escourt him in when they get  
him back."  
  
Before anyone could respond to this, Elizabeth's pager chirped. She pulled it off, looking at it,  
and groaned. "Looks like there's been another death." She told them, heading for the elevator.  
  
"Where?" Romano asked, catching her elbow.   
  
"Recovery. I'll have to talk to Shirley." Elizabeth remarked.  
  
"If you find a bite, call Carter. He makes the pills." Cassi told her as the elevator doors closed.  
------------------  
"That didn't sound promising." Chuny spoke up.  
  
"Um...yeah....just....avoid the spiders." Cassi remarked, heading back for the main desk. "Oh  
yeah....watch it. They are jumpers."  
  
"Oh thanks. That's what I needed to hear." Haleh muttered, cautiously looking around the   
floor.  
  
"Cassi!" Jerry called from the desk. "Dave's on the phone. He says Dr. A's back and he would   
like to speak with you."  
  
Cassi grabbed the phone. "Oh, put him on.....hey Dr. A! You know you're really cute?" She  
paused. "Aww...you're kidding! We like Dr A!" She paused again. "Well you know we're   
gonna call you that anyway, right?"  
  
Romano, next to her, was staring like she was from the moon. "Cas? Spiders? Killing people?"  
He reminded her.  
  
"Oh yeah." Cassi answered. "Yeah, we've had about three deaths so far....we think...but one  
was a banger and not important...something about heroin." She paused, listening. "Yeah, he's  
probably here. Why, did you want me to put him on? I mean I haven't seen him yet, but Carter  
could probably find him." She paused again. "Right...schematics...no problem. Creepy had a   
set when we changed them into five year olds....no, you don't wanna know. Okay, we'll see  
what we can do....Later!" She hung up. "Dr A needs a set of schematics for the building and  
a live specimen. Have one of your med students go catch a spider....he also says someone   
might wish to go to the morgue and check the dead guys...assuming there are still some down   
there, after Jonathan had his party."  
*************************************************************************  
  
An hour later, Sven had arrived...with a decidedly suspicious-looking fellow, who was rather   
short (meaning about five inches shorter than Romano), with green hair, and a white mohawk,   
wearing a pair of green shades, and a black outfit. He was known only as Stripe, and had   
volunteered his entire family to help hunt the spiders....with the exception of one cousin, called   
Mohawk, who liked spiders and wanted no part of their demise. **We'll let you figure this out,  
although Mohawk also appears in Forbidden**  
  
Sven had sent two of her Assistants, Chris Mason and Dor, to find a man known as Chris  
Collins, who had been an Assistant to the late Dr. A, and would know more about the spiders  
who were most definitely loose in the building.  
  
A trip to the morgue, made by Gallant, had turned up hard evidence that there was definitely a  
problem. The bodies in the morgue, of course, were untouched. It was the presence of several  
piles of dead spiders beneath the Snap Dragon plants, that had apparently been left there by  
Dawn and Irene in the Youth Elixir spoof, who had grown the plants to guard the girls base...  
**And as Snap Dragons are not the easiest plants to move, they were left to guard the   
morgue....and apparently, the plants did not like the taste of killer spiders.**  
  
Unfortunately, no one had come up with a live specimen for the good doctor. However, Gallant  
had brought several of the corpses to the lounge, where Romano had managed to move Cassi.  
Carter was seated in the corner, making miracle pills, and the others were discussing where the  
infestation could have originated.  
  
At the main desk, Jerry was seated, cautiously looking around under it, when Dave entered the  
hospital with a VERY gorgeous British man, who had long blonde hair, pulled back in a pony-  
tail. **And for those who are clueless as to who Julian Sands is...we're sorry. He's most well  
known for the Warlock, although he's in Arachnophobia as well as Vibes, and lots more, but   
these are just the ones we own** Anyway, Dave and Gorgeous Pony-tail Man.  
  
"Hey Jerry, this is Dr. A." Dave informed him, motioning to the gorgeous guy...**Fine, Cassi  
will stop now...but he is gorgeous**  
  
"Dr. James Atherton." He corrected, shaking Jerry's hand. "Where is this Cassi?"  
  
"They're in the lounge." Jerry answered, pointing. "Dr. Romano wanted to keep this as quiet   
as possible."   
  
Atherton nodded. "Are they absolutely sure it's the Venezuelan spiecies?" He asked.  
  
"They are, now." Jerry told him. "Gallant found a load of dead ones in the morgue. They got   
ate by Snap Dragons."  
  
Atherton blinked, and nodded. "Did they find me a specimen yet?" He went on, as if they  
were discussing the weather.  
  
"Ummm, no." Jerry answered. "But Dor can question the dead ones when he comes in....at  
least that's what Sven said."  
  
"Right then." Atherton remarked, shaking his head. "Please direct me to your lounge, then,   
Dr. Dave."  
  
As the pair entered the lounge, med students and patients staring after them, three more men  
walked in. A biker with waist length hair, a kind of nerdy guy wearing glasses, and Dor. The  
biker, in case you're wondering, is Chris...um okay, there's two Chrises, but the biker is Chris  
Mason. "Hey Jerry!" Chris called out. "Dave make it yet?"  
  
Jerry nodded and motioned to the lounge. "Is this the other spider guy?" He asked, quietly.  
  
Dor nodded. "Chris Collins." He introduced.  
  
"They're in the lounge." Jerry replied, still looking around the desk.  
  
LOUNGE  
**********  
Atherton was looking the dead spiders over. "Hard to say." He muttered. "These look the  
same, but I can't tell from just the dead ones."  
  
"Wait for Dor." Sven told him. "He can at least find out if the spider was poisonous."  
  
"Where's the most likely spot for these guys to put a nest?" Romano questioned.  
  
Atherton shook his head. "I would have said the morgue, but as your killer plants are in there,  
it's hard to say." He answered. "They need someplace dark....and where they won't be seen."  
  
"Elevator shaft?" Stripe suggested. "That's where I would go....that and the maintenance   
closets....under stairways....ventilation systems...."  
  
"Who is this?" Atherton asked.  
  
Stripe pulled off his shades to reveal a set of yellow slit pupiled eyes. "I'm Stripe." He informed  
them. "I used to be a Gremlin, but now I can change shapes." **Thanks to a gypsy, in a story  
that Sven never finished, and can't find, and really doesn't remember all of.**   
  
Romano groaned. "You brought a GREMLIN in here?!" He demanded, staring at Sven. "Don't  
we have a big enough infestation without them!?"  
  
Stripe gave him a Look. "Hey, we can get into places that you can't, and we know more about  
infestations than any humans do....including Dr A over there." He informed them all. "It was  
just Mohawk that didn't want to help catch them. Ole Mohawk wanted to join the spiders."  
  
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." Elizabeth mused, with a small grin.  
  
"Mohawk?" Atherton asked. "Sorry, I've only been alive for about an hour and a half now.   
Would you care to explain this?"  
  
"Mohawk....the Spider Gremlin." Stripe answered. "He's really big.....he prefers to build his  
webs in the hallways and stairways."  
  
"That's because he wouldn't fit anywhere else." Sven retorted, flatly.  
  
"Gremlins come in spiders now?" Atherton asked in disbelief. "I HAVE been dead a while."  
  
"Genetics lab." Cassi explained. "Long story...needless to say, there's a Veggie one, a Bat one,  
a Girl one, a smart one, an electric one, and a bunch more we forget, but that's not important."  
  
Before there could be more comments made, Dor and Chris opened the door, entering with   
Chris Collins.....who was a little surprised to see his boss alive again.  
  
"Dr. Atherton?!" Collins managed to get out before he fainted.  
  
Atherton eyed him. "Yes, that's about how I remember him." He remarked. "Tell him to quit  
wasting time. We have to get these creatures out before they have to have the building   
evacuated."  
  
"No kiddin'." Cassi retorted. "If we do that, we'll have to tell the Chief of Staff....quite frankly,  
we were waiting for her to get ate."  
  
"Your Chief of Staff doesn't know?" Atherton demanded. "Why on earth not?!"  
  
"Because we decided to tell her after the spider bites her." Dave informed him. "Besides, until  
recently, Romano WAS the Chief of Staff."  
  
Collins, having finally picked himself off the floor, was now staring at Dr. A. "What's going on?"  
He asked, quietly.  
  
"Ah, Mr. Collins." Atherton spoke up with a smile. "It seems our Venezuelan spider has found   
its way here. They need us to help get them out before too many more of the patients are   
killed."  
  
"Tell me you're not serious." Collins answered, sitting down. "How?"  
  
"That's what we're not sure of." Romano replied. "All we know is that he's here and we're now  
up to five deaths as a result. Carter's working on getting them back, but we really can't have all  
our patients dropping dead on us with spider bites....it's bad for the hospital."  
  
"Why haven't you evacuated the building?" Collins asked, as if they were insane to have not  
done so....okay, that one's a true statement. **We are well aware that the number one protocal  
would be to get all patients out of the building....however, we also know that this problem came  
from our set...and we're bringing back the dead guys.**  
  
"If we evacuated the building, screaming there's killer bugs in here, they'd shut us down in a  
second....we really can't afford to have another evacuation within one year." Romano informed  
him. "We'd have to pay for the fumagation, and from what we've already been told, the pesticide  
might not even work."  
  
"We can bring back the dead people, but we need help catching the spiders." Carter remarked   
from the corner, where he now had a pile of miracle pills.   
  
"We'll have to leave them dead until we get rid of them." Dave put in. "We bring them back,   
they could get killed again."  
  
"Actually, that's not true." Atherton reminded him. "Once brought back from this venom, the  
person is then immune to it....trust me."  
  
"Oh...yeah." Dave admitted. "Good point. So what do we do?"  
  
Dor shrugged, and picked up a dead spider. "Are you poisonous?" He asked.  
  
"No, I am dead." The spider answered, turning the heads of all in the room. "When I was alive  
I was poisonous...deadly poisonous, but now, I am no more."  
  
"I don't suppose he knows how they got here." Romano remarked.  
  
"No, I do not." The spider answered. "All I remember is being spit out by a Snap Dragon."  
  
"Back to square one." Carter spoke up. "We really need to find a live one. Why don't we get  
Lucy in here? Her talent can help catch them....while we're at it, so can Ardeth's."  
  
"You do realize that not all the people in this building are aware of the fact that Lucy is even   
alive, don't you?" Elizabeth asked. "Last time, she was mostly a child, and they didn't know  
her, but as an adult, she may cause a few shocked reactions."  
  
"Yeah, but not as much as Greene would cause." Dave reminded her. "He was saying that if   
we needed help, he'd come."  
  
From the direction of Chairs, there was a loud and hysterical scream.  
  
Carter lept up from his chair and ran out of the room. "JEFFERY!!!" He called, slamming the   
door shut behind him.  
  
"Sounds as if we have a live one!" Stripe stated with a grin.  
  
"We have to make sure they don't kill it!" Atherton exclaimed, following Carter out the door.  
  
In Chairs, they were greeted with a flat spider. One of the med students had squashed it.  
  
Atherton leaned against the wall, groaning. "Figures..." He muttered.  
  
Romano patted his back. "There there...we'll find another one." He reassured the man.  
  
"It crawled into this lady's lap!" The med student defended. "I was afraid it would bite her or  
something."  
  
Dave shook his head in disgust. "Well of COURSE it was going to bite her!" He snapped.   
"That's what they DO! But we needed one ALIVE!"  
  
Sven shrugged. "Ladies and gentlemen!" She called out. "We have a problem concerning   
spiders in the building. We need them captured, and returned to us ALIVE! For every live  
spider you catch and give us, we will give you a hundred bucks! But they have to be alive!"  
  
"And be careful, cause they're poisonous!" Dave shouted.  
  
As he said this, part of the people in the room ran out the door, and the rest began looking for   
the alleged spiders.  
  
"Well, that takes care of that." Cassi sighed. "Nothing like a hard day's work!"  
  
Sven grinned. "Look, we cleared the board for you." She told Romano, who was massaging  
his head.  
  
"Faster than the med students." Kovac's clone replied.   
  
"You think we should have told them that one bite could kill an elephant?" Susan asked,   
sounding concerned. "Or shall we just let them figure it out?"  
  
Atherton sighed. "They'll figure it out soon enough." He concluded, heading back for the   
lounge to gather some equipment, before they joined Stripe in looking for the main nest.  
*************************************************************************  
  
End section two. Yes, there's now Gremlins in the building, and not all of them are big on just  
catching spiders....eventually, we WILL tell Kerry, but as we said, we're waiting for them to  
bite her. As you can see, the plot thickens....now give us some more reviews. We're not all  
that motivated. And My BACK STILL HURTS!!!! 


	3. The Gremlins Revolt

Part three.....I'm not motivated. My knees hurt, my back is killing me, I can't see the chiro-  
practor until Wednesday!!! (today being Sunday) Stupid Memorial day....and my drugs have  
yet to kick in. And believe me I took a GOOD dose of them this time. Anyhow, we need   
more reviews, frankly, we have no idea where we're going with this, although the gremlins   
are not going to just hunt spiders, believe me. They have great plans, and Mohawk may   
even make at least one appearence...he and Jeffery are very good friends. About Jumanji....  
if we have to tie Pippin to a chair, he is NOT bringing in that game! We have enough trouble  
planning the spoof of the movie. Believe me, we've not seen the last of it. There is a big   
chance that the game will be played again..BEFORE the spoof of the movie. Pippin will not   
be quiet about it and he can always talk someone into it. Keep an eye out during the later   
spoofs, because this is, as we said, a BIG chance. Most likely a few of the Marxes will be   
talked into it, or another minor character. Aragorn and the other hobbits will not go near it   
again, and Ardeth and Carter have too many star roles coming up, and Dave is starring in   
the spoof of the movie itself, so he has to do it anyway eventually, so we'll see who Pippin   
can sucker into it. He's been dropping comments about wanting to play again. In reguards   
to Dave...he has a big part in this, as he's escourting Gorgeous Ponytail Man around the   
hospital. So hopefully, he should pop up a lot more often then he did in the other one.   
There's no kidnap scenes in this and he CAN be bit and killed, BUT he can only die once of  
the venom. When they bring him back...and they would...he cannot be killed by it again.   
And rest assured, we're is still trying to get Romano to sell us his soul....*Cassi stares at the  
ceiling....with a drunken smile....pills work now....pills work really nice.....^_^*  
**********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER THREE: THE GREMLINS REVOLT  
*******************************************  
Dave yawned. "Okay, we have another vent....and I know Romano and Corday used this  
one a while back." He spoke up to Stripe. They had been walking through the hospital,   
floor by floor, and so far, had only found a couple spiders, and none of them were very  
helpful in tracking Jeffery.   
  
Stripe nodded and pried the cover from the vent. He then looked both ways to make sure   
there were no other people in the hall before changing shape to his gremlin form, and   
crawling into the vent.  
  
Atherton sighed, obviously tired. "Let us know what you see." He told the gremlin.  
  
"No, I thought I'd keep it to myself." Stripe quipped, with a throaty laugh.  
  
"So, was it this hard last time?" Dave asked.  
  
Atherton shrugged. "Not really. They had a picture of the main web on the wall at the  
Doctor's office." He answered, shaking his head. "I just asked where it was taken."  
  
Dave snickered. "Yeah, that would figure." He remarked.  
  
"What the [heck] is going on here?!" Demanded a voice that could only belong to Kerry  
Weaver.  
  
Dave jumped, and turned as Atherton hid the plastic container with the spiders behind his  
back. "Chief!" Dave cried. "How's it been?"   
  
Kerry gave a flat look. "Nice try, Dave." She snapped. "Now what is going on here...and  
if you even say there's another outbreak of five-year olds, I'm shooting you."  
  
Dave gave a smile. "Umm, no actually, there isn't!" He told her.  
  
"And who are you?" She asked Atherton.  
  
He smiled. "Dr. James Atherton." He answered, cooly. "I was called here by a Dr. Romano,  
to help with a rather small problem....nothing too serious."  
  
"So you're a Doctor?" Weaver remarked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"That's generally what the title implies." Dave smirked.  
  
"And what is your background?" Weaver asked, sounding suspicious.  
  
"FOUND ONE!" Stripe called from the vent.  
  
"What is that?" Kerry asked with narrowed eyes.  
  
Stripe stretched his arm out, holding the spider by its leg. "Better open the container. He's  
struggling really good. Darn thing already bit me twice!" He muttered.  
  
Atherton quickly opened the top long enough for Stripe to dump the spider in, and Weaver's  
mouth nearly hit the floor as the gremlin climbed out of the vent. "Who's that?" Stripe   
asked, motioning to Kerry. "She looks evil."  
  
Dave burst out laughing.  
  
"I'm looking for an explaination." Kerry demanded.  
  
Stripe changed back to human form and gave her a flat look. "And I'm looking for spiders."  
He informed her. "Why don't you go look somewhere else?" He turned to Atherton.   
"There's nothing in there, but a few balloons. You don't mind if I grabbed them, do you?"  
  
"Nah, help yourself." Dave answered, leading them away from Weaver, who was still  
glaring. "I don't think Romano was going to use them anymore."  
  
Kerry stared after the group, and shook her head. "I think Robert has some explaining to  
do." She muttered, heading in the direction of the ER.  
*********************************************************************  
  
In Trauma One, Romano, Elizabeth, and Carter were trying to bring back the dead people,  
who now numbered up to ten. Irene had showed up to grow a dollar tree, and Cassi and  
Sven were now paying off the people who had come in with captured spiders, that they had  
managed to find a few aquariums for.  
  
"I think there's a problem!" Gallant yelled from the main desk.  
  
"How big?" Cassi called back.  
  
"Kovac is dead!" Gallant answered. "He just got bit!"  
  
Sven shook her head. "That's not Kovac!" She informed him. "It's just his clone. Luka  
had a breakdown a while back and he's been taking a break on our set. I'll have someone   
call in the real one."  
  
"What happened?" Romano asked from where he had just finished another bite victim.  
  
"Kovac's clone just dropped dead." Cassi replied, with a shrug. "We'll call the real one in."  
  
"His clone?" Elizabeth questioned.  
  
"Um, yeah, he's been with us for a while." Sven told them. "He was really going through a  
bad stretch, and needed a vacation.....much like someone else we know."   
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Not now, okay?" He answered, with a tired look. "Argue with   
me later about it."  
  
Elizabeth looked over at him, with a surprised stare. She had not been told about our   
suggestions for Romano to leave. "Robert?"  
  
Romano looked over at her, knowing what she was thinking. "Later." He mouthed, with a  
pleading look.  
  
Elizabeth nodded, and moved on to the next body.  
-----  
  
In the main Admit area, Weaver had just entered.....needless to say, she did not look happy.  
"Okay, who's going to tell me what's going on and why we have gremlins loose in this   
building?!" She shouted. Before she got an answer, she was greeted with a small gremlin in  
a trenchcoat. The gremlin looked up at her, and opened his coat, flashing her.  
  
"Uhhh, I'll get that." Gallant cut in, grabbing the gremlin, and escourting him away.  
  
Weaver watched him carry the offending gremlin off, before she approached Susan. "I don't  
suppose you know where Robert is." She spoke up.  
  
Susan jumped at the sound of her voice. "Kerry!" She exclaimed. "I didn't see you."  
  
"That's obvious." Kerry remarked. "What's going on?"  
  
Susan sighed. "Romano's in Trauma One with Cassi, Sven, Carter and Corday....and a few   
others." She answered. "We....have a small problem."  
  
"What problem?" Weaver demanded. "And if Cassi and Sven have something to do with  
this, please tell me now."  
  
Susan gave a guilty look. "Well, this wasn't their faults....but they ARE doing all they can   
to stop it." She answered, honestly.  
  
"Does it have something to do with the gremlins?" Kerry asked, pointing at two gremlins,  
who were riding a wheelchair through the ER, singing. One was holding a spider in his   
claws.  
  
"Ummm, actually, the gremlins are helping us out." Susan explained. "Although I guess   
they got distracted."  
  
Kerry frowned, and then paled as Gallant came by with a very dead Kovac on a gurney.  
"Oh my God, what happened?" She whispered.  
  
Susan turned to look. "He got bit." She explained.  
  
"Bit by what?!" Kerry cried, almost hysterical.  
  
"A spider." Abby informed her, walking over. "But it was his clone and the real one is on  
his way in now."  
  
"A spider...." Kerry mused, remembering the spiders the gremlins had been holding. "Where  
is Robert?" She demanded.  
  
"Trauma One." Abby answered. "With Corday and Carter, bringing back the dead people."  
  
Kerry turned and ran for the Trauma room, where she found Romano sitting on a table,   
swallowing a couple pills. "Okay Robert, what is going on?!"  
  
Romano looked up and groaned. "Ahh, [darn]...we were hoping you'd get bit first." He  
muttered.  
  
Cassi turned from the gremlin she had just given a hundred dollar bill to. "Aww, crap. She  
found us."  
  
"I found Dave and whoever that other Dr. is." Kerry informed them.  
  
"Dr. A." Cassi answered. "He's the spider doctor. He's here to help catch them."  
  
"Catch them?" Kerry promted.  
  
Corday rolled her eyes. "Jeffery's in the building and he's already mulitiplied." She replied,  
sitting down for a break. "We don't know how he got here, or how long he's been here, but  
we've had about 12 deaths now and the total keeps going up."  
**********************************************************************  
  
Okay, this is where I stopped yesterday. We'll continue after my gripe session. Where are  
our reviews? We want reviews....we're not motivated.....okay....we're going to make this  
funnier. We borrowed a bunch of stuff off Mark Lowry's website and we'll be using it at  
various places in the current spoofs....including this one. And you wanna know what will  
REALLY kill these people? We're the Authors. We know where the nest is already, and  
the gremlins were NOT brought in for help. Stripe knows this, as does Mohawk, who IS  
in the building....as the two are both leaders and work together....anyways, what do we learn  
from this? The last thing you want to hear your surgeon say is, "Gretel! Gretel, BAD DOG!  
Come back with that!" Sorry, couldn't help it. This concludes this insanity break.  
**********************************************************************  
  
Just then, Abby stuck her head into the room. "Umm, there's a problem." She announced.  
  
Nobody turned, as they were so busy with their arguments with Weaver.  
  
Abby sighed. "Hey MOM AND DAD!!!!" She shouted.  
  
Romano and Corday turned to look at her. "WHAT?!" They cried in unison.  
  
"You people might want to get out here and have a talk with Ardeth, because he just came in  
with Aragorn, Dr. Greene, Lucy Knight, and Betsy." She informed them.  
  
"He WHAT?!" Weaver exploded. "Mark and Lucy are NOT supposed to be in here! Do  
they have any idea what they're DOING?!"   
  
"Who the [heck] cares about Greene and Lucy?!" Romano exclaimed. "We cannot have  
BETSY in the building! Now we not only have to worry about killer spiders, but we have  
AFRICAN MOTABA, TOO!"  
  
"Hey, don't blame us." Sven defended. "We brought the gremlins, not the monkey."  
  
Carter grinned. "Ardeth's here!" He cheered, bouncing out the trauma room door.  
  
Romano turned to Cassi. "You did this on purpose." He remarked, flatly.  
  
"I did not." Cassi shot back. "We didn't plan it at all......we're just using it to our advantage."  
  
Romano shook his head in disgust. "I think I need some sugar." He stated. "I'll be out in  
the Ambulance Bay at the Jawa snack stand."  
  
Cassi frowned. "How did you know we had one out there?" She asked.  
  
"I didn't, but that's always the story." He answered, walking out the door.   
  
"I think I'll just.....help him." Elizabeth remarked, quickly, and followed him out.  
  
Sven shook her head. "You know, he really does need a vacation." She told them all.  
  
Cassi nodded in agreement. "That he does." She replied, with a sigh. "Now if we could   
only get him to realize that."  
  
"Okay, now can someone please tell me what's going on?!" Kerry demanded.  
  
"Sure." Sven replied, throwing her a spider. "These things are loose in the building."  
**********************************************************************  
  
Out in the Ambulance Bay, Romano snatched a pack of M&M's off the snack cart and   
flopped down on the bench.   
  
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Elizabeth asked as she joined him.  
  
Romano gave her a Look. "Sure, Lizzie." He replied. "There's killer spiders loose in the  
building, we're infested with gremlins, that I'm positive aren't here to help out, and now  
we've been blessed with a monkey carrying African Motaba, meaning we now have to  
have all in the ER vaccinated....other than that, we're having loads of fun."  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "You know what I'm talking about." She retorted.  
  
"Do I?" He asked.  
  
"Yes, you do." She prompted. "Now what is it Cassi's trying to rig with you....assuming I  
don't already have a feeling."  
  
Romano sighed. "If you already have it figured out, why are you asking?" He pointed out.  
  
She nodded. "Then they want you to leave."   
  
"Yeah, Cassi's been pestering me about it for about a month now." Robert informed her.   
"Even before the medical team met its end...for the second time."  
  
"So.....why haven't you left then?" Elizabeth asked. "I've seen what they've given to Lucy  
and Mahk. It's not all that bad."  
  
He shook his head. "It's more complicated than that."  
  
Elizabeth stared, realizing what he meant.   
  
"Maybe I haven't had a reason to leave yet." He replied, honestly, pulling out the vial   
that Cassi had given him.   
  
"Is that what I think it is?" Elizabeth asked, taking the vial.  
  
Romano nodded. "Yeah, it's my cure." He answered. "But if I take it...."  
  
She nodded. "I suppose it would be an easy way out."  
  
"You know why they had this happen?" Robert asked, looking toward the street.  
  
"Why?"   
  
"For two reasons." Romano told her, standing up. "One was to top your hubby's death  
last year and the other was because they were just sitting around one day, and they asked  
each other, 'why don't we just cut off his arm?'"  
  
"You're not serious." She whispered.  
  
He looked over at her before walking back into the building. "Yeah, I'm serious." He assured  
her. "They're also the ones who planned your daughter's overdose last year."  
  
Elizabeth stared after him, and shook her head in disbelief. This could not be true....but  
Robert was not joking, this she was sure of. She looked back down at her lap, realizing   
only then, that he had left the vial of Healing Elixir with her.  
**********************************************************************  
  
Ardeth and Carter were seated on the Admit desk, singing, "Ding-dong, the wicked witch is  
dead!"  
  
Romano shook his head. "Get off there." He snapped, yanking Carter off. "This is still a  
hospital....dispite what the Evilauthors think."  
  
"Kerry's dead." Carter announced.   
  
"Oh...how nice." Romano replied, heading for Trauma one. "And to what do I owe this  
wonderful moment?"  
  
"She got bit." Chen told him.  
  
"What a pity." Romano answered, flatly. "I can't tell you how broken up I am over that."  
  
"Yeah, that's what I said." Dave spoke up behind him. "Guess what."  
  
Romano turned. "What?" He asked. "I hate guessing games."  
  
"Well.....Stripe disappeared." Dave informed him. "Dr A and I turned around and he was  
gone. We don't know where he went."  
  
"I knew it." Romano muttered, catching sight of Lizzie coming in the door. "Lizzie!" He  
called, waving her over. "It seems our gremlin friends have decided to play their OWN  
game in here! You wanna go up and keep an eye on the critical patients? Somehow I  
doubt Shirley is going to be able to fight a pile of gremlins off." As she left, he headed  
straight for the Trauma room, to have a talk with the Authors.  
  
Once inside, he was met with a new surprise. Both Authors had vanished. They had left  
Sam Daniels, Casey, and Salt to hand out money for the spiders and vaccinate the patients  
for Motaba.  
  
"Oh just great." Romano muttered. "Where did they run off to?"  
  
Casey shook his head. "They didn't say." He answered. "But they left me with this nice  
pile of money. Want some?"  
  
Romano just shook his head in disgust, and walked out of the room.  
  
In the ER's Admit area, the real Kovac had arrived with Mungo and Teazer. "They came to  
help Carter out." Kovac explained.  
  
"Good, because Carter ran off with Ardeth and Aragorn." Jerry informed him. "They didn't  
say where they were headed."  
  
"And the day keeps getting better." Romano mused. "What can happen next?" He looked  
over where Pippin had entered, lugging a box. "GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE OR I'M  
HAVING YOU SHOT! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE AUTHORS SAY!!!"  
  
Pippin stuck his lip out and stalked back out the door, carrying his game. As he opened the  
door, he turned and stuck out his tongue.  
  
Romano looked over at the security guard. "Make sure that game stays out of here." He  
ordered. "Or you're fired. Weaver's dead. I'm in charge."  
  
As Pippin left, Peter walked in.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Now, I really need another pill." He remarked.  
  
"I was paged." Benton told him.  
  
Romano sighed. "Yeah, you and Greene, and Lucy...and Betsy....and Ardeth..." He snapped.  
"This can NOT get worse!" As he said this, his pager chirped. He pulled it off and looked  
at the message. "I was wrong." He moaned.  
  
Peter examined the page. "You want me to go?" He asked.   
  
"Yeah, sure let's just both go see the new problem....I thrive on stress." Romano answered.  
  
"Let me know if you need help." Dave called from where he was in the corner kissing Chen.  
**Romano "accidentaly" knocked the two into a Love Spring in Chameleon, just after   
"Youth Elixir"**  
  
Romano and Benton exchanged a glance. "No thanks." They answered.  
  
"The last thing I need is to be puking my guts out in the elevator." Romano muttered.  
  
"I hear you." Benton agreed, making a face.  
  
On the elevator, Romano's pager beeped again. He eyed the second message, and gave  
Peter a Look. "They need us to bring a knife or a scalpel. Are you sure you wanna go up  
there?" He asked.  
  
Benton shrugged. "Well, it can't be much worse than last time."  
  
"Yeah right." Romano remarked, flatly. "Don't bet on it."  
  
They stepped off the elevator, and looked around. "Lizzie!" Romano called.  
  
"Over here!" She cried, sounding very upset.  
  
Romano frowned..**As he would, knowing his Lizzie is in trouble.** "That way." He   
ordered, leading Benton around a corner.  
  
The two of them turned the corner and stared. "I think I was wrong." Benton whispered.  
  
"Oh...[very naughty word]." Romano groaned. "Get a knife....NOW!"  
  
"You mean you didn't BRING one?!" Shirley cried, hysterical. She and Elizabeth were  
both stuck in a very large web, and neither of them were having any luck getting unstuck.  
  
"Is this the spider you were talking about?" Shirley demanded.  
  
Romano shook his head. "That is NOT Jeffery!" He informed her.   
  
Elizabeth's face turned white. "Oh my God....Robert, you had BETTER be getting us OUT  
of this!" She cried.  
  
"Lizzie, keep your voice down!" Romano ordered as Benton returned, holding two scalpels.  
"If he hears you, he's not going to be happy."   
  
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "No....he'll be on FIRE!" She snapped.  
  
The two male surgeons started cutting at the web. "You know, you could have gotten   
yourself out of this, if that's the case." Benton told her.  
  
"Are you CRAZY!?" Shirley burst out. "If she set this stuff on fire, we'd BOTH get fried!"  
  
"So stop getting mad before you turn us all into crispy critters!" Romano retorted.  
  
"I think we need to have a talk with Cassi, as to what Mohawk is doing in the building, when  
she told us he wasn't!" Elizabeth complained, as Romano finally cut her free.  
  
Benton followed suit with Shirley, and they all pulled themselves from the web. "Ugh, that  
stuff is like taffy!" Shirley remarked, trying to pick some out of her hair. "Now one of you  
had better tell me who Mohawk is!"  
  
Benton was focused on something behind her. "That's him over there." He replied,   
pointing.   
  
Mohawk grinned as he came closer. "Peoples!" He cried in glee.  
  
Elizabeth glared at him. "We're both Assistants, and if you don't get the [heck] away from  
here, I'm burning you to a crisp!" She informed the creature.  
  
Mohawk eyed her, as if wondering whether she was serious.  
  
"She's not lying!" Stripe called from behind him. "She'll do it. Come on, we can play   
somewhere else!"  
  
The group watched as the two gremlin leaders ran off. "I KNEW it!" Romano shouted.  
  
"This doesn't look too good." Benton spoke up, stating the obvious.  
  
"Okay, who didn't think to tell me that the killer spiders came in that size?" Shirley   
cut in.  
  
Romano sighed. "The killer spiders don't come in that size." He told her. "That one's a  
gremlin."  
  
"I thought the gremlins were supposed to be on our side." Shirley complained.  
  
"They lied." Romano said, flatly.  
**********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in Kerry's abandoned office......  
  
Sven grinned, watching the monitors. "And we finally see the torture we didn't get last  
time." She replied with a sigh.  
  
Cassi leaned back in the chair, looking around. "I liked it better when Romano was in here."  
She remarked, making a face. "Kerry's taste in decorating really sucks."  
  
"So, what do we do next?" Sven pondered. "They wouldn't let Pippin in the door."  
  
"Bummer, huh?" Cassi mused. "Oh the possibilities."  
**********************************************************************  
  
End section 3. And if we don't get more reviews, it will take much longer to get the next   
part out. People, it's about to get more interesting, as you can tell. The gremlins have  
turned against the people, and the Authors have decided to have some fun. We don't   
know how good this is if we don't get reviews. Please be kind and tell us what you think.  
Even if you think it sucks.....we'll make it BETTER! 


	4. In a throaty gremlin voicePartytime!

Section four.....and by the time we leave, Romano's going to see that spider as the LEAST  
of his problems. First of all, you didn't honestly think Pippin was going to listen to him.....  
Please! Pippin is a great Sorceror, remember? See "Peregrin" Go back and read it....we'll  
wait....just make sure you review while you're at it. (waits a minute....are you done yet?)  
On second thought forget it. Just keep in mind he does have his abilities....I believe he  
had Gandalf changed into a stink-bug....just for revenge. So....you don't really think that  
security will really stop him, do you? So.....sit back and relax, and we'll get this party started.  
Admiral.....thanks. We hadn't even thought of that game yet. Naturally, being the insane  
women we are, we changed our minds about not having it. Anyways, back to the story//  
Oh, and Dave has a REALLY big part to play here.   
*********************************************************************  
CHAPTER FOUR...(IN A THROATY GREMLIN VOICE) "PARTYTIME" **Evil laughter**  
*********************************************************************  
  
Outside, in the Ambulance Bay, Pippin was seated on the bench that Romano and Corday  
had occupied not thirty minutes eariler. He was doing what was commonly known as the  
"Wolvie Pout", and holding his Game in his lap. It was just not fair. He had been the only  
one to actually enjoy the "Jew-man-jai" game, and he couldn't understand why nobody  
else liked it. He couldn't play it by himself, and nobody wanted to play. His eyes filled   
with tears and he sighed.  
  
"Oh, don't do that!!!" Sven complained to him as she walked out the ER doors. "You look  
so CUTE when you do that!"  
  
Pippin looked up, and wiped his face. "They wouldn't let me in." He whispered. "Romano  
wouldn't let me even into the building."  
  
Sven shrugged. "Well, actually, it was the game he didn't want inside." She informed him.  
  
Pippin stuck his lip out. "I wanted to play it again." He muttered. "Bu' nobody wants to  
play it with me."  
  
"I do." Sven told him brightly. "I couldn't play during the spoof, so why not now?"  
  
Pippin brightened. "You really want to play?" He asked, sounding hopeful. "What will  
Romano say? The security people don't want me in there."  
  
Sven rolled her eyes and gave him a "duh" look. "Not to insult your memory or something,  
but aren't you still a Sorceror?" She pointed out.  
  
Pippin's head snapped up. "Hey....you're right!" He realized, and then gave an evil grin.  
"Well then what are we waitin' for?" He jumped up and headed for the ER doors.  
  
Once inside the doors, two things happened. Sven set off the metal detector, and the  
guards, ignoring her, went for Pippin.   
  
Pippin looked around quickly, seeing Romano was nowhere to be seen. The only doctors  
he saw were Chen and Malucci. He grinned at the guards, evily. "Are you sure you want   
to stop me?" He asked.  
  
The guard came closer, although, he now wore an uncertain look, as he had obviously  
learned not to trust our characters. **Can you imagine that?** "Dr. Romano said that  
game was not to be brought into the building." He answered, leaning forward to take it.  
  
Pippin shrugged. "Okay." He replied.....but before the guard could take the game, he   
muttered a few words under his breath.  
  
The guard was changed into a rat. Within seconds, he was snapped up by Pouncival, who  
proceeded to beat the crap out of him.  
  
"Pounce!" Sven scolded.  
  
"What?" Pounce asked, dropping the dead rat.  
  
"He's security. You can't eat him. Bring him to Mungo." Sven ordered.  
  
"But--" Pounce began.  
  
"No." Sven insisted. "And tell Mungo he better not eat it either!"  
  
Pounce, doing the Wolvie pout, stalked off toward Trauma one, carrying the dead rat.  
  
"Well, that was easy." Pippin announced, proudly.  
  
"Yeah, now all we need is to find a few more players." Sven told him, looking around. Her  
eyes strayed to Jing Mei and Dave. "Perfect. If we find four more, we can play with   
partners!"  
  
Pippin grinned, eagerly. "I bet some of the gremlins will play." He suggested.  
  
"Dave!" Sven called. "Come play a game!"  
  
Dave walked over, and studied the cover. "Umm, this wasn't supposed to be in here." He  
told them.  
  
"So?" Sven asked. "Nobody listens to Romano much down here, do they?"  
  
"Besides, you don't even work here." Pippin reminded him. "We're playing partners. You  
can bring Chen."  
  
Dave's face took on an eager grin. "Hmmm, that actually sounds like fun." He commented.  
"Hey, Jing Mei!" He called. "Come play a game!"  
  
Jing Mei walked over, eyeing the game. "This isn't a very safe game." She pointed out.  
  
"So?" Dave retorted. "It'll be fun. If anyone gets stuck in there, we won't stop playing.   
Besides, we're playing partners. I'll take care of you." He looked at Sven. "I assume   
you'll be playing with Pippin?"  
  
Sven grinned. "How'd ya guess?" She remarked. "Now we need four more. I'll bet Stripe  
and Mohawk will play."  
  
Dave frowned. "I thought Mohawk wasn't here." He spoke up.  
  
"We never said that." Sven informed him. "Stripe said that Mohawk didn't want to help  
catch the spiders, but instead, he wanted to join them....he never said he wasn't in the  
building."  
  
Chen shook her head, in disbelief. "You know, I should be surprised by this, but somehow,  
I'm not." She stated, with a laugh. "Who's going to be the other two players?"  
  
Sven frowned a minute, then brightened. "Ardeth and Carter." She proclaimed.  
  
Dave shook his head. "Yeah, I'll buy it. Okay, let's go find someplace to start where   
Romano isn't going to catch us."   
*********************************************************************  
  
Random insanity break # we gave up numbering them a long time ago. These are a couple  
actual statements found on insurance claims forms where the drivers attempted to summarize  
the details in the fewest words possible....proving that sometimes the long answer is more  
convincing.  
Statement 1: "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree that I  
don't have."  
Statement 2: "I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my   
head through it."  
Statement 3: "The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its  
way when it struck the front end."  
  
This concludes our insanity break....next time...more things that you would not want to hear  
during surgery. We now return you to the spoof at hand.  
*********************************************************************  
  
Upstairs, Romano, being the smart Assistant he is....headed straight for Kerry's office.  
  
"Are you sure she's even there?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
"She's there." Romano insisted. "It's the first place they'd both go...especially given the   
fact that Kerry's dead."  
  
"Kerry's dead?" Shirley asked.  
  
Romano nodded. "Yeah, they said she got bit, but I think there was more to it than that."  
He replied.  
  
"No doubt." Benton agreed.  
  
As they reached the outside of the Chief of Staff office, Romano turned back with an 'I  
told you so' look as they all caught sight of the Neverwolf sign. "See?" He remarked.  
*Sign reading "Trespassers will be mauled."* Shaking his head, he opened the door and  
walked in, not at all surprised to see Cassi seated at the desk...and the fact that the walls  
had undergone a transformation, as they were covered in various posters of 80's groups.  
  
"Rob!" Cassi exclaimed, brightly, shutting off the downstairs monitor. "How nice of you to  
come by!" She motioned at the walls. "I just couldn't stand those ugly pictures she had up   
in here."  
  
Romano gave a flat smile. "You have a bit of explaining to do." He snapped.  
  
"Explaining about what?" She asked, innocently, obviously trying to cover something up.  
  
"You said Mohawk was NOT in the building!" Romano snapped.  
  
Cassi visibly looked relieved. "Oh....Mohawk!" She replied. "Um...actually, I said nothing  
of the sort." She defended. "STRIPE said that Mohawk didn't want to help catch the   
spiders.....as I recall, he said nothing about him not being in the building. Really, Rob,  
being an Assistant, you should have caught that one. Julian used that trick all the time   
and you narrated that story. It was never lied about, it just wasn't mentioned."  
  
While Romano argued with Cassi....which most people would think is completely pointless,  
**Ask anyone who knows her well**, Elizabeth's face turned to a suspicious frown. She  
had seen the look on Cassi's face. Cassi was covering up something that she thought they  
had caught, and it was NOT Mohawk. It had to be something worse. "Robert." She  
spoke up.  
  
"Lizzie, we're talking." He snapped.  
  
Cassi eyed Elizabeth, knowing that she was suspicious. "No, she has something to add,  
let her talk....I enjoy hearing all the opinions."  
  
"Robert, she's hiding something, that has nothing to do with Mohawk." Elizabeth spoke  
up, evenly. "They've done something."  
  
Benton and Shirley looked over at Cassi, who was the picture of innocence....which really  
made her look guilty.  
  
Romano stared at her. "What did you do?" He asked, quietly.  
  
"ME?!" Cassi remarked, with a shrug. "I did nothing. I've been here the whole time."  
  
Benton's head snapped up. "And what did your sister do?" He demanded.  
  
"You honestly think I can possibly keep track of her?!" Cassi retorted. "How could I   
possibly know what she's doing this very minute?"  
  
Romano eyed the monitor that had been shut off. "With that." He answered. "Tell me,   
Cas....what has your sister been up to?"  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Really, I don't know what she's doing now...." She told him, honestly.  
"They disappeared off the monitors when they walked off with Dave and Jing Mei."  
  
The four exchanged a glance. "Get down there and find out what's going on." Romano   
ordered Benton. "You go with him." He told Shirley.  
  
The two nodded and walked out the door together.  
  
"Now....Cassi." Romano spoke up, with an evil grin. "I don't suppose you'd like to tell me  
what happened."  
  
Cassi shrugged. "I heard one of your security was changed into a rat." She answered.  
"Don't worry, though. Pounce took it to Trauma one before he could eat it."  
  
"And why would one of them be changed into a rat?" Elizabeth asked. "Ardeth was no  
where to be seen, and they let him in with no trouble at all this time."  
  
"Well, there's always Magician Trent." Cassi reminded them.  
  
Elizabeth shrugged. "There's others." She replied. "Gandalf...Jareth...Stephan..."  
  
"Misto..." Romano went on, then he stopped as he paled. "Pippin." He stared at Cassi in  
shock. "You had [darn] well better be joking about that."  
  
"I didn't say anything." She defended. "YOU said Pippin, not me.....then again, you should  
watch what you say around him. You made him cry.....so naturally, Sven had to make sure  
he was okay......"  
  
Elizabeth's mouth dropped open. "And they ran off with Jing Mei and Malucci." She  
confirmed. "That's enough to play."  
  
"I wouldn't quite say that...." Cassi remarked.  
  
"Really, and what WOULD you say?" Romano asked, with a glare.  
  
"They needed eight." Cassi informed him after a minute. "Sven said they were going to   
play with partners....I believe they were after a couple of morphine junkies and a couple of  
gremlins."  
  
"Ardeth, Carter, Stripe, and Mohawk." Romano guessed.  
  
Cassi nodded. "The ones most likely to say yes." She answered. "And by now, they've  
probably already found them."  
  
"She was stalling us." Elizabeth realized.  
  
Cassi grinned. "Would I do that?" She asked, innocently.  
  
"In a second." Romano snapped, then pulled Elizabeth out the door. "We need to find them  
NOW!"  
  
Cassi watched as they ran out the door. "Good luck!" She called, then paused, adding a  
silent, "You're gonna need it."  
**********************************************************************  
  
Random Insanity bit....well, another one. Things you wouldn't want to hear during surgery.  
  
1: "And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of an ape."  
2: "Wash it off and put it back, they'll never know the difference."  
3: "We need to stick this back together....quick, give me your gum!"  
4: "Everyone here has Malpractice insurance, right?"  
5: And from our own Dr. Romano..."Sweet Mary and Joseph, look at the size of that gall-  
bladder! You could feed a small Amish family for a WEEK on that!" **Fortunately, he was  
operating on a pig, and not a human at the time**  
  
This concludes our insanity break............back to the story.  
*********************************************************************  
  
At that very minute, in a bathroom on the first floor, five humans, one hobbit and two   
gremlins were sitting in pairs around the game. Stripe and Mohawk, Sven and Pippin,  
Dave and Jing Mei, and Ardeth and Carter. The group had recieved no arguments as to  
playing the game. Carter had been more than willing and Ardeth, being a Med-jai Chieftain,  
wasn't at all afraid of the game creatures. Stripe and Mohawk, being Gremlins, decided the  
game was a whole load of fun. Dave and Jing Mei...well they don't know it yet, but they  
will end up starring in the actual spoof of the movie, Jumanji, anyway.  
  
"Who goes first?" Dave asked, quietly, as they were afraid someone would find them and  
stop them before they could start. Once they had started, however, they could NOT be  
stopped until the game was finished.  
  
Sven shrugged, picked up the Game pieces, and dropped them over the board. The pieces  
went to their rightful places. "Don't know. Shall we flip a coin?"  
  
"Who goes first for each team?" Carter asked.  
  
Ardeth looked at him. "You can go for us." He offered. "It doesn't matter, we both have to  
go through the same thing."  
  
Mohawk and Stripe looked at each other. "MINE!" Stripe called.  
  
Mohawk glared. "No ME!" He snapped.   
  
Sven pulled out a quarter. "Call it in the air." She told them.  
  
"Heads!" Mohawk claimed.  
  
"Tails." Sven informed him. "Stripe goes first." She looked at Pippin. "You want it?"  
  
Pippin grinned. "Of course." He answered.  
  
Jing Mei looked at Dave. "You go first." She told him.  
  
Dave nodded. "Okay, since it's Pippin's game, why doesn't Pippin start it off?" He  
suggested.  
  
Pippin's grin widened, as he threw the dice.  
  
They leaned over to look at the game, where the words appeared. "A tiny bite can make you  
itch, make you sneeze, make you twitch."  
  
Dave gave them all a look. "Okay, did we remember our can of Raid?" He asked.  
**********************************************************************  
End section four......and I really want to hear a few reviews for this....because once started,  
they now have to finish the game. Needless to say, here we go again....And Dave has just  
fallen into a huge role in this story....and there's plenty of danger to go around. Hint, the  
more reviews you give, the faster you find out what happens next. 


	5. Mosquitos and lions and monkeys oh my!

And we're back again. Okay, we understand that a few people are having trouble reviewing  
due to the fact that fanfiction.net is sometimes a pain. Anyhow, we're willing to overlook  
that.....so Email us instead! If we don't know you read it, you don't exist.....okay, we're   
bitter people. Sorry. Now....for a bit of clearing of some confusion, we'll mention that the  
insanity breaks are like commercials. If you don't want to read them, just skip over them.  
We just tend to enjoy suddenly bringing up something that has absolutely nothing to do  
with the stories. Instead of giving you a preview this time, we'll just go right ahead and  
pick up the story where we left off......Romano & Lizzie rushing to stop the maniacs before  
they start the game which can, and probably will, destroy the entire hospital......Romano &  
Lizzie weren't fast enough. And the match goes to the maniacs......hehe...maniac humor.  
*********************************************************************  
  
**Definition of term: "Mosquito" --An insect that makes you like flies better.**  
  
CHAPTER FIVE: MOSQUITOS AND LIONS AND MONKEYS, OH MY!  
**************************************************************  
In the ER Admit area, Romano and Elizabeth had just caught up with Shirley and Peter.  
  
"We can't find them anywhere." Peter informed them.  
  
Romano shook his head. "Pippin's got that stupid game in the building." He told them.  
  
Peter stared. "Tell me they're not playing it." He begged.  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "He could, but he'd have to lie." She answered. "They ran off  
with Ardeth, Carter, Jing Mei, Dave, Mohawk and Stripe."  
  
"Who's they, and what game?" Shirley asked.  
  
"Sven and Pippin." Romano told her. "They have Jumanji in the hospital."  
  
Shirley's mouth dropped. "Wait, I saw that movie." She whispered. "We have to find  
them before they start that thing. They'll destroy the whole hospital."  
  
They were interrupted by several loud screams, and they all turned to see a load of large  
mosquitos come flying through.  
  
Romano yanked Shirley and Elizabeth to the floor, just as the cloud flew over. Several  
people, nurses included, were shrieking and trying to fight the bugs off.   
  
Elizabeth jumped up from the floor with a glare. "Oh no you don't." She muttered,   
drawing the bugs' attention.   
  
As they flew toward her, her glare deepened and the ones in the front burst into flames.  
The other mosquitos, seeing this, proceeded to fly out the door.  
  
Romano was groaning into his hand. "Nice work, Lizzie." He remarked, flatly. "Now  
they're outside, thus insuring that we'll have a full ER by nightfall."  
  
"Assuming there's anything left of it by the time they're done." Shirley answered,   
allowing Romano and Peter to help her off the floor.  
  
Romano's eyes narrowed. "Right, now we find that group of maniacs." He snapped.  
  
"I don't think we're going to have to look very hard." Susan spoke up, pointing.  
  
They all turned to see Mohawk and Stripe running with Dave and Chen. "Here kitty   
kitty..." Mohawk called.  
  
Romano stared. "Get out of the way!" He shouted to anyone near, as the lion came  
running out into the ER.  
  
"Lock it in the Exam room!" Dave yelled to Stripe.  
  
"Awww, we wanted to see it eat the people!" Stripe complained.  
  
Romano's face turned thoughtful. "Lock it in Trauma one!" He called, with a devious  
tone.  
  
"Robert!" Elizabeth scolded. "How COULD you?! MUNGO'S in there!"  
  
"It's okay!" Dave retorted. "We can put Kerry in Exam three with the lion."  
  
About ten minutes later, Kovac, Gallant, Peter, and Dave sat down panting, as they had  
finally gotten the lion locked into Exam three.  
  
Romano glared at Dave, who gave a guilty look. "If you still worked here, I'd have you   
fired." He proclaimed. "However, since you don't, I'm having you killed instead." At  
this, he reached over, picked up a spider from the floor and threw it on Dave. Naturally,  
the spider bit him, killing him.  
  
As Dave dropped to the floor, Sven, Pippin, Carter, and Ardeth ran in.   
  
"Ahhh CRAP!" Sven yelled. "It's HIS turn!"  
  
Romano glared at Pippin. "I thought I told you NOT to bring that game in here!" He  
snapped.  
  
"You did, but I said he could, and I'm one of the Authors, so I have higher authority than  
you." Sven reminded him. "Besides, once we finish the game, it all goes back to normal."  
  
"Except for the spiders." Pippin spoke up.  
  
"And the gremlins." Stripe reminded them.  
  
"And the dead people." Carter added.  
  
Sven snapped her fingers, bringing Dave back to life. "Dave, you have to roll, it's your   
turn." She ordered.  
  
The group proceeded to sit down on the floor in the middle of the ER.  
  
"Wait a minute, if you think you're playing that game in the middle of MY ER, you've  
got another thing coming!" Romano interrupted.  
  
"But Cassi's Chief of Staff now, so it's really her ER." Sven retorted.  
  
"Cassi may be Chief of Staff, but I'm Chief of the ER." Romano argued.  
  
"No, that's my job now." Sven informed him. "Dave, roll the dice."  
  
Nearby, Cassi, who had joined the group in the ER, unnoticed, shook her head. "Crying  
shame is what it is." She remarked to Gallant. "All these Chiefs and no indians."  
  
"Are you letting them get away with this?" Gallant asked her.  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Look at the bright side." She said with a smile. "When the bats come,   
they'll eat the spiders.....or the spiders will eat the spiders.....either way, the spiders get  
eaten......and if you understood that one, you're good."  
  
Dave, looked over at Romano, with a apologetic face. "Sorry, Chief." He told him,   
dropping the dice.  
  
"This will not be an easy mission, monkeys slow the expidition." Chen read. "Lovely,   
here come the monkeys."  
  
Romano leaned against the Admit desk, groaning, as the crashes sounded from the  
lounge. "I hate this game." He muttered.  
  
"You want to lock them in the lounge?" Susan asked.  
*********************************************************************  
  
Up on the surgical floor, Anspaugh had just arrived. He was greeted with an entire   
recovery room full of dead people. Jacey and a few of the other nurses were frantic, and  
couldn't say what had happened. "Where is Corday?" Anspaugh demanded.  
  
"She was paged to the ER." Jacey answered. "And there's some disgusting white   
sticky string all over the hallway near the elevators."  
  
"Are there any surgeons still up here?" Anspaugh asked.  
  
"Dorsett, Edson, and a few of the residents." Jacey answered. "Shirley went downstairs  
with Dr. Corday, Dr. Benton, and Dr. Romano."  
  
Anspaugh frowned. "What is Dr. Benton doing at County, and what is Romano doing up   
here?!" He questioned.  
  
"I don't know a thing about it, but there was obviously some emergency in the ER."  
The nurse replied.  
  
"I don't suppose they said what kind of emergency?" Anspaugh prompted.  
  
Jacey shook her head. "No, they didn't." She answered. "I did hear they've had a few   
deaths down there, too."  
  
Anspaugh's eyes narrowed. "I think it's time I went down there." He concluded.  
*********************************************************************  
  
In the ER, the monkeys had escaped.....unfortunately. They were now split up, some had  
headed out the door, while some had remained in the hospital. The ones in the hospital  
were now playing all over the place with the gremlins, riding on crash carts, wheelchairs,   
food carts, etc...Needless to say, there were no more patients left. Why, you ask? Well,  
because they were all either dead, or they had left....not that Romano blamed them. He  
was very near heading straight home to sleep it off. There was, however, a good thing   
about the game. After the monkeys, Carter had rolled the dice and he and Ardeth were  
then stuck in the game.  
  
It was currently Sven's turn, and just before she could roll the dice, Anspaugh stepped off  
the elevator.....making Romano's day all the more worse.  
  
"What the [heck] is going on here?!" Donald demanded.  
  
Cassi made a face. "Look, Fat Butt's back." She muttered to Romano under her breath.  
  
Hearing this, four gremlins started dancing around, chanting the phrase, "Fat Butt" over  
and over.....much to ol' Fat Butt's dismay.  
  
Sven looked over, hearing the chant. "Oh look, Dr. Fat Butt has come to stop us." She  
spoke up in flat emotionless tone. "Help help, run for the hills...save yourself."  
  
Romano pasted on a happy grin. "Don!" He called out. "How nice of you to come down."  
  
Anspaugh glared at Cassi, who stuck her tongue out. "I came to see how we ended up   
with an entire recovery room full of dead people." He informed them. "However, looking  
around here, I can easily see how. Now does someone want to explain the mess in the   
hallway upstairs?"   
  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes as if it were plainly obvious....and it was...and pointed at the   
group of people crowded around the game. "That would be Mohawk over there." She  
said in a 'duh' tone of voice.  
  
"And the dead people are spiders." Romano explained. "The Authors had nothing to do  
with them being here. We're pretty sure Jeffery followed Carter to work."  
  
"Who is Jeffery and where is Carter?" Anspaugh demanded.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Carter's stuck in the game right now." He told the older man.  
"And Jeffery....well, we haven't found him yet."  
  
"I wouldn't really say that." An accented voice spoke up from across the room.   
  
They turned to see Dr. A standing in the doorway. On his shoulder, was a humongous  
spider. "He says he wants to know where Carter is."  
  
Romano and Elizabeth exchanged a glance. "In the game." They replied.  
  
Sven, from her seat on the floor, was watching the argument, interested. "Um....hello, it's  
my turn to roll." She spoke up.  
  
No one turned, as they were not paying attention.  
  
Pippin looked at her and shrugged. "Just roll the dice." He told her.  
  
Sven, watching the group, shook her head. "Oh well, they'll figure it out as we go."  
She remarked, dropping the dice.  
  
"They grow much faster then bamboo. Take care or they'll come after you." Dave read.  
  
Sven grinned. "Yeah, that oughta get their attention." She stated. "Let's get out of here."  
  
Pippin nodded and picked up the game as the vines started to grow from every available   
surface.  
  
Elizabeth turned to see what had happened, and yanked Robert out of the way just before   
a vine grabbed a nearby gremlin, and carried it off.  
  
"WOAH!" Gallant cried as he jumped away from the wall.  
  
"Well, this just got more interesting." Cassi remarked.  
*********************************************************************  
  
And you ask why I had to cut it off here? Well, that's because I went totally blank on what  
to write. That and my hands are really hurting from typing. On top of it, Sven and I are  
both having trouble with our wrists, due to excess typing and writting. Therefore, we   
should cut down just a tiny bit.  
  
Now how's about a few reviews? 


	6. Walkouts, pool parties and a chainsaw!

Part six.......um, this is really gonna be a goodie...we got two new Weird Al tapes and  
were currently listening to "Dare to be Stupid." We're definitely showing a few   
surgeons another song from that album...."Like a Surgeon"...hehehe....it's just so us.  
And we're both on drugs.....Dr.'s orders, not the illegal ones. Now where did we leave  
off? Um....yeah, the vines just came in....oy vey...um, now we're hearing "Yoda".   
Anyways, we're going to try to get another chapter done now....thanks to you nice  
people who did review. Right, back to the story....but first?   
*******************************************************************  
  
Yet another commercial insanity break....please people, you got off okay, last chapter,  
you didn't ACTUALLY think these had stopped, did you? We now give you a couple  
things to ponder.....Why do they put Braille on drive through bank machines? Why  
do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Why do we kill people for killing people  
to show that killing people is wrong? And last but not least, When your pet bird sees  
you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at  
the carpet?  
This concludes our insanity break....now back to our story.............  
*******************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER SIX "WALKOUTS, POOL PARTIES, AND A CHAINSAW....."  
*********************************************************  
In the ER, Romano and the group exchanged brief glances as the vines grew all around   
them.  
  
"So...." Benton began...  
  
"Anyone wanna go see the Jawas outside?" Romano asked. "I have this sudden need  
to eat M&M's. In fact, I need them right now." He grabbed Lizzie by the arm and  
tugged.  
  
Elizabeth, needing no prompting, followed,  
  
"Yeah, food sounds good." Benton remarked, following.  
  
In the ER, the remainder of the people who were in the main Admit area, followed them,  
including, Cassi, Atherton, Chris (Collins and Mason), and Lucy, who carried Betsy.  
The others were still in Trauma one with the dead people.  
  
"Hey, bring me back some Reeses sticks!" Sven called.  
  
Romano turned and looked at her like she was insane....and she was. "If you even think  
I'm coming back in here, you really ARE nuts!"  
  
"I wasn't talking to you." Sven told him. "I was talking to Chris."  
  
"Which one?" Atherton asked.  
  
Sven rolled her eyes. "Duh." She retorted.  
  
"Gimme a minute to dodge the monkeys." Chris Mason called from the door.  
  
Once out in the Ambulance Bay, the people breathed a sigh of relief. "So....is this   
another walkout?" Abby questioned.  
  
Romano snapped his fingers, creating a lounge chair with an umbrella, and flopped   
down with a drink and his M&M's. "Yeah." He answered. "We're protesting the  
intrusion of several dangerous animals."  
  
Kovac nodded, and created his own lounge chair. "Yeah, I suppose that a lion in  
Exam three is bad for us." He agreed.  
  
"Do you think his name is Eck?" Lucy asked suddenly.  
  
"Someone saw Fellowship." Romano remarked, with a small grin. **Fellowship of the  
Spoof....the white tower of Eckthelion....does this not look like "Eck, the lion?"**  
  
Elizabeth shook her head, and created lounge chairs for herself and Lucy, and flopped  
down next to Romano under the umbrella. "Well, I must say this isn't all that bad.....  
unless those things come out here."  
  
"Well, they probably will, but I'm sure If Romano glares at them, they'll go away."  
Peter quipped.  
  
"ME?!" Romano shot out. "Lizzie's the one who can torch them by looking at them."  
  
"Peter, won't you sit down?" Elizabeth asked sweetly, creating another chair.  
  
"Want one, Cassi?" Romano asked, watching Cassi down a can of Pepsi.   
  
Cassi grinned. "Nej tack." She replied. "I'll make my own." She snapped her fingers,  
causing a recliner to appear under another umbrella. She sat down, giving him a smirk.  
**Nej tack...."No thankyou." Cassi knows some Swedish...she learned it to understand  
Roxette's solo albums..**And wishes to thank Susanne Gustavson and Therese   
Thiesen for their help as well. My best Swedish friends...Jag alskar dej!**  
  
Romano shook his head. "Always gotta be the topper." He muttered.  
  
Elizabeth laughed. "You know, this isn't bad at all." She mused. "We could have   
some fun out here."  
  
Cassi grinned. "We create a swimming pool out here and we can have a nice party."  
She remarked. "Storm can make it warmer."  
  
Kovac stared at her. "You want to have a pool party in the Ambulance Bay?!"   
  
Shirley shrugged. "If they keep that game up the way they're going, they're going to  
have a monsoon inside anyway." She reminded them. "They get to swim, why can't  
we?"  
  
Romano frowned, considering this, then his face changed to a sly look, and he turned  
to Elizabeth. "That actually sounds like fun." He remarked, eyeing her.  
  
Elizabeth's eyes widened, then she gave her own sly look. "Nice try, Robert." She  
informed him. "In your dreams, maybe."  
  
From the entrance of the ER, Donald Anspaugh stared at the doctors and nurses who  
were now in various lounge chairs, and eating, while the Jawas ran a snack stand.  
"Excuse me, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"  
  
Romano looked up. "We're staging a walkout." He informed the man. "Until they get   
rid of those wild animals.....and while we're walked out, we're considering a pool party.  
I'd invite you, but we don't really want to see you in a bathing suit."  
  
Meanwhile, Sven stuck her head out the door. "You guys might wanna GET OUT OF  
THE WAY OUT THERE!!!" She yelled. "Mohawk let the stampede out!"  
  
The people all looked at each other and without pausing, they all ran to the other side   
of the Ambulance Bay, just as the stampede burst through the doors, trampling the  
chairs.  
  
Pippin came out behind them. "Where do you s'pose they're all going?" He asked.  
  
Sven shrugged. "Do we really want to know?"   
  
Pippin shrugged and shook his head. "Guess not."   
  
"So what were you guys doing?" Sven asked as Cassi returned her recliner to normal  
and flopped back down.  
  
"We were talking about having a pool party out here." Cassi answered. "In all reality,  
this area is the perfect size for a good pool. Just put some tunes on, and we're fine!"  
  
Sven's face brightened. "Really? Sounds like fun!" She replied.   
  
"Weren't you playing that game?" Romano asked, giving her a Look.  
  
"It's Chen's turn." Pippin told them. "We have a while."  
  
"If you people even THINK you're putting a pool out here, you can FORGET it!"  
Donald cried. "This is a HOSPITAL! We can NOT have a swimming pool outside  
the ER! The ambulances have to come here!"  
  
Sven rolled her eyes. "Sorry, pal. You're closed to patients." She reminded him. "Not  
to be rude, but you have gremlins, killer spiders...."  
  
"Eck, the Lion..." Lucy went on.  
  
"Monkeys on wheelchairs..." Kovac added.  
  
"Kerry's dead...." Romano remarked, with a satisfied smile.  
  
"Needless to say, you can't accept patients with all this, plus, you just had a stampede  
come through your ER, and you have killer vines all over the place." Cassi put in.  
  
"So, since we can't have patients, and we have nothing else to do, we might as well  
just have a pool party out here." Abby exclaimed brightly.  
  
Susan grinned. "Ooh, and I have a new bathing suit, too!" She cried in glee.  
  
"All in favor of pool party, raise your hands!" Cassi yelled.  
  
All in the Ambulance Bay, with the exception of Anspaugh, raised their hands.  
  
"You're outvoted." Sven remarked, flatly. "Pool now. We only have so long before  
Pippin has to roll."  
  
Cassi grinned and snapped her fingers. The Ambulance Bay was transformed into a   
large pool area, with lounge chairs, umbrellas, and tables all over. "Let's party, people!"  
She shouted. "We have some new Weird Al tapes....and Rob, you really gotta hear  
this one."  
  
The party went into full-swing, and Anspaugh, who continued to protest, was soon  
shot by Cassi for threatening to fire Romano. "Um....someone get him to trauma one."  
She ordered. "He's cluttering up our patio."  
  
"Can we put him in Exam three?" Romano asked, sounding innocent.  
  
Cassi frowned, considering this. "Hmmmm......"  
******************************************************************  
  
Inside, at the Admit desk, Mr Glasses, the Brain gremlin, was on the phone. "We're so  
sorry, but this ER is officially closed to patients. We just had a stampede run through  
the place. We're advising all our doctors to carry shotguns from now on." He  
explained, seriously. "Besides, they're having a pool party in the Ambulance Bay,  
and there's no room for the Ambulances. Thankyou for calling, and do have a nice   
day." He hung up the phone and went back to the patient's charts, while adjusting   
his white lab coat.   
  
"Sir." A gremlin in blue scrubs spoke up behind him. "The patient is ready for his   
operation."  
  
Mr. Glasses nodded, and walked over to Trauma Two, where Pratt was tied to a gurney,  
and struggling. "Now, sir...we'll ask that you calm down." The gremlin told him. "This  
is a very simple operation. Nurse, get the anesthetic."  
  
Another gremlin in pink scrubs calmly waked over and whacked Pratt in the head with  
the mallet. "Ready Doctor." He replied.  
  
Mr. Glasses nodded and fired up the chainsaw. "Then let's get going, shall we?"  
******************************************************************  
  
End part 6...and we REALLY want reviews for this one! And while you're at it, the  
next chap of Chameleon just came up and Abby has made her first appearence.  
We'll try to have the next part of this one up as soon as we can...and the more you   
review, the faster we can. And for fans, who do you wanna see in a bathing suit?  
We can get Dave and Carter between rolls....well, that is as soon as they get Carter and  
Ardeth out of the game.  
  
Now.....about the Dorkett guy....you want they should do an operation on him, too?  
We personally want him dead LONG before the end of this, however we can kill him  
in a variety of different ways!  
  
And now....REVIEW. Pu-leaaase? Oh, and rest assured, Dave WILL be in the next   
chapter....it's Chen's turn to roll. 


	7. Oh no, the game's abducted by Bats! Let'...

On to the next chapter....okay, they say they've fixed the problem with the server busy stuff,   
so now you should have no trouble leaving reviews. And I also have to mention that I Cassi  
have ADD, and it is fact that I have NEVER finished a fanfic or story that I have started, apart  
from the spoofs. With the exception of Youth Elixir. Why? Well, we had plenty of motivation  
to finish it. So if I have long pauses in my writting, you know why. I'll get distracted by the  
littlest thing. Might I suggest some motivation now? Although we'd like to thank our usual  
readers, Becca, Deb, Matt, Admiral Jimmy, Amanda the Vampire Love, Sammie, and of course  
Kekelina. Your reviews and emails keep us going.  
Anyhow, as a good portion of the problem has been because of fanfic.net, we're willing to   
overlook this. Mainly because we've had several emails from people who have read it. Thanks.  
So....we left off with a pool party and a chainsaw. We'll see how far I can go with this today,  
as I've been having a problem with my left wrist. Being left-handed, it doesn't help. The  
Chiropractor just gave me that "ugh" look, as he fixed it...again. And it's hurting already.  
Unfortunately, Sven has the same problem with her right wrist, which the doctor put in a   
splint for being "overused". Imagine that. We figure it's because he knows we're not going to  
stop typing....or writting for that matter. I've started the 2nd Forbidden spoof, and eventually,  
when I get more transcripts from Jurassic III, I can write more in it. Unfortunately, transcripts  
involve writting too. Now that we've had this long paragraph that has nothing to do with   
our story.....(seriously, after all these before paragraphs and the insanity breaks, isn't the ADD  
pretty obvious?)   
************************************************************************  
  
In the vine covered hallway, Dave, Jing Mei, Mohawk, and Stripe looked around, trying to  
figure out where Sven and Pippin had gone.  
  
"I think they went outside to warn the others about the stampede." Jing Mei spoke up.  
  
Dave shook his head. "Shouldn't they be back now?" He asked, concerned.   
  
"It's the lady's turn." Stripe replied, motioning to Chen. "It doesn't matter if they're here or   
not. Just roll the dice before the game grows legs and runs off." He looked at Mohawk and  
rolled his eyes. "No offense." He muttered to the eight legged gremlin, who was glaring at  
him.  
  
"None taken." Mohawk retorted, flipping him off.  
  
"So you want me to roll without them?" Chen asked.  
  
Dave shrugged. "Who knows what they're doing." He put in. "Just roll, and we'll worry about  
them when it's their turn."  
  
Jing Mei shrugged and rolled the dice. It came up five. "Looks like we just freed Ardeth and  
Carter." She said, grinning.   
  
"What's the message?" Stripe asked, looking.  
  
"At night they fly, you'd better run, these winged things, they are no fun." Dave read. "And  
out comes the bats."  
  
Mohawk smirked. "That should make ole' Batsy happy." He remarked. "Something to play  
with."  
  
"Batsy?" Dave questioned. "Let me guess...the Bat Gremlin?"  
  
Stripe and Mohawk nodded. "He's the only one who can go outside." Mohawk added. "Well  
except Stripe, of course."  
  
Before they could finish their conversation, the Bats came swooping down the hall, after them.  
  
"Woah!" Dave exclaimed. "Time to move!" He pulled Jing Mei down as the bats swooped   
over them.   
  
"YEEEEEHAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!!!" A Gremlin voice screamed, following the bats. Batsy  
paused over the group on the floor, and gave a wicked grin as he listened to the bats cries.  
Then, he picked up the game, and flew off with it, answering their calls.  
  
"Hey guys! Long time, no see!" Carter called, with an insanely wide grin plastered across his  
face.   
  
Ardeth followed behind him, with the same grin. "That was truely fun!" He proclaimed. "It  
was almost a pity to come back."  
  
"What's going on?" Carter asked, seeing their faces.  
  
"Batsy just flew off with the game." Jing Mei informed them. "We have to go catch him."  
  
Ardeth shrugged. "Batsy is a gremlin." He remarked. "What's so hard about it?"  
  
"Moron alert." Mohawk muttered.  
  
Ardeth glared and pulled out his lightsaber. "You can be spider-sushi, you know." He   
snapped.  
  
"Batsy is Bat Gremlin." Dave told them. "Carter's seen the movie, right?"  
  
Carter frowned. "Umm, no....but I did hear that Batsy wasn't allergic to daylight." He replied  
to Ardeth. "We'll have to go out and get him."  
  
"All except Mohawk." Stripe informed them. "Mohawk IS allergic to daylight."  
  
Mohawk grinned. "Nice knowing you." He retorted, with a smirk.  
  
The other five looked at each other and sighed. "Okay, let's go catch us a Bat so we can  
finish this thing up....although I will admit it has been pretty fun." Carter said, with a grin.  
************************************************************************  
  
In the Ambulance Bay, they were playing Weird Al's "Like a Surgeon," which the surgeons  
present were finding very amusing. As soon as the pool was in, over half the staff had   
dived in, and the rest were seated in lounge chairs, watching and laughing.  
  
Sven and Cassi, being the pool freaks they are, had naturally changed their clothes with the  
snap of a finger and dived in. Pippin, with a wide grin, had just dived in, clothes and all. So  
far, they had not been interrupted by anyone, due to the fact that Bill had conjured a large rock  
and blocked off the Ambulance Bay to anyone who wanted in. **Yes, Bill conjures big rocks.  
  
Several of the Security team, (ours, not theirs) had also joined in the party. Steve, Nick, Sara,  
and Bridget were seated in lounge chairs with glasses of....you don't really want to know,  
trust me. We'll leave it to your imagination.  
  
Everyone was decidedly having a good time when they all looked up suddenly and saw the  
large Bat Gremlin streak out of the building, carrying a large box. Behind him were the   
Jumanji bats, all of them singing in glee.  
  
Pippin looked up from the water. "Oops, that doesn't look good." He stated.  
  
Sven looked up. "I wonder who's turn it is now." She mused.  
  
Pippin shrugged. "Don't know."  
  
This was when Dave, Jing Mei and Stripe ran out the door, their mouths dropping in shock.  
  
Romano looked up from his conversation with Benton and Elizabeth. "Oh look who finally   
came outside." He remarked.  
  
Dave just shook his head in disbelief. "You're having a POOL PARTY out here?!" He  
demanded.  
  
"Sure." Cassi informed them. "You guys are going to go swimming in there when the monsoon  
hits, why shouldn't we go swimming out here?"   
  
"This is so unfair." Jing Mei muttered.   
  
"Who's turn is it?" Pippin called from the pool.  
  
Dave shrugged. "Ardeth's." He answered.  
  
"They're out of the game?" Sven asked.  
  
"ALRIGHT!!!! CANNONBALL!!!!!" Carter shouted, jumping into the pool with all his clothes  
on the second he was through the door.  
  
"I think that's a yes." Romano spoke up, grabbing a towel to wipe the splashed water off.  
  
Elizabeth grabbed her own towel. "I think Carter should have stayed in the game a little  
longer." She muttered.  
  
Ardeth grinned. "We wanted to." He informed them. "But Chen rolled a five."  
  
"Um guys?" Jing Mei remarked, loudly. "We have to go catch the game now."   
  
"Do we have to?" Carter asked, yanking his wet shirt off, and swimming back toward the   
edge of the pool.  
  
"It's Ardeth's turn." Sven answered. "Yes, you have to."  
  
"What about you?" Dave asked, with a glare.  
  
Pippin grinned. "We shouldn't chase Bat Gremlins until an hour after we got in the water."  
He proclaimed.  
  
Romano frowned. "Oookaaay."  
  
"That didn't sound right." Peter spoke up.  
  
"I think he just made that up." Shirley remarked.  
  
"We're doctors and we've heard no such rule." Elizabeth called out.  
  
"No, it's TRUE!" Carter put in. "We have to wait an hour."  
  
Ardeth shrugged and jumped in. "Now I have to wait an hour as well." He told them.  
  
Dave looked at Jing Mei and the two of them jumped into the pool.   
  
Only Stripe stood on the edge with a wicked grin. "Hmmm, maybe I should make myself have  
to wait an hour, too." He murmured with an evil grin.  
  
The group in the pool stared at him. "NOOO!" They all cried in unison.  
  
"So that means we get the game." Stripe threatened, standing on the edge of the pool. "Or  
I'll jump in."  
  
From the doorway, Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer looked at the pool, then looked at each   
other. The pair had come out to find out what to do with Anspaugh and Weaver. When   
they saw the pool, their faces grew to evil grins. "CANNONBALL!!!!!!" They both screamed,  
leaping into the pool, splashing everyone around and knocking Stripe over the edge and into  
the deep end.   
  
The doctors around the pool stared in shock.  
  
"Oy vey." Romano muttered, moaning into his hand. "Lizzie, I need another pill."  
************************************************************************  
End part seven.....and if I don't get any reviews, it'll be a long while before you find out  
what happened......with this and the chainsaw from last time.   
  
**Yes, Mungo and Teazer swim, Bob taught them....when he threw them in the pool. Yet  
another one of Cassi's unfinished stories.** 


	8. Dare to be Stupid

And for this part, we pick up where we left off. In went Stripe to the pool. So without a long  
note this time, we return you to the pool. *watches as all fall in* Oops, too close. You'll   
need to back up a bit....oh, and grab a towel.  
**********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER EIGHT... DARE TO BE STUPID  
***********************************************************  
To those who noticed I didn't name the last chapter.....why are you bothering with those   
little things? You're supposed to be reading the STORY! Get back to it! Anyhow, I was  
preoccupied and forgot. So ignore it....where were we? Oh right...the pool....are you sure  
you don't wanna go back inside and find out how Pratt is? *ducks flying objects* Okay  
already! We'll go to the pool. Just don't fall in this time....there's a gremlin in there. He  
won't wanna share the beach ball with strangers.....so bring your own.  
  
In the pool, everyone had pretty much screamed in terror, the minute Stripe had fallen in.  
  
Everyone, that is, with the exception of Sven, Cassi, and Pippin. The three of them were   
still diving for rocks at the bottom of the pool. As she resurfaced, Sven stared at the   
people who were trying to get out. "What happened?" She asked. "Did someone go to   
the bathroom in the pool?"  
  
Stripe resurfaced and broke into a coughing fit. "Ohhh, I'm gonna knock me out a   
couple of cats." He muttered, between coughs.  
  
"Sorry." Teazer said as she came to the top. "Me an' Mungo luv ta swim, an' we ain' 'ad  
much chances ta do i'."  
  
Mungo grinned in glee, shaking the water out of his hair, splattering all nearbye. "Tha' was  
fun!" He called.  
  
Susan turned at the edge of the pool, staring at Stripe. "Wait a sec. He's a GREMLIN!"  
She protested. Carter and Ardeth turned around and swam closer to him.   
  
Stripe gave a guilty grin. "Well.....you never asked me about the water thing." He informed  
them. "Obviously, if I can go out in the sun like this, the rules no longer apply to me. I  
found out I couldn't multiply the hard way."  
  
Sven smirked. "He woke up with a bad sunburn, then jumped in the water to try to make  
more...." She remarked, snickering. "Naturally, he ended up with a lot of pain, spent the  
next few days peeling and was completely miserable."  
  
Stripe gave her a flat look. "Thanks for the re-cap." He snapped.  
  
"In that case, you might wanna use my sunblock." Cassi told him. "You burn more in the  
water." **Yes, Cassi uses very strong sunblock. This is how she keeps her very pale   
complexion when she goes out swimming or working in the sun. Don't ask me why, but I  
like my pale look. I hate tanning.**  
  
Stripe made a face, swam to the edge of the pool, and jumped out to get the sunblock.  
He stripped off his shirt and jeans, leaving a black pair of boxers, and dived back in after  
applying the sunblock. "Guess this means I have to wait an hour too." He smirked.   
  
From the door, Mohawk looked out and shook his head. "Hey peoples! ONE OF THE  
GREMLINS JUST BROKE YOUR MICROWAVE!!!!" He shouted.  
  
Romano's head shot up. "WHAT!?"   
  
Mohawk gave another shrug. "They heard something in your song about sticking your  
head in a microwave to get a tan, and one of the idiots tried it!" He informed them. **This  
was in the song "Dare to be Stupid", proving that gremlins are indeed stupid.**  
  
Romano slid down lower in his chair and groaned. "Great. And that won't get fixed when  
the game's over." He muttered. "They didn't set the lounge on fire, did they?"  
  
Mohawk shook his head. "No, but he did blow up!" He replied. "You now have a big  
mess all over the place!"  
  
Elizabeth made a face. "I'm not going in there." She announced. "There's a rule about   
chasing gremlins for an hour after going in the water." With this, she jumped into the pool,  
scrubs and all.  
  
Romano shook his head. "I'm not going in there." He remarked. "This is a walkout, we're  
protesting them, remember?"  
  
Peter grinned. "Oh yeah." He agreed, pulling off his shirt and jumping into the pool in  
his jeans.  
  
Romano shook his head, and rolled his eyes. He couldn't go into the pool with his arm  
bandaged, and really didn't feel like it anyway. Sighing, he pulled out the "Forbidden Game  
Collectors Edition", and flipped through it, to see if he could come up with more evil deeds  
for the third spoof and the remainder of the second.  
  
Shirley looked over his shoulder. "So that's the book we're doing now?" She asked.  
  
Romano nodded. "Yeah, wanna read it?"   
  
Shirley looked it over. "Yeah." She answered. "You have another one?"  
  
"No, but Cassi does." He told her, pulling another from Cassi's bag, and handing it to her.  
  
"Isn't she using this?" Shirley asked, looking over at Cassi, who was still diving for rocks.  
  
"Not that one." Romano replied. "She's using the other books for the spoof writting. She  
says she likes the pictures in the front of the others better....besides, she has two copies of  
each of the original books, and two collector's edditions."  
  
Shirley stared. "Wow.." She mused. "She must like them a lot."   
  
"You haven't seen Sven with the Xanth series yet." Romano informed her with a small  
smile. "And the Lord of the Rings books."  
  
Shirley nodded. "Okay....I guess." She agreed, flopping down next to Romano, and   
opening the book.  
  
"HEY!" Cassi called from the pool. "That's my NEW one! Don't fold the pages over, and  
it better come back in the same shape you got it in!"  
  
"Got it!" Shirley answered.  
  
In the pool, Elizabeth had joined the rock diving, which Lucy was also now involved in, and  
Peter Benton had joined Carter, Ardeth, Stripe, Susan, Abby, Dr. Atherton, Chris Mason,  
Gallant, Kovac, Chuny, Lily, Lydia, Connie, Randi, Dave, Jing Mei, Mungo, and Rumpel in   
their game of water volleyball.   
  
"Good thing this place fit a VERY big pool." Carter spoke up. "We'd never fit all these   
people in a smaller one."  
  
Benton nodded. "Should have invited Cleo, but I didn't know we'd be having a party." He  
remarked. "All we knew was that the spiders had invaded the hospital."  
  
Susan grinned. "Well, I guess the spiders are still in the hospital." She spoke up, smacking  
the ball back over the net. "But then, I'm having too much fun to care."  
  
"No kidding! This is the best walkout we've ever had." Abby cried. "How come we couldn't  
do this last time?"  
  
Carter rolled his eyes. "Because I couldn't make a pool out here." He reminded her.  
  
Cassi grinned. "Yeah...well, you can't say we're not original!" She remarked.  
  
Pippin frowned. "Where do you s'pose Batsy went with the game?" He asked, setting his  
rocks on the edge.  
  
Sven shrugged. "Don't worry about it." She answered, matter-of-factly. "He's a gremlin.  
As soon as he realizes we're ignoring him, he'll most likely come back to find out why."  
  
"Are you serious?" Dave asked, turning.  
  
"Yes." Stripe informed him. "He'll be back. It's no fun to go running from someone unless  
they come after you."  
  
Carter shrugged. "Well then we just wait for him to come back, and while we're waiting..."  
He paused to give the ball a whack. "We can have some fun!"  
  
From her seat under the umbrella, Shirley looked over and noticed Romano was not reading.  
He was watching Elizabeth with interest. She looked over at where Dr. Corday was standing  
near the edge of the pool, her scrubs now plastered to her body. "Hmmm," Shirley spoke  
up quietly. "Do you suppose she realizes what she looks like?"   
  
Romano smirked. "Nope." He answered, just as quiet. "And I'm not going to tell her....are  
you?"  
  
Shirley laughed and shook her head. "I'd hate to see what she does to you when she figures  
it out." She remarked.  
  
"To me!?" Romano asked, innocently. "She's the one dressed like that, not me. I didn't  
make her go in there."  
  
"She's probably just teasing you." Shirley suggested, smirking.  
  
Elizabeth, oblvious to their comments, went back under the water.  
  
Cassi eyed Romano and turned to Sven. "I think he needs a drool bucket." She said  
quietly.   
  
Sven nodded. "Yeah, looks that way." She agreed. "Shall we get Lizzie a swim suit?"  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Only if she wants one." She answered. "It's not like she's not wearing   
anything under that."  
  
Elizabeth, seeing them, swam over. "What's going on?" She asked.  
  
"Your future husband is drooling over there." Sven remarked, bluntly.  
  
Elizabeth looked down at her scrubs, and blushed. "Is he really?" She questioned.  
  
"Oh yeah." Cassi answered. "Want us to make you a suit?"  
  
Elizabeth considered it. "Sure." She replied, with an evil grin. "How about a nice black  
bikini? It should give him something to drool about."  
  
"You are truely mean." Sven told her.   
  
Elizabeth grinned and shook her head. "He was mean to me first." She countered.  
  
Cassi shrugged. "You know, I gave up trying to figure out that relationship between the  
two of you a long time ago." She told her, snapping her fingers, instantly changing   
Lizzie's scrubs to a bikini.  
  
With an evil grin to Cassi and Sven, Elizabeth turned and posed.  
  
Romano dropped the book and shook his head in disbelief, while Shirley burst out laughing.  
  
Off to the side, in their own lounge chairs, Burt Gummer, Roland Tembo, and Mick Dundee  
started laughing.  
  
Romano turned to glare. "If I catch you looking at her, I'm shooting all of you. That is going  
to be my WIFE!"  
  
Burt smirked. "Does her husband know that?" He asked, innocently.  
  
Romano looked over at Shirley, who was laughing, then turned back, with his own innocent  
smile. "Her husband was dead last I heard. She's a widow."  
  
Burt shrugged, stuck his tongue out, and returned to his guns, which he, Roland, and   
Dundee were messing with.  
  
Nick did a brief double-take, then walked over to observe. "Hey, I got me one of those, too."  
He informed the group. "Won it in a poker game in front of that crashed plane on Site B."  
  
Burt grinned. "Really? The Federales gave me mine." He answered.  
  
Steve walked over to examine the weapon. "Wow....maybe we can ask the Costa Rican   
federales if we can have some." He suggested. When he looked up and caught the three  
humans staring at him as if he was from the moon, he shrugged. "It could happen."  
  
Burt gave a small nod. "Graboids on Site B....interesting concept." He mused.  
  
Nick and Steve exchanged a glance. "Kind of makes you pity them, wouldn't it?" Nick   
remarked.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Burt demanded. "They'd eat you in one bite."  
  
Nick shook his head. "It's not us I was talking about." He retorted, smirking. "It's Carter,  
Ardeth, Ryan, and Murdoc."  
  
Roland gave a nod. "Yeah, Ardeth could probably change it into a snail or something." He  
admitted.  
  
Burt nodded, as he remembered. "Yeah....maybe we should take him with us on the NEXT  
shot!"   
**********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, inside the hospital, on the surgical floor, Jacey groaned. She was caught up in  
the sticky mess in the hallway, where she'd been ever since she'd tried to cut it down. From  
the vent nearby, Jeffery was watching her. He'd remained inside when all the others had   
gone out to play. He'd already noticed that Carter had come back, but then Carter had gone  
outside, too. Now, he'd found Mohawk's web, and this nice human caught in it. He climbed  
out of the vent and looked around. Mohawk was nowhere to be seen. What a shame for  
him to leave this nice morsel caught in the web. Jeffery's mouth watered. It was lunchtime!  
**********************************************************************  
  
Random insanity bit....another one. More things to ponder.....If a train station is where the  
train stops, what is a work station? How come there aren't B size batteries? Why do banks  
charge you "Non-sufficiant funds" fees on money they already know you don't have? And  
last but not least, Why is it that bullets ricochet off Superman's chest, and yet he ducks   
when the gun is thrown at him?!  
  
We now return to our story.  
**********************************************************************  
  
In Trauma One, Mark Greene, Casey, Sam, and Salt were wondering what had happened to  
the missing cats.  
  
"Is it possible they got eaten?" Casey wondered.  
  
Sam shook his head. "Cassi and Sven wouldn't let that happen." He answered. "They try  
to keep Miracle Max alive....Carter's the only other one who knows how to make the pills  
and he's stuck in the game last I heard."  
  
"Well, we DO have this small pile of pills already here." Salt reminded them.  
  
"Did they say who all we were supposed to bring back?" Casey asked.  
  
Greene shrugged. "I'd venture guess they don't want Anspaugh and Kerry back any time  
soon." He replied. "If they had their way, they'd stay dead."  
  
"What is going on out there anyway?" Salt put in. "Ever since the vines grew out, we've   
heard nothing from that direction.....except for that chainsaw a while ago, which I don't   
even want to KNOW what happed there."  
  
"That's gotta be the gremlins." Casey remarked, yawning. "They're the ones seeing the  
patients. The doctors all left, I think."  
  
"I heard something about Romano and a walkout." Greene answered. "So they're probably  
outside, doing who knows what."  
  
"I think we should go look." Casey stated. "They're probably having more fun than we   
are."  
  
"You wanna try to get past the vines?" Sam pointed out.  
  
"Mungo and Teazer did." Salt answered, matter-of-factly.  
  
"Mungo and Teazer as we said are protected." Greene reminded him. "We aren't."  
  
"Well, the spiders can't get me." Casey told them. "They made sure of that when I was   
brought back."  
  
"Yeah, but what about the little flowers and those big yellow pods?" Sam asked, pointedly.  
"No offense, Casey, but you already died once. I don't want to have to bring your   
worthless self back again."  
  
"I'm truely touched." Casey retorted, flatly.  
  
"I say we try it anyway." Replied Salt. "It might be worth it. From what I know about Cassi  
and Romano, they won't be bored out there."  
  
"You think we're missing a party?" Greene asked, frowning.  
  
"I would say that's a pretty good guess." Salt told him. "Think about it."  
  
Sam considered it. "Salt's right." He said, after a minute. "Knowing Cassi, a party is   
definitely a possibility. Let's get out of here."  
  
"What about the dead people?" Greene asked.  
  
"They're dead, they can't come." Casey informed him, smirking.  
  
Greene rolled his eyes. "I mean do we just leave them in here to get played with by   
gremlins?" He pressed.  
  
"Like he said. They're dead, what difference does it make?" Salt answered, shrugging.   
"Come on, what are we waiting for?"   
  
Casey stood up and headed for the door. Salt and Sam soon followed and, after a minute,  
Greene did the same. Overall, the people were, in fact, dead. And there wasn't much they  
could do anyway.  
**********************************************************************  
  
End Part eight.....where are my reviews?! I mean if you people are not liking this, TELL me!  
I need to know these things. Later--Cassi 


	9. Viva El Blanco

Part nine.....and even as I write this part eight has been done for about 3 days, but has not  
been uploaded due to lack of reviews. And how long it takes for this one to go up, is I  
guess up to you people. Today is June 12.....Hey, my birthday's in less than two weeks....  
cool. for those curious, I'll be 26.....yes....I'm getting very old. Believe me, I feel every   
year of it....and more. Today, we have no air conditioning....the thing froze up.....that   
really stinks....it's at least in the 90's and humidity at about 60%. And it's going to rain.  
This wasn't in any weather report, just the fact that my wrists and knees are starting to  
hurt as they normally do just before an air pressure change. So....let's see...we have a  
nice before paragraph that has nothing to do with the story. As a few of our close fans  
have learned, something is coming. We usually drop hints. So....those of you who know  
us and our work, have probably figured something out by now. As you can well imagine,  
this hospital is toast.....because someone who shall remain nameless until one of us   
screams at this person....brought a pet.....and although this person still claims it is NOT   
a pet, we all know better. ^_^ Back to the spoof.......  
********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER NINE: "VIVA EL BLANCO"  
**********************************************  
By the time Greene, Salt, Sam, and Casey had reached the Ambulance Bay, Cassi had   
gotten out of the pool for a short while, saying something about putting on more sun-  
block. She was now seated in Shirley's lounge chair, as Shirley had given in to Elizabeth's  
persuasion, and gone to join the others in the pool.  
  
"I'm bored." Cassi spoke up suddenly.  
  
"How in the world could you possibly be bored?" Romano demanded.  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Don't know, but I'm bored." She went on.  
  
"Hey!" Burt suddenly called out. "Check it out! It's a MIRACLE!!!" He pointed to the  
hospital doors where Greene and his group had just come out. "He LIVES!"  
  
Romano made a face. "I'm gonna shoot that guy." He muttered, reaching for his gun.  
  
Cassi stopped his wrist. "Don't shoot him. We like him." She told him. "Besides, Burt's  
gun is bigger than yours. The guy cracked the engine block of a truck with that thing   
and he was about 50 feet away from it at least."  
  
"So?" Romano smirked. "That's not exactly hard to do."  
  
Cassi smiled. "Yes, but there was several metal barrels, a cinderblock wall, a Shrieker,   
a wooden post and a few more barrels in the way first....and then it went all the way  
through the truck." She informed him. "It probably would have gone through a few more  
things, but there wasn't anything else there."  
  
"How far did it go after that?" Romano asked curiously.  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Don't know." She answered. "They were too mad at him for  
destroying their only means of escape to find out."  
  
Romano burst out laughing. "Serves him right."  
  
Burt, having heard this, glared. "That's not funny!" He yelled, only causing Romano to  
laugh harder. He narrowed his eyes, in a pout. "I oughta feed him to El Blanco." He   
muttered, quietly.  
  
Roland and Dundee snickered, loudly.  
  
Behind them, Carter shook his head. "Not smart. Romano can't die." He told them.   
  
Burt grinned. "Even better." He mused.  
  
"They'd have to cut him out." Carter reminded him.  
  
"Can't." Burt retorted, smirking. "He's an endangered spiecies."  
  
Carter shrugged. "So would Romano be if he ate him." He informed the group. "Besides,  
the poor thing would get one bad case of indigestion."  
  
Sven snickered from the edge of the pool. "Yeah, just like Petey." She put in.  
  
"Who the [heck] is--" Burt began.  
  
"He killed himself, running into an underground cement wall, after eating someone who  
really didn't agree with him." She remarked, giving Burt a knowing look.  
  
Burt stared at her a minute, then calmly went back to polishing his gun.  
  
From the door, Greene and the others were looking around.  
  
"See?" Casey spoke up. "A party."  
  
"Fine, you were right." Greene muttered under his breath.  
  
Casey grinned, and jumped into the pool, clothes and all. "Much more fun than baby-  
sitting dead people." He announced as he resurfaced.  
  
Greene, who had just noticed Elizabeth in the pool, was staring at her.  
  
Romano looked over at him and glared. "Hey!" He snapped. "Stop looking at her! She's  
MY wife now!"  
  
"Hey, I WAS married to her already, you know." Greene reminded him.   
  
"Are they fighting over you?" Shirley asked Elizabeth in the pool.  
  
Elizabeth nodded. "I believe so." She answered, laughing. "How do you think it will  
turn out?"  
  
Romano, who still had his gun out, and was already disappointed about not getting to  
shoot Burt, decided that Greene was just as convenient. He smiled, evily, held out his  
gun, and shot Greene instead. "Ah, now I feel all better." He sighed, laying back.  
  
Cassi looked at both for a minute before shaking her head. "And you jump on us when  
we shoot people for looking at us." She reminded him.  
  
"That wasn't for looking at anyone." Romano retorted, innocently. "It was because I  
wanted to shoot someone and he was there."  
  
Cassi rolled her eyes. "Like I said." She told him, flatly.  
  
"Well you're the one who told me I couldn't shoot Burt." Romano argued. "So Mahk,  
over there just happened to be the first one who got on my nerves."  
  
"That's not funny Robert!" Elizabeth called from the pool.  
  
"Ooh, somone's spending his wedding night sleeping on the floor." Chris Mason   
called out, laughing.  
  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes and gave Chris a brainduster. "We won't HAVE a wedding   
night." She snapped. "Cassi and Sven just snap their fingers and we're married."  
  
"Don't forget me, Mom!" Abby shouted from across the pool. "You're married with  
a daughter....and I like you better than my REAL mom!"  
  
Romano made a face. "Oy, this sucks." He muttered.  
  
"Mom!" Abby yelled. "Daddy doesn't LOVE me!"  
  
This did it for all around the pool. Everyone burst out laughing.  
  
"I TOLD you to call the adoption agency, but you just wouldn't listen." Romano   
complained.  
  
"Mommy, can we get a new Daddy?" Abby asked, grinning. "You can re-marry Daddy-  
Mark!"  
  
"Hey I don't care WHO she marries as long as it ain't Sheep-guy!" Sven snapped.  
  
"Sheep-guy?" Elizabeth asked, staring.  
  
"Dorsett....type of sheep?" Sven informed her. "We have one. We'd know."  
  
Romano's face brightened. "Oh REEEEAAALLY?" He smirked. "Ah, that opens loads  
of possibilities."  
  
Cassi gave a grin. "BAAAAA!!!" She shouted, loud enough for everyone to hear,   
causing more fits of laughter.   
  
"Hmmm, Dr Sheep." Ardeth mused.  
  
"Dr. Schmuck-Sheep." Carter went on.  
  
"Dr. Sheep-Schmuck." Stripe continued.  
  
"Dr. SCHMEEP!" Cassi announced, loudly, causing more laughter.  
  
"Well I hope HE never comes to Perfection." Burt proclaimed. "El Blanco loves sheep."  
  
"Hmmm, what an idea." Sven commented. "No, wait, he'd make the poor guy sick. We  
can't even LOOK at him without getting sick."  
********************************************************************  
  
And time for yet another insanity break commercial....This time, we're going to go for a  
new one. These are misprints on church bulletins. Actual misprints on church bulletins.  
We would like to give credit to Mark Lowry, whose site we ripped these off of, even   
though Mark himself ripped them off of someone else.  
  
Misprint 1: "Thursday night Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."  
  
Misprint 2: "The scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be   
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."  
  
And finally, Misprint 3: "Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight,  
at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way   
from Africa."  
  
Thankyou for your time, and we now return you to the fic in progress.....  
********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, inside the building, Dr. Dorkett (cough*sheepman*cough), after having   
found Jacey's body in the hallway inside the messy white goo, was waiting at the   
elevator that would take him downstairs to the ER, where Anspaugh, and Corday had  
somehow disappeared.   
  
The elevator arrived, and he stepped inside, pressing the button for the ER. After a   
minute, the elevator arrived on the first floor, and he stared as a small green creature,   
dressed in medical scrubs, and wearing glasses, stepped onto the elevator, carrying a  
styrofoam cooler. Crudely lettered on the cooler's outside were the words, "Human   
Head." The creature looked up at him for a moment.   
  
"Excuse me, sir, but are you lost?" It asked him, pointedly. "I can't help but notice you  
aren't getting off the elevator."  
  
Dorkett was still staring at the cooler, and made no reply.  
  
The creature looked down at the cooler than back up at him. "Are you a surgeon?" It  
asked.  
  
"Uh.....actually, um....yes, I am." Dorkett stammered.  
  
The creature brightened. "Oh how lovely to meet you. I am Dr. Glasses." He informed  
the shocked surgeon. "I've just finished my first big operation."  
  
Dorkett gave a slow nod and eyed the cooler again. "I see.....and what's that for?" He  
managed to ask.  
  
Dr. Glasses smiled. "This is for my other operation." He informed Dorkett. "I'm going to  
reattach this head to my subject upstairs."  
  
"So....uh....there's really a head in there?" Dorkett questioned, paling.  
  
"Why yes!" Dr. Glasses replied, proudly. "And it only took about 15 seconds to get it   
off! I know they say you should always use scalpels and such for these operations,  
but I fully believe that they have not yet explored all the options of the chainsaw. You   
can't always depend on such small instruments to quickly do surgical proceedures, can  
you? No, naturally not! You must find instruments that do things quickly! That's the  
experiment I'm trying to conduct! The full usage of chainsaws in medical proceedures!  
What do you think....being a vetran in the surgical field, that is?"  
  
Dorkett was now completely speechless. "Uh.....well, I......"  
  
"Listen, you must be on your way to an important call, so I best not keep you." Dr.  
Glasses went on, casually. "Please do go down and help the nurses out. Heaven knows  
we don't have enough help here what with the walkout and all."  
  
"There was a walkout?" Dorkett managed to ask.   
  
"Well, yes." Dr. Glasses answered, rolling his eyes. "And we're way behind with the   
patients, let me tell you. It seems we're the only ones who don't mind working with all  
the killer vines and spiders around. Anyway, I must be going now. You can check in   
the nurses and they'll let you know where you can start. So long now."   
  
Dorkett stared as the elevator doors closed, taking the creature upstairs. That was one  
of the weirdest conversations he'd ever heard.  
  
"Excuse me, Doctor?" A small female voice spoke up. "Are you on duty?"   
  
Dorkett looked down, seeing another creature, this one female, with green hair and pink  
scrubs on. "Uh....yes." He answered, staring.  
  
"Oh good, could you take a look at this patient?" She asked, pulling his pants leg. "He's  
in here. I think he's crashing."  
  
Dorkett ran into the room she pointed out and his mouth dropped as he caught sight of  
what was left of Dr. Pratt. He just made it to the sink before he lost what little he'd eaten  
that morning, then he passed out.  
  
Maxine, the Girl Gremlin stared at the doctor on the floor. "Ugh." She muttered. "How  
terribly unprofessional."  
********************************************************************  
  
Out in the Ambulance Bay, Cassi had returned Greene to life....much to Romano's   
disappointment. He had now joined them in the lounge chairs, while, Sam and Salt had  
joined Casey in the pool, and were now playing with Betsy.   
  
"So, anyway, what are we going to do with the dead people in the hospital?" Greene   
asked, grabbing a pair of sunglasses.  
  
Romano shrugged. "Not a clue." He remarked, yawning. "We'll get them back at about   
the end, I suppose."  
  
"You DO realize someone was using a chainsaw in there, and it wasn't one of the   
humans." Mark informed Cassi and Romano.  
  
Robert raised an eyebrow. "Did you check?" He asked.  
  
Greene shook his head. "No way." He remarked, quickly. "When Gremlins play with   
chainsaws, I've learned not to look."  
  
"Yeah, I can see how that would be true." Cassi agreed. "So who's missing?"  
  
Romano looked around. "Well.....Pratt hasn't been out here.....he was in the ER, and I  
think he's the only one in there, who's not here....and anyone else on the surgical floor."  
He answered, counting on his fingers.  
  
"In other words, it's only the people we won't miss." Cassi concluded. "No problem   
then."  
  
Romano nodded. "Yeah, sounds about right." He commented.   
  
Cassi sat for a minute. "Rob?"  
  
"Yeah?" He responded.  
  
"I'm still bored." Cassi answered.  
  
"Why don't you go back into the pool?" Greene asked, pointedly.  
  
"I don't feel like it." Cassi informed him.  
  
"So what do you wanna do?" Romano asked.  
  
Cassi frowned for a minute. "I don't know." She answered.  
  
"We can shoot Greene." Romano suggested.  
  
"I don't feel like that either." Cassi moaned, pouting.  
  
Romano thought for a minute. "We can shoot random people." He spoke up.  
  
Cassi frowned again. "I'm bored of that, too." She told him.  
  
"You wanna go play with the Gremlins?" Greene asked.  
  
"No." Cassi snapped. "They're boring, too."  
  
"So what do you want to do?" Romano asked.  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Cassi responded.  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Romano asked.  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Cassi continued.  
  
"How about you guys both go entertain yourselves?" Greene interrupted.  
  
"We are." Cassi told him. "This is us entertaining ourselves. What do you wanna do?"  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Romano went on, grinning.  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Cassi replied, laughing.  
  
"I think you both need help." Greene retorted, getting up and walking off.  
  
"Well, we got rid of him." Cassi stated, triumphantly.  
  
"Yep." Romano answered.  
  
Cassi waited a minute. "So...." She spoke up. "What do you wanna do?"  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Romano went on, shaking his head.  
  
"Does she do that a lot?" Shirley asked Sven.  
  
"Yes." Sven answered. "All the time."  
  
This extremely interesting conversation was interrupted by Noah Newman running in,   
waving.  
  
"Hey, Newman!" Sven called jumping out of the pool and grabbing a towel. "What's  
going on?"  
  
Newman smiled. "You sent us off to kidnap this guy for bringing into the spoofs." He  
reminded her. "Remember?"  
  
Sven frowned. "Um....I think we had a few guys we needed kidnapped for spoofs." She  
told him. "Which one?"  
  
Newman rolled his eyes. "The one named after the hound dog." He informed her.  
  
"Huh?" Sven frowned again. "Um....no. Which one?"  
  
"Bassett?" Newman remarked, raising an eyebrow. "Ring a bell?"  
  
"OH!!" Sven exclaimed. "Earl! Yeah, I know who you mean. He wasn't supposed to be   
here until the spoofs start back up!"  
  
Newman shrugged. "Yeah, so we're early." He admitted. "You want him?"  
  
"Oh yeah sure." Sven told him. "Bring him in."  
  
Dave jumped up from the pool and ran over. "Um, the bats have nothing to do with us."  
He said quickly.  
  
Sven rolled her eyes. "They have a new victim for us, it's not about that." She snapped.  
  
"Oh, right." Dave breathed, relieved. "Never mind then."  
  
"Bats?" Newman questioned, as Dave ran off.  
  
"It's nothing." Sven answered quickly. "Bring the hound dog in."  
  
Romano and Cassi came walking over. "What's up?" Cassi asked, still sounding bored.  
  
"They got Earl Bassett." Sven informed them.  
  
"Who?" Romano asked, confused.   
  
"Friend of Burt's." Cassi explained. "He wasn't supposed to be here yet."   
  
"Can I shoot him?" Romano asked, sounding hopeful.  
  
"No!" Sven retorted, bluntly. "We don't need him dead yet."  
  
"Well, you DID say he wasn't supposed to be here yet!" Romano argued.  
  
"That doesn't mean you can shoot him." Sven stated, with a snort. "We'd like to keep  
him alive for a while."  
  
Newman returned with Gerard and Cosmo, who were leading a man, who was handcuffed,  
and sporting a paper bag over his head. They could hear muffled complaints from  
under the bag.  
  
"We had to tape his mouth shut." Gerard explained. "He was not too happy about it."  
  
From the pool, Stripe screamed. "SHUT IT OFF!!!!"  
  
Sven frowned. "What is that high pitched annoying noise?" She demanded.  
  
Cassi scrunched up her face and rubbed her ear. "I don't know, but it better stop." She  
muttered.  
  
Mungo and Teazer, who had just resurfaced, now grabbed their own ears. "Make i'   
STOP!!!!" Mungo cried, in pain.  
  
Cassi's face changed as she caught sight of Earl's wrist. "Oh EEWWW, he's got one of  
THOSE THINGS!!!" She grumbled, yanking the watch off, and stomping on it.   
  
At the distruction of the watch, all affected by the awful noise, which we've been told is  
an ultra sonic signal, sigh with relief. **Yes, it is very likely that Cassi and Sven can in   
fact hear this as we have very sensitive ears, and we DO have problems with dog whistles  
and high pitches....fingernails on chalkboard are murder for us**  
  
Sven shook her head to clear it. "Ahh, better." She breathed. "Where did you get this   
guy from?"  
  
"That little tiny town in Nevada....um...Perfection." Cosmo answered. "He was called in  
to find out what happened to ol'e Burt over there."  
  
Sven stared. "You took him all the way from Perfection with that thing on?!" She  
shouted.  
  
Gerard nodded. "Yeah, is that a problem?" He asked, concerned.  
  
They were interrupted by Sara Raptor, who came running up. "HELP!!!" She screamed.  
"Fred just got ate by a MONSTER!!!"  
  
Cassi moaned, closing her eyes. "Oy vey." She muttered.  
  
Burt jumped up, seeing them for the first time. "What kind of monster?" He asked.  
  
"A big ugly WHITE monster!!" Sara cried. "He ate him from under the ground!"  
  
"BURT!" Cassi scolded. "Didn't we tell you to leave your STUPID PETS AT HOME?!"  
  
Burt leaned over, and yanked the bag off of Earl. "That thing is NOT my pet, and it  
followed HIM, not ME!" He accused.  
  
At the sound of his voice, El Blanco burst up through the pavement behind the group.  
  
Cassi, Sven, Gerard, Cosmo, Newman, Romano, and Burt stood, staring at him.  
  
Earl, still tied, and held securly by Gerard, could not move at all.  
  
"Great, now see what you've done?" Sven demanded, glaring at Burt.  
********************************************************************  
  
End part nine.....and one of these days when we get reviews, we'll update faster....hint   
hint. Must have more....where are you people!? We want more people telling us they   
read this stuff! We keep adding more monsters and distractions, and no one has   
commented......HELLO!!! Is anyone out there reading this at all? We're still thinking  
to scrap it if nobody wants to read it.  
  
Review now! --Cassi & Sven  
  
June 24th. This chapter will finally go up....and if you people want to see what happens next  
I had better get a few reviews for this! Come on....it's my birthday.....um, no, seriously  
it is. I would also like to say happy birthday to Ramon Montelongo-Cavazos (my little brother  
in Mexico), Jose Barker (my adorable nephew), and Mark Lowry.....how we got the same birthday,  
I'll never know.   
  
Just so you know, we WILL get back to the game.....um...and perhaps back to the gremlins as  
well......they are the only "doctors" still torturing the patients....And we're not done with   
Sheep-man yet....he DID just pass out on the floor in front of a gremlin. This is a bad idea. 


	10. And the Oscar goes to EL BLANCO!

Part ten....this is currently June 24th and the previous section will finally be uploaded today.  
It has been done for almost two weeks.....what does this tell you? I'm not impressed with  
the amount of reviews I've gotten. Is anyone other than Becca, Jimmy, Amanda and Deb  
even reading this?! Matt? Kekelina? Where are you? *makes a face* Or is it that you  
people are afraid to admit you read these pointless stories.....that's it, isn't it? You're   
ASHAMED of us! Fine...we just won't write another section...*authors sit and stare at the  
screen* CASSI: I'm bored. *Sven is reading Jurassic Spoof and doesn't appear to notice*  
Where did we stop anyways? It's been so long since I wrote it. Deb and Becca already know   
this. Why? Because they're our big fans and they've either heard it or read it already. And  
chances are that by the time this section actually goes up, they'll have heard it or read it  
already, too. Yes, it's called favoritism. It's also called THEY REVIEW! Hello. Anyhow, I  
guess we stopped at the arrival of Burt's rather large pet....that he claims is not a pet. Also,   
aren't you wondering what happened to Batsy about now....and what is he going to do when  
he realizes no one is chasing him!? And what ever happened to the monkeys, the stampede,   
the mosquitos, etc..... We will be getting back to that.......if and when some reviews arrive.  
Anyhow, I guess we were at....um....El Blanco.  
  
June 25th....okay, I have some reviews....Reviews =motivation. Comments on reviews....  
Thankyou Becca. It was great. I slept till 2:00 in the afternoon. And I got two cards, one  
of which came all the way from Finland. Thankyou Sajia. And about the Psychos comment.  
Thankyou. We know. Who else would write a spoof called US Psychos? Psychotic is fun.  
Try it, you'll like it! ^_^ Currently, it's pouring down rain, and thundering.....this means   
Cassi's knees hurt. However, I'll try to get this chapter typed as well as work some on the  
beginning of the "Forbidden Spoof: The Chase." The second Forbidden Spoof story and  
the sequal to "The Hunter." Anyhow, here's the new chapter....as soon as I take something  
for my knees.  
  
June 28th....um....we ARE getting there. What?! I told you I get distracted easy! Deb! Nice  
to see your review....even after you'd already read it! Also yes, we ARE bringing in BOTH  
Kate and Heather. As we assume that Kate did indeed marry Earl. So yes, we want her and of  
course we want Heather Gummer! We're getting them two back together. What's more   
romantic than one gun-happy lunatic and his gun-happy lunatic wife? Okay...right, anyway,  
I'll try to get something typed instead of being very distracted by late hour, newly printed out  
sections of Cordano fics I have not yet read...(it's a Miracle there are parts I have not read)  
and of course the fact that I need a painkiller.....I think it rained this morning. Anyhow, my  
shoulder hurts and I'm bored....which is not the way to type a spoof-story....and now we can't  
decide what color the screen should be while we're writing. Hey! Quit laughing! This is a  
very hard choice to make. We have to come up with the right color combo that does not  
give us a huge headache.....I'm getting a headache. This one isn't right. Ahem...after an   
exausting round of playing with the menu..did you know you can stretch the screen all different  
ways? Oh right, you don't care....so just consider that an....insanity break...yeah. So we just  
dimmed the screen down and used some dull colors, and now it doesn't make my head throb.   
Right, back to the story.............where were we again?  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER TEN: "AND THE OSCAR GOES TO EL BLANCO!"  
*************************************************  
**Okay, a dimmer switch and a Lortab later, I think we're ready to get back to it. Ugh, my knee  
hurts....well I didn't say the Lortab had kicked in yet, did I? Give it about 15 minutes or so**  
That is...15 minutes and Weird Al Yankovic.....ahhh....better.**  
  
Up on the surgical floor....um "Dr." Glasses stepped out of the elevator with his cooler. As  
he walked around the corner, he stared. This was Mohawk's work, obviously. "Jeffery." He  
spoke up, loudly, startling the spider who was calmly having lunch in Mohawk's web. "Does  
he know you're in there?"  
  
Jeffery turned, indignately. "Mohawk was busy playing with Carter!" He snapped. "I don't  
even think he knows this morsel is even here."  
  
Glasses nodded. "Yes, I can see how that would be true, although Carter is currently out in  
the Ambulance area playing in the pool and Mohawk is stuck inside." The Gremlin informed   
him. "He may come up here to check."  
  
"Well, if he does, I'm already finished." Jeffery shot back. "There's nothing for him to do   
about it."  
  
"Yes, I can see how that would be true." Dr Glasses replied, with a shrug. "Well, then, if   
you're all finished eating, would you care to assist me with my operation? I could always   
use a few extra sets of legs, and you're very agile."  
  
Jeffery jumped to the floor, looking at the cooler. "Is that really a human head?" He asked.  
  
"Well of course!" Dr Glasses remarked, matter-of-factly. "I labeled this quite clearly what is  
contained inside. Why is it that everyone I've bumped into doesn't believe it?"  
  
Jeffery shrugged. "I'm not good at reading yet." He explained. "I wasn't sure if that was what  
it read."  
  
Glasses nodded. "Oh....right." He admitted. "I suppose that surgeon downstairs must have  
had the same problem. This way."  
  
Jeffery, happy to be included, bounced after the Gremlin.  
************************************************************************  
  
Outside, Cassi and Sven were glaring at Burt.   
  
Romano was still glaring at the giant white monstrosity that had intruded on his view of   
Elizabeth. "Um...so what do we do with.....uh...."  
  
"El Blanco." Sven finished, motioning to the giant worm thing. "He's Burt's pet Graboid."  
  
"That is NOT my pet!" Burt argued. "That thing tried to EAT me!"  
  
"Pity he missed." Romano muttered under his breath.  
  
They were interrupted by a loud, shocked gasp. "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!" El Blanco burst out.   
"NO EAT BURT!!!! I LOVE BURT!!!!! BLANCO SAVED BURT!!!!" This was ended up by  
loud racking sobs.  
  
Romano (amongst others) burst out laughing. Burt, on the other hand, looked as if he wanted  
to crawl under a chair and die. Earl, who's mouth was still taped shut, just stared in shock.  
  
El Blanco was oblivious to this. He continued his very impressive preformance. "WHERE  
HAVE YOU BEEN!?!" He demanded. "I WAS LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU, AND I WAS  
CALLING AND CALLING, AND YOU WERE NEVER EVEN THERE!!!! THEN I HEARD  
YOUR WATCH AND IT WASN'T YOU!! YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!! YOU   
NEVER EVEN WANNA PLAY GAMES ANYMORE AND YOU DON'T EVEN TRY TO TAKE  
MY LUNCH AWAY!!!!" He broke off, in loud noisy sobs.  
  
Romano looked from the Graboid, now convulsed in loud sobs, to the gun-crazy survivalist,   
and then burst out laughing again. "So..." He managed to get out between laughing fits.   
"When's the wedding, and are we invited?"  
  
At this point, Earl doubled over in convulsions....because his mouth was still taped shut, and  
he was also in fits of laughter.  
  
Newman eyed him a minute before calmly walking over and ripping the tape off his face, thus  
causing his laughter to turn to a loud scream of agony.  
  
Sven waited until Romano had recovered somewhat. "Um...Burt's already married to Reba  
McEntire." She put in. "And we're wanting them to get back together, so El Blanco has to  
wait in line."  
  
Romano, and all around who actually know who she is, turned to stare in shock at Burt.  
  
"Reba, huh?" Romano remarked. "Can't get enough of these women with curly red hair,   
can we?"  
  
Burt, in his haze of embarrassment in front of his closest friends, who were also now laughing,  
wasn't listening to this new piece of information. Sven pulled a familiar notebook from her  
bag, and opened it up. "Here." She told everyone. "That's his wife." **spoof scrapbook**  
  
Newman stared, impressed. "Yeah, that's definitely Reba." He whispered. "Wow. Why hasn't  
she been in yet?"  
  
Earl looked over his shoulder. "Heather left Burt." He informed the group. "We haven't   
seen her in a while." He looked over at Burt, who was sitting on the ground, looking as if  
he wanted to shoot El Blanco, who was still sobbing. "He went crazy, too. He still loves her."  
  
Romano looked over at Burt, with understanding. "Yeah, I know how that goes." He replied  
with a nod. "Those fiesty redheads'll get you every time."  
  
Roland and Dundee, noticing the discomfort of their friend, walked over, and helped him off  
the ground.   
  
"Burt?" Cassi called out.  
  
"WHAT?!" He snapped.  
  
"I was just wondering if you could tell your little...er big..friend here that he can't stay, and he   
should play underground a while." Cassi suggested. "The hospital is trashed enough."  
  
Burt rolled his eyes. "El Blanco!" He ordered, causing the creature to instantly quiet. "Go   
back into the ground, and you can come out later."  
  
"You promise you'll play toy trucks with me later?" El Blanco asked pointedly, causing   
snickers from all.  
  
Burt gritted his teeth, and tried to smile. "Yes, just go back under the ground, and don't come  
out until I tell you it's okay."  
  
The Graboid obediently returned to his natural habitat.  
  
Romano gave Cassi and Sven a Look. "Oh yeah." He smirked. "I'm really convinced it's not  
his pet, aren't you?"  
  
Cassi nodded. "Oh yeah. Totally." She answered.  
  
"Hey!!" Dave called from the pool. "Batsy's back with the game!"  
  
Everyone looked up to see the Bat Gremlin, perched on the top of an Ambulance, and glaring  
at the humans. "You DO realize that those animals are wrecking your city, right?" He called  
out, pointedly.  
  
"What animals?" Carter asked, in mock-confusion.  
  
Batsy made a face at the humans, who were obviously no fun at all. "What are you going to  
do if I don't give this game back?"  
  
"What game?" Dave remarked, picking up on Carter's ploy. "We were having a party."  
  
The gremlin made a disgusted face and angrily tossed the game into the pool, splashing all  
nearby.  
  
Jing Mei grinned and swam up under it, grabbing it, and swimming over to Dave, Ardeth, and  
Carter. "Well, that was easy." She proclaimed.  
  
"Who's turn is it anyway?" Dave asked, frowning. "It's been so long I forgot."  
  
"Don't look at us, we were in the game." Carter put in, with a shrug. "And it was really fun  
in there, too."  
  
"Almost like Jurassic Park." Ardeth added.  
  
"It's Ardeth's turn!" Sven called. "Chen let the bats out!"  
  
Before Ardeth could open the game up right where they were in the pool, Elizabeth snatched   
it from them.  
  
"Hey!" The four players burst out at once.  
  
"What's the big idea?!" Carter demanded.  
  
"We came out here to get away from this stupid game." Elizabeth informed him, calmly. "If   
you think you're playing it in the middle of our pool, you're sadly mistaken."  
  
"You tell 'em!" Shirley cracked from across the pool.  
  
"We have to go back into the hospital, people." Sven called.  
  
Pippin nodded in agreement. "That way, we can trash the place more." He added, with a grin.  
  
Stripe lept out of the pool. "They're right." He admitted, grabbing the game from Elizabeth.  
"Besides, Mohawk can't play outside."  
  
"YEAH!!" Mohawk called from the doorway. "Get it back in here! No fair you getting all the  
fun!"  
***********************************************************************  
  
Insanity break...#....oh right, we stopped numbering them. Forget the number. Anyhow, this  
charming letter appeared in our local Wichita newspaper and we wanted to share it with all  
of you. So, from Wichita, KS resident, Aletha S. Markusen.....you're gonna love this. Please  
stop and consider the reality of this situation.  
  
"We are told that insects have such a high reproductive rate that, eventually, they will "inherit  
the earth." I disagree. I think that the most-rapidly proliferating species on earth is the ball-  
point pen." **STOP LAUGHING!! This is SERIOUS!**  
  
"This marvel of technology surpasses all others in its cloning power. My Dakota Badlands  
vase, my grandmother's lavishly gold incrusted green glass tumbler, where she kept her  
dentures at night, and my museum pottery piece all now bristle with pens.  
  
"Every desk clerk's plastic pocket liner, a jar next to the friut bowl in the lobby of my health-  
conscious dentist's office, every insurance rep, hospital clerk, motel manager, brain surgeon,   
and podiatrist waves one off with one of these sly invaders---and with a cheery, "Want   
another?"  
"Consider Alfred Hitchcock's film, "The Birds," where the birds are replaced by ball-point pens.  
Where will it all end?"  
  
**Think about it, people. They're in your HOMES!!!....**  
This concluds this insanity break....thankyou for your time, and we now return you to the fic  
at hand.....^_^  
************************************************************************  
  
Inside the hospital, Mohawk, Stripe, Sven, Pippin, Dave, Jing-Mei, Ardeth and Carter, having  
just outrun the vine pods, were now seated around the game in the lounge.  
  
"Whose turn is it again?" Dave wanted to know.  
  
"I think it's Ardeth's." Pippin replied, bouncing in his chair.  
  
"You really love this game, don't you?" Jing Mei commented, sounding tired.  
  
"It's exciting!" Pippin informed her. "And fun."  
  
Ardeth shook his head, smiling. "Give me the dice." He ordered.  
  
Dave looked around. "Um.....I don't see the dice." He spoke up, quietly.  
  
"They were in there." Remarked Sven, without looking up from her book.  
  
"Well they aren't anymore." Jing Mei answered, searching the box.  
  
Mohawk looked at Stripe. "Batsy?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah, I think so." Stripe muttered. "He would, I suppose."  
  
Carter raised an eyebrow and looked over at Sven and Pippin. "So what do we do?"  
  
Pippin grumbled under his breath.   
  
"I guess we have to get the dice back." Ardeth concluded. "I'll go."  
  
"I'm going with Ardeth." Carter added.  
  
Sven looked at the two of them. "Not without me, you won't." She argued. "You two would   
go back into the pool."  
  
"I would not!" Carter contradicted. "I'd get the dice from Batsy." He paused. "Ardeth, give   
me your scimitar."  
  
"I have a really big gun." Sven reminded them. "But I'm not letting anyone else play with it."  
**Burt gave her one of his in Chameleon**  
  
"Great." Dave complained. "You blow Batsy out of the sky and then the dice fall to the ground,  
and we never find them."  
  
"Lovely, then the game will NEVER be over." Jung Mei muttered.  
  
Pippin's face brightened. "Blow him out of the sky, Sven." He cried.  
  
Sven sighed. "Okay, Mohawk, Stripe, and Jing Mei stay here and Dave, Carter, Pippin, and  
Ardeth come with me." She told them. "We'll get the dice back."  
  
"You better not be heading into the pool." Jing Mei warned.  
  
"I promise I won't go into the pool." Dave assured her.  
  
Jing Mei glared at the others.  
  
Sven and Pippin exchanged a glance. "Nobody is going into the pool." She stated, with her  
fingers crossed behind her back.  
  
Carter grinned. "Got it." He replied. "Let's go."  
************************************************************************  
  
This last section was finished on July 9. We had a long break after the ball-point pen spot,  
and tonight there is one heck of a lightning storm outside. So whether or not this gets up-  
loaded tonight, depends on how fast I can do it before we lose the electric.   
  
Side notes, Amanda, I'm still working on the cast list! I got Molly Brown and Lizzie Calvert  
casted now, and the rest will continue as soon as I can watch the movie and the script  
at the same time.   
  
Also, the new addition to our house that includes my bedroom and mine and Sven's new office  
in the upstairs area is now being sheetrocked! ^_^ We're expecting a little less than a month  
and we'll have more space to write in.   
  
Becca, we're working our way through your videos. We're using them to watch after we finish  
our horror movie fix. Because nobody wants to go to sleep after watching Jason Voorhees go  
on a slasher spree. And we're still trying to figure out why the women in the Friday the 13th  
movies always barracade themselves into a building BEFORE they check it to make sure  
nobody's in there, and then they stand with the lights on, in front of the window with the  
curtains open. It's like screaming "Here I AM! Kill me!" Hinky.  
Anyways, we'll send them back as soon as we're done with them and we're sending you the  
three Tremors movies and the Murdoc eps. of MacGyver ....and do you wanna see Pink   
Cadillac? That one stars Murdoc as the bad guy!  
  
Oh right, this is not an email, it's a fanfic. Right....so....since it's a fanfic....REVIEW! 


	11. But Daddy, he followed me home! Can't I...

Part 11...and if that title don't catch your attention, who are you and what are you doing  
here? Anyhow, reminders for this section. Ivy: Daughter of Dor and Irene. Has the   
Magician-Class ability of enhancement. Thus meaning that whatever she states as true,  
becomes true. **example, in Chameleon, she said that Achemed was very handsome, and   
so he became very handsome** In other words, um....this is gonna be good. Just for the  
record, NO, she did not see El Blanco before he came to the hospital. That was just our  
sick idea of funny.   
Ye British Babe! Nice to see you here...thanks for the review, I love your fic! WRITE   
MORE!!! ^_^--Cassi  
Warning....Cassi's Lortab has just kicked in. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.........  
  
********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER ELEVEN: "BUT DADDY, HE FOLLOWED ME HOME! PLEASE CAN I  
KEEP HIM?"  
********************************************************************  
  
In the Ambulance Bay, the party is still going on without the game players. Romano is   
seated off to the side, talking with Burt Gummer, and Cassi has now returned to the pool.  
  
"So, this Reba was a gun-freak like you, right?" Romano questioned, yawning.  
  
"Heather." Burt corrected. "Yeah, she and I killed one of the graboids together in our  
basement.....then had it mounted on the wall."  
  
Romano nodded, impressed. "Decorative." He remarked, snickering.  
  
"That's nasty!" El Blanco muttered from beneath them. "Ricky was my second cousin's   
brother's uncle."  
  
"Which makes him what?" Burt mused.  
  
"A monkey's uncle." Romano quipped.  
  
"Hey!" Blanco snapped, shaking the ground. "My second cousin's brother was NOT a  
monkey!"  
  
"Worm's uncle." Burt corrected.   
  
"So how come Reba left you?" Romano asked.  
  
"Heather." Burt corrected again. "She said it was because I took the collapse of the  
Soviet Union too seriously...that I wasn't the same without the threat of World War 3."  
  
Romano frowned. "Okay....that has got to be the stupidest cause of a breakup I've ever  
heard." He remarked.  
  
Burt glared at him. "Yeah, and why haven't you gotten with the surgeon chick over   
there?" He demanded.  
  
"Well....." Romano began. "Her husband died of a brain tumor last year...even though  
he's in the pool right now....then I've had so much trouble with the arm.....just haven't   
found a moment yet....we do talk a lot more than we used to, though."  
  
Burt nodded. "Yeah, I suppose I can see that."  
  
"I heard Sven and Cassi mentioning that they were going to try to get the two of you   
back together." Romano informed him.  
  
Burt stared at him. "When?"   
  
"Uh...I believe that was when you were dying of embarrassment and your large friend   
was earning himself an Oscar." Romano replied, with a small grin. "I would venture  
guess that they were planning on bringing Heather in, in the near future."  
  
Burt blinked and looked over at Cassi, who was in the pool, diving for rocks again.   
"Huh." He muttered. "Hard to believe."  
  
Romano followed his gaze, and watched as Elizabeth placed several rocks on the side  
of the pool. "You know, she still has that vial of healing elixir Cassi gave me." He   
mused, trying not to stare.  
  
Burt raised an eyebrow and eyed the bikini. "That a fact?" He remarked, amazed. "Where  
do you suppose she PUT it?!"  
  
Romano ran his tongue over his teeth in thought. "Good question." He smirked, with an  
evil grin. "Maybe sometime later, I'll ask."  
  
"Do let me know." Burt told him, laughing.   
  
Romano looked over at Earl, who was talking with Roland and Mick. "So who's this guy  
again?" He asked.  
  
"Earl was living in Perfection when the first graboids came along." Burt informed him.  
"Then, when they had that trouble in Mexico, they called him first, then after he found  
he was outnumbered, he called me up. Naturally, since it was just after Heather left, I  
was more than willing to get out of the house and blow up some monsters....which then  
became Shriekers."  
  
"Shriekers?" Romano asked. "I have got to see those movies."  
  
"Three Shriekers come out of each graboid." Burt explained. "They're butt ugly little   
runts that can see body heat, and reproduce when they eat."  
  
"So they don't have sex...." Romano mused. "Tough break."  
  
"Then each Shrieker changes into one Assblaster." Burt told him.  
  
Romano stared, then bit his lip, then started laughing. "Okay, I know this is going to be  
really stupid, but I just have to know...HOW did they get that name, and is it what it   
sounds like?"  
  
Burt frowned, thiking about it, then started laughing. "Actually....yes, and it was either  
call them Assblasters or Rocketbutts." He replied, between laughs. "And they got that  
name for only one reason....how do you think they fly?"  
  
Romano burst out laughing. "Okay, now THAT was too much information." He paused.  
"And also completely disgusting."  
  
Burt shrugged. "They lay the eggs that hatch into graboids." He concluded.  
  
Romano nodded. "Interesting animals." He looked up and frowned as he saw Sven,   
Carter, Dave, Ardeth and Pippin, walking out of the hospital. "What the--"  
  
Cassi spotted them. "I thought you guys were playing again!" She called, swimming to   
the edge.  
  
"Well we would." Sven informed everyone. "But when we got the game back, we   
discovered there were no dice."  
  
"Way to go, Batsy." Shirley muttered.  
  
From his perch on the top of an Ambulance, Batsy grinned and waved the dice. "Oh,  
you mean you wanted these back?" He snickered.  
  
Sven walked over and snatched Burt's gun. "Give 'em back, or I blow you away." She  
demanded.  
  
"Blow him the other way." Cassi shouted. "We don't want pieces all over the pool!"  
  
Batsy stuck his tongue out and threw the dice to the ground. One rolled under an   
Ambulance and the other bounced off an umbrella and landed in the pool.  
  
"I'LL GET IT!" All the players shouted at once, diving into the pool, Sven, changing her  
clothes in mid-jump. They all ignored the other one.  
  
As the group resurfaced, Sven held up the dice. "Got it!" She called.  
  
"Oh darn." Carter muttered in mock-disappointment. "Now we can't get out for another  
hour."  
  
Cassi looked at Shirley and Elizabeth and rolled her eyes. "Eh....I had a feeling that was  
coming." She remarked.  
  
"What about the other dice?" Susan called from the other side of the pool.  
  
"What other one?" Ardeth asked, confused.  
  
"The one under the Ambulance?" Greene pointed out.  
  
"Oh right. There were two." Dave remembered. "We can't get that one for an hour."  
  
"Yeah, that figures." Romano retorted, whacking a giant mosquito with a metal baseball  
bat. "That stupid game will NEVER be over."  
  
"Speaking of which..." Gallant spoke up. "Why haven't we had any emergencies?" He  
asked. "Those animals have GOT to be making a lot of problems."  
  
Romano shrugged. "True." He admitted. "But our ambulance Bay has been blocked off  
and the only ones inside taking calls are gremlins. Not only that, but the music is up so  
loud, we wouldn't hear the sirens anyway."  
  
"Cool." Dave smirked.  
  
"What a pity." Cassi remarked. "Oh well, back to the party."  
  
Then, from the ER doors, the security guards came running out, screaming in fear,   
followed by the group of Raptors, who were also running screaming.  
  
"MONSTER!!!!!!" Sara shrieked, dragging Nick with her.  
  
"EVIL MONSTER!!!!!" Steve shouted.   
  
Shortly thereafter came the entire Compy group, also screaming in terror, followed by  
about 12 gremlins, who instantly burst into flames, about 300 spiders, and the Jumanji   
lion. All of these ran right past the pool, stampeding out of the Ambulance Bay, through  
the barracade, in their panic.  
  
All the people are now staring. "Woah." Sven whispered. "Were they all scared?"  
  
"They were terrified." Romano answered, quietly.   
  
"What the [heck] would scare ALL of them that bad?" Dave wondered.  
  
"Do you really want to know?" Abby asked, pointedly.  
  
Then from the doors, came the terrifying creature. A five year old with blondish-green  
hair. She was grinning from ear to ear.   
  
"That's it?!" Burt demanded. "You're JOKING, right?!"  
  
"That's just Ivy." Sven remarked, frowning. "She's Dor's daughter...remember?"  
  
Ivy stepped forward. "I made a NEW FRIEND, and he's the nicest man in the whole   
world, and my new Knight in Shiney armor!" She proclaimed. With this, she turned   
around and walked back in. She came back out holding hands with her....eh...new   
friend.  
  
"NO [insert very bad word] way in [heck]!" Romano shouted.  
  
"You've GOT to be kidding!" Shirley cried, horrified. "Do you KNOW who that IS!?"  
  
Beside Ivy, holding her hand, stands the part human, part cyborg, Jason Voorhees,   
carrying his trademark machete. **As of "Jason X", Jason is now an invincible cyborg,  
and no longer needs his hockey mask....which we comment is the best he's ever looked**  
  
"I know exactly who it is!" Romano burst out. "NO! Get him out of here."  
  
Ivy's lower lip trembled. "But he's the nicest man in the whole world and he's super  
brainy smart!" She argued.  
  
"I don't care if he was voted nicest psychopathic murderer in his class, GET HIM OUT OF  
MY AMBULANCE BAY!" Romano ordered.  
  
"Spree killer." Sven corrected.  
  
"Whatever." Romano snapped. "NO!"  
  
"But he's my FREIND!" Ivy cried.  
  
"So why don't you take your nice new friend back to Xanth to play with your pet Gap  
Dragon?" Romano suggested, nicely.  
  
Dor stared from his chair. "NO WAY!" He shouted. "I saw that guy's picture on one  
of Cassi and Sven's movie boxes. You may NOT bring him home!"  
  
Over in the corner of the Ambulance Bay, Murdoc looked at Ryan Gaerity, with an   
eyebrow raised. "And parents worry about the animals kids drag home with them in  
the REAL world." He muttered. "I'm really glad my daughter doesn't live in Xanth."  
  
"But Daddy, he followed me home." Chris snickered.  
  
Murdoc shook his head. "Cute."  
  
"But he rescued me!" Ivy argued. "He killed a mean man who tried to grab me. He's my  
Knight in Shiney armor, and he loves me!"  
  
The cyborg simply looked down at her, cocking his head, then picked her up and placed  
her on his shoulders, letting her carry his machete.  
  
Romano's mouth dropped as Cassi and Sven busted out laughing. "Okay, now that is   
just....WRONG!" He managed to get out.  
  
Burt, next to Romano, also looked shocked. "Does anyone else think that just doesn't   
look.....normal?" He asked quietly.  
  
"You DO realize that your new friend has murdered over 200 people in cold blood?"  
Dave asked.  
  
Ivy stared. "NO!" She cried. "He wouldn't NEVER do that! He's NICE!" She insisted.  
"He's only mean to people who are mean to him!"  
  
Steve Raptor slowly walked back, eyeing the cyborg. "Um....yeah....nice to meet you."  
He replied timidly. "Can I be your new friend, too?"  
  
Jason looked the raptor over, as if figuring out exactly what this was, then patted Steve  
on the head.   
  
Romano shook his head. "Yeah. Fine. He's the nicest guy in the world." He replied,  
stepping over. "However....this is a pool party, and your new friend might rust if  
he got in the pool, so why don't you and your new friend just go back to Xanth? You  
can show him all around. He'll like it....really."  
  
Ivy looked down at Jason. "Do you wanna go see my house now?" She asked. "We   
live in the castle, and I have a moving picture in my room. My Daddy went into it once."  
  
The new pair of friends turned around and walked back into the hospital.   
  
"HEY! HOLD IT!" Romano called.  
  
Jason turned back.  
  
"Do you think you can possibly close that big hole in our barracade?" He asked. "After  
all, it was technically your fault."  
  
Jason lifted Ivy from his shoulder, and placed her on the ground, before walking over   
and shoving an Ambulance over on its side, and pushing it in front of the hole. When  
the hole was closed, he walked back to Ivy, picked her up again, and walked back into the  
hospital with her.  
  
"That man is NOT coming back in here." Romano ordered.  
  
"Um....good idea." Susan agreed.  
  
"Who exactly was he anyway?" Elizabeth asked, confused.  
  
Shirley looked at her, staring. "Trust me, you don't wanna know." She told her.  
  
Dave shook his head. "Like it isn't obvious?" He asked in disbelief. "You REALLY  
don't know?"  
  
Elizabeth glared at him. "Well if I did, I wouldn't be asking, would I?" She pointed out.  
  
"Friday the 13th series." Cassi informed her. "Jason was the guy with the hockey mask,   
and the machete. We mentioned him in Chameleon."  
  
"That didn't look like a hockey mask." Elizabeth remarked, motioning toward the door  
the two had disappeared through.  
  
"In the most recent one, he was put back together with a computer and made half   
cyborg." Sven told her. "He doesn't need it anymore."  
  
"Just please tell me he's not coming into the spoofs." Lucy spoke up.  
  
"Ehhh.....no." Cassi answered. "No worries. We don't want him at this point."  
  
"Although, since Ivy had a go at him, he'll never be like he was again." Sven sulked.  
"One of the worst horror movie killers of all time, that everyone said was an unstoppable  
killing machine.....and he was stopped completely by a five year old."  
  
"Oh the irony." Shirley mused under her breath.  
  
Sven made a face. "That sucks. She broke him." She muttered quietly.  
  
Cassi skoffed. "Figures." She sighed. "Definitely a good idea NOT to have him around  
the spoofset."  
  
"Or the hospital." Romano finished.  
  
From the door, Chen stood, glaring. "I KNEW IT!" She shouted. "GET THOSE DICE  
AND GET YOUR [insert really bad word here] [BUTTS] BACK IN HERE!!!"  
  
"Oops....we're busted." Dave whispered, sounding guilty.  
********************************************************************  
  
End part 11. No, we're not planning on keeping Jason on our set....at least not right now.  
We just got to talking about the what if's and that one was suggested. What do you   
think?  
  
More reviews now. We need our motivation...... 


	12. Oh where oh where did the plot go?

Okay, we're now at part 12....after a very loooong break that included us reading a lot of  
Pirates of the Caribbean fics....and watching Captain Jack Sparrow lots of times....and Sven's  
currently reading the book even as we speak......what?! We're STUDYING him! For obvious  
reasons.....he's an Assistant, and we just gave him one major Magician class talent. Ummm...  
oh yeah, and we're doing Youth Elixir take TWO at Port Royal! So for those of you who   
LOVED the five year olds, we're not done yet. Soon to come will be (after Jeffery) "Pirates  
of the Caribbean: Youth Elixir Part Two: The Evilauthors VS Port Royal and the Black   
Pearl." No, the title will not be this long but this is pretty much all of it. We're gonna have  
a big party....mainly because we "forgot" to wipe Jack Sparrow's mind. Now....if you're even  
remotely curious of his magic talent....well....you'll have to wait and see. He'll be in the next  
section of Chameleon. You'll be introduced to him as...."the Freaky One".  
Anyhow.....not sure whether he'll be in this story or not. This is way ahead of Chameleon,  
so in all reality, he's already Sven's Assistant by this time....and over all, we're not really  
sure we want this man around when they're playing a certain game.....*evil grin* mostly  
because we don't want him to know what that game can do.....trust me, this will NOT be  
the last time that game is played in one of our fics, and we're saving Jack's exposure to it  
for a later time.....if you catch my point.  
  
So for the moment, I guess we were at......Chen busted them in the pool.....where they really  
did have to go....they couldn't really leave the dice in the pool, could they? Don't ask why  
they just couldn't have let someone in the pool get it for them...we like to be difficult. Right,  
back to the story then. Sven ain't too nice when characters try to order her around.  
**********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER TWELVE: "WHERE OH WHERE DID THE PLOT GO?"  
*****************************************************  
  
In the pool, the game players were looking guilty as Chen glared at them....all of them, that  
is, with the exception of Sven, who was glaring.   
  
Cassi shook her head. "Chen's in trouble." She whispered to Elizabeth. "Sven likes to be   
boss. They're not supposed to tell her what to do."  
  
Elizabeth nodded. "So I see."   
  
"You PROMISED you wouldn't go in the pool!" Chen cried.  
  
"Well, the DICE was in the pool!" Dave argued. "We HAD to get it!"  
  
Chen rolled her eyes. "And all of you had to dive in after it?" She remarked flatly.  
  
"Yeah, that's pretty much the story." Carter answered, looking innocent. "However, since  
you're out there, you can get the other dice from under that ambulance over there?"  
  
"There was only ONE in the POOL!?" Chen exclaimed. "I don't believe this! Get out of the  
pool and get in here so we can finish the game!"  
  
Sven's glare deepened. "Excuse me, but what is your job on our set?" She asked,   
dangerously quiet.  
  
Chen, realizing she might be in trouble, remained silent.  
  
"She's in the medical crew." Ardeth called out.  
  
"That's correct." Sven replied. "You're not an Assistant, and you're not a favorite.....so  
what right does that give you to tell ME what to do?!"  
  
"I do remember you saying nobody was going in the pool." Chen answered after a pause.  
  
"I had my fingers crossed." Sven informed her. "Besides, like he said, the dice was in the   
pool.....and stop avoiding the question! What gives you the right to boss me around?"  
  
Chen stood quietly for a second, then turned and walked back in the building. "Dave,   
you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight." She called over her shoulder.  
  
Romano snickered loudly, from where he was seated by Burt.  
  
"Oh, come on!" Carter complained. "Why didn't you change her into a stink beetle?"  
  
Sven gave him a Look. "Because they stink." She answered as if it were obvious.  
  
Cassi grinned. "Besides, there are lots of other things that would be more fun to change  
her into." She replied.   
  
"She is, however, correct." Ardeth admitted. "We need to complete the game."   
  
Pippin nodded. "I suppose so." He put in. "Those animals must be causing a lot of   
problems and that Jason just let Eck out."  
  
Sven rolled her eyes. "True, but as soon as the Game is over, all the people that Eck or   
anyone ate or killed, will all be brought back." She retorted, matter of factly.  
  
Pippin nodded again. "That's also true." He agreed.  
  
"Not to put down the party, but exactly what about all the spiders that got out?" James  
Atherton cut in.  
  
Cassi shrugged. "We snap our fingers and they all die?" She suggested, shrugging.  
  
Romano glared. "You could have done that at the BEGINNING of this, you know."  
He spat out.  
  
Cassi grinned. "Well, yeah.....but where's the fun in that?" She pointed out.  
  
Susan gave a small smile. "If she had done that, we'd all be working right now and not  
partying in the Ambulance Bay." She spoke up, plopping down in a lounge chair.  
  
"Oh yeah, this is way better." Kovac added. "How often do you get to go swimming when  
you're supposed to be working?"  
  
"Besides, what are you complaining about?" Burt remarked, with a snicker. "You've been  
watching Corday in that outfit for the last couple hours. How often do you get to do that?"  
  
Romano gave a nod. "Beside the point." He defended. "I don't mind the party. It's the   
multiple spider bite victims we'll get after this is over."  
  
Cassi sighed. "Don't worry about it." She assured him. "We'll take care of the spiders. Just  
sit back and enjoy the party."  
  
Behind Cassi, Dave jumped out of the pool, and headed for the building. "I better go see if  
Jing Mei's alright." He murmured.  
  
"Yeah, grab the other dice while you're at it." Carter called out. "Ardeth has to roll when   
we get in there."  
  
Dave nodded, grabbing the dice from under the ambulance, and rushing inside what was  
left of the hospital.  
  
Cassi jumped out of the pool and walked over to where Romano was seated with Burt. "So  
how've you guys been?" She asked, sitting down and wrapping up in a towel.  
  
"Nothing going on." Burt answered, cleaning his gun....again.  
  
"Just talking about redheads." Romano added.  
  
Cassi nodded. "Ah, yeah..." She paused. "I used to be a redhead."  
  
Romano turned to look at her, in surprise. "Are you serious?"   
  
"Yeah." Cassi answered. "I was born auburn and, later it was strawberry blonde......then  
I dyed it dark red, then it was blonde, then black, and then I finally decided I liked black and  
white. You mean you can't see the red streaks when the black gets faded?"  
  
Romano frowned, leaned over and examined the black parts of Cassi's hair, noticing it was  
indeed streaked red. He shook his head. "So you're really a redhead." He mused. "I  
should have known."  
  
Cassi pulled out her mirror and looked at her hair. "Ugh, I think it needs to be dyed again."  
She muttered. "The white part's growing out." She continued looking. "And it needs to  
be cut again."  
  
"Who cuts it?" Burt asked.  
  
"Me." Cassi informed him. "I'm the only one I trust to get it right."   
  
"Impressive." Romano remarked. **For information sake, Cassi's hair is short on the sides  
and top and long in back. Very much an 80's look.** "So...." He spoke up, changing the   
subject. "When you finish torturing us here this breaktime, what are you doing next?"  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Don't know." She answered. "We'll figure it out as we go, I guess.  
We really have a bunch of people we'd love to torture.....Burt....Earl...." She grinned. "Jack..."  
  
Romano frowned. "Cas....you DO realize how many Jacks we've had around here, right?"  
He remarked.  
  
Burt frowned. "You mean the Jack who was in Perfection?" He asked, confused.  
  
Cassi shook her head. "Nah, other Jack."   
  
Romano gave an evil grin. "Spades, Hearts, Clubs, or Diamonds?" He quipped.  
  
Cassi frowned. "Well, hearts IS the best looking....at least in the good decks....however, this  
Jack has both eyes." **Cassi collects playing cards. Hoyle brands normally have cute  
Jacks.**  
  
Burt shook his head, laughing. "I assume you mean Jack as in 'The Freaky One?'" He  
smirked.  
  
Cassi laughed. "That's the one." She told them. "That movie's pretty good and we've got  
plans to spoof it......with Ardeth."  
  
Romano nodded. "Ardeth makes a good pirate." He agreed. "When were you planning to  
do it?"  
  
"Not for a long while." Cassi answered. "We can't until it comes to video."  
  
Romano shrugged. "The way you guys go with writting spoofs, that should be about the   
end of Jurassic III."   
  
Cassi shot him a Look. "Are you insinuating that it will take six months to finish Jurassic?"  
She remarked.  
  
Romano gave an innocent look. "No." He answered, honestly. "Frankly, I think you'll  
be LUCKY to have it finished by then. The way you're going, I was figuring about......  
March.....2006."  
  
Cassi gave him a flat look. "Rob?"  
  
"Yeah?" He responded.  
  
"I'm going to throw you in the pool if you don't take that back." Cassi warned.  
  
Romano sighed. "Okay fine, I take it back." He answered, then paused. "Make it September  
2006."  
  
Cassi ran her tongue over her teeth in a perfect immatation of Romano. "Dot?" She spoke  
up.  
  
"No problem." Dot Warner spoke up from behind them, and snapped her fingers, dumping  
a bucket of water over Romano's head, soaking his scrubs, and splashing both Burt and  
Cassi, who were seated close to him.  
  
Burt jumped up. "HEY!" He exclaimed, shaking the water off his hair and his gun. "I had   
nothing to do with that!"  
  
Cassi grinned. "Next offense you're going into the pool with all your clothes on." She   
informed the soaked Assistant.   
  
Romano sighed again and gave Cassi an evil look. "That wasn't called for." He remarked.  
"You soaked your book." He held up the Forbidden Game book.  
  
Cassi raised an eyebrow and snapped her fingers, causing the book to instantly dry.   
"Problem solved." She proclaimed.  
  
"Way to go, Cassi." Shirley called from the pool, applauding.  
  
"Do it again!" Elizabeth cried, laughing. "I want it on camera!"  
  
"Already done." Murdoc called from across the pool. "Langly had cameras out here long  
ago."  
  
Elizabeth frowned a moment, then brightened. "Do it again ANYWAY!" She yelled. "Not  
everyone saw it the first time."  
  
Romano shook his head. "Traitor." He muttered under his breath.  
  
Cassi snickered. "Oh please. You thought it was funny." She retorted, bluntly. "I can see   
that smile from here. You're laughing."  
  
"Are you going to dry the bandage now?" Romano asked, holding up his arm, from the  
sling.  
  
Cassi eyed it. "What did you do again?" She questioned. "Was this the gurney or another  
one?"  
  
"It was the gurney." He answered, quietly.  
  
Cassi nodded. "Right." She replied, snapping her fingers, drying it out. "Sorry......but you  
really did have it coming."  
  
"I think I need a towel." Burt suddenly spoke up, standing.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "It was only a few drops!" He spat out. "Give me a break."  
  
Burt gave him a serious look. "Not for ME!" He remarked, matter of factly. "For the GUN!"  
  
Cassi and Romano watched him walk off toward the towels, where he had stopped to talk  
with Earl, Roland, and Dundee, while he dried his gun.  
  
"That man needs help." Romano remarked, watching.  
  
Cassi nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." She agreed. "I think he needs his wife back."  
  
Romano watched the man dry his gun, lovingly. "Oh yeah, I would say most definitely   
does he need a woman in the picture."  
  
Cassi bit her lip. "Okay, I didn't mean it quite like that, but I suppose you have a point."  
She paused, considering it. "Then again, Heather was just like him.....weird really."  
  
"So.....when exactly am I supposed to lose the whole arm?" Romano asked, still watching  
Burt play with the gun.  
  
Cassi turned to look at him. "You'll know when it happens." She answered after a minute.  
"Within the next month or two I would figure. There was a few too many problems with it."  
  
Romano nodded. "So what will you do if I decide to stay here?" He asked.  
  
Cassi shook her head. "You really are the stubborn type, aren't you?" She commented.  
  
"Yeah, but that's part of my charm." He replied with a smirk. "Admit it, you like it."  
  
"I like it." Cassi replied, shaking her head.   
  
"So?" Romano spoke up after another pause.  
  
Cassi shrugged. "I suppose we'll have to talk to Luke Skywalker." She remarked. "Shouldn't  
be too hard to do. But whatever Luke does, you can't take back here with you."  
  
Romano nodded. "Yeah, I kind of figured that." He answered.  
  
Cassi sat for a minute. "Rob?"  
  
"Yeah?" He asked, turning.  
  
"I'm bored." Cassi informed him.  
  
"AGAIN!?" Romano exclaimed. "What, do you have ADD or something?!"  
  
"Yeah, actually." Cassi answered as if it were obvious. "You mean you never noticed?  
Duh."  
  
"So what do you wanna do?" Romano asked, with a sigh.  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Cassi answered, with a grin.  
  
"Oy, here we go again." Romano muttered.  
  
In the pool, Ardeth, Carter, Sven, and Pippin had finally decided it was time to get out and   
return to the game. The four helped each other out of the pool, Sven changing her clothes  
once again, with the snap of a finger, and handing the dice over to Ardeth.  
  
"I wonder what will come out of the game next." Pippin mused.  
  
"I wonder when this thing will be finished." Carter added, then frowned for a moment. "Hey,  
wait, don't we still have that Van Pelt guy in the spoofset freezer?"  
  
Sven thought a minute. "Um, yeah, I think so." She answered.  
  
Ardeth shrugged. "Well, I guess he won't be coming out of the game then." He replied.  
"I wonder what will come in his place."  
  
"You really want to know?" Carter retorted. "There's lots of things in there."  
  
Ardeth nodded. "Sounds like fun." He quipped.  
  
"Right." Pippin announced, bouncing behind them. "LOTS of fun!"  
  
The group entered the building, headed for the rest of the game players, and whatever   
Ardeth's roll would bring.......  
*********************************************************************  
  
End part twelve.........  
  
We need more reviews. Also, Ye British Babe......have you written more yet? I want MORE!  
And while we're at it, we want updates on all those PIRATES fics we've been reading!  
  
More to come.....whenever I get some motivation.....hint hint. Remember people, Youth  
Elixir two don't come out till this is over....the more reviews I get, the faster that happens. 


	13. Oops, there goes the hospital

And now Pt 13.....and since there are no new reviews, this chapter will be emailed to our close  
fans, and won't be on fanfic.net until I deem you worthy of reading it. We'll have to see. Sven's  
complaining because this means she can't upload the first section of Youth Elixir two until this  
story is complete. Mainly about now, I'm really losing my interest in this story. I've been a  
bit bored of it for a while, as I've been helping with suggestions for the next one, and the big  
planning that comes with it. So I'll try to come up with a new section, but really I personally  
think this has gone stale. We're not getting near as much satisfaction out of it, as in the other  
one, and it has nothing to do with lack of reviews. It's just I'm not amused with it. Granted,   
some of it is good, but as you've seen with my acting in the story itself, Cassi is mildly bored.  
So....as a solution, I'm working to finish the game as soon as possible and clean out the bug  
and gremlin infestation of the hospital and the city of Chicago.....besides, the Pirates from our  
set are having way too much fun robbing the city blind while all the animals are distracting the  
people....What? I told you there was a reason they weren't at the party. What were you   
expecting them to do? Jack has ADD worse than I do, people. He HAS to be doing something  
to keep him occupied. For now, I'll get to the chapter itself.  
*************************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: "OOPS, THERE GOES THE HOSPITAL!"  
*************************************************************************  
  
After the game players disappeared into the hospital, the party went back to normal....well   
about as normal as a pool party in the Ambulance Bay of a major hospital can be. Cassi,  
now complaining of a headache, was swallowing pills, Romano had returned to his book,  
and Elizabeth had finally left the pool and taken her seat in the lounge chair next to Romano,  
who--when not reading--was staring at her legs.  
  
Earl, who had finally been untied, was seated with Burt and his friends, who were explaining  
about the spoofset and their many acting jobs. He was listening with a grin, and laughing.  
  
After about three minutes of peace and quiet, Carter and Ardeth ran out of the hospital.  
"LOOK OUT!!!!" Carter yelled. "Ardeth let out the GIANT PYTHON!!!"  
  
Murdoc turned sharply. "WHAT PYTHON?!" He exclaimed, alarmed. "There wasn't a   
PYTHON in the movie!"  
  
"There was in the book." Cassi remarked with a yawn.  
  
"Trust me, there's DEFINITELY a python." Carter told him just as said python came out  
the door.  
  
Murdoc eyed the python for exactly one second before jumping from the ground and climbing   
to the top of an ambulance. "GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE!!!" He screamed.  
  
Cosmo jumped up to join him.  
  
Cassi yawned again. "It's supposed to be after Ardeth and Carter." She spoke up, sounding  
bored. "They rolled the dice, not you."  
  
Murdoc glared at the pair. "How's about you two lead the nice snake out of the party?" He  
ordered.  
  
"But I wanted to go in the pool." Carter complained.  
  
"NO WAY!" Yelled everyone in the pool.  
  
Carter stuck his lip out in a pout. "No fair." He muttered, jumping out of the way of the snake.  
  
Naturally, as the snake could not change direction in mid lunge, it landed in the pool.....which  
as most can imagine, sent all in the pool, scrambling out of the way.  
  
Ardeth snickered. "Still want in the pool?" He smirked to Carter.  
  
Carter eyed the snake for a minute. "Nah, I think I'm fine." He answered.  
  
With an evil grin, Lucy crept up behind him and shoved, sending Carter into the pool with the  
snake. "Oops." She proclaimed, looking innocent, as Carter wrestled to get away. As if  
by coincidence, the snake missed Carter in the water and smacked into the side of the pool,  
knocking itself unconsious.  
  
All around stared into the pool.  
  
"Well, get it out!" Cassi yelled. "Do you want the poor thing to DROWN!?" She looked  
around to see all staring at her as if she were insane. She rolled her eyes and reached into the  
water, yanking the snake's head out and pulling it safely to the side.  
  
"Cas, you really do need help." Murdoc muttered from the top of the ambulance.   
  
"ME?!" Cassi defended. "I'M not the one standing on top of an ambulance, freaking out like   
a girl."   
  
Romano started laughing, which set off everyone else.  
  
Murdoc stuck out his lip. "I hate that stupid game." He spat out. "Hasn't anyone won yet?"  
  
"We're close." Carter informed him. "It's Pippin's turn right now, and he's probably already   
rolled. "He and Sven were only three spaces from the end. Mohawk was complaining because  
he wanted to let the spiders out."  
  
"Oh goodie, the stupid game's almost over." Romano replied, sounding relieved.  
  
"Well, it depends on what comes out next." Cassi told him.  
  
This was interrupted by all the players except Mohawk and Stripe, running through the door   
as fast as possible. "Big PROBLEM!!!" Dave yelled.  
  
Romano groaned. "Oh God, what did you do to my hospital now?!"   
  
"Pippin let out the monsoon." Sven answered, with a guilty look.  
  
Romano paled. "That hospital is full of gremlins, and you just let out a flood of WATER inside  
the building?!"  
  
"Well don't look at ME!" Sven retorted. "I didn't tell me to play inside the building. How were  
WE supposed to know Pippin would let the monsoon out?"  
  
"I thought the game was supposed to be almost over." Shirley spoke up.  
  
Pippin shrugged. "I got a two." He informed her. "But it was doubles, so I get to roll again."  
  
"So why don't you roll and finish the thing?!" Susan demanded.  
  
Pippin looked at the floor. "Um....Mohawk has the game." He confessed.  
  
"WHY?!" Romano complained.   
  
Dave sighed. "Because when it started raining, he grabbed it to get it out of the way....just   
before he started screaming and multiplying." He finished.  
  
"Oh lovely....lots of Mohawks." Burt remarked, sarcastically. "Just what the world needs."  
  
"Why don't one of you get the game back?" Lucy asked.  
  
"YOU wanna go back in and play with the gremlins?!" Jing Mei pointed out.  
  
"They really couldn't do much." Lucy reminded her. "I have a nice magic talent. Remember?"  
She frowned. "Why doesn't Ardeth go get it? He can change the gremlins into fish or some--"  
She was cut off as her cell phone rang from her lounge chair, to the tune of 'Drink up, me  
'arties, yo ho.'  
  
"Ugh, I hate that song." Kovac complained.  
  
Lucy grinned and rushed over to answer her phone. "Hello? Oh HI Gorgeous." She replied   
with a smile. "REALLY!?......Well OF COURSE I DO!" She exclaimed. "Just let me change......  
oh, we're having a pool party, so I'm wearing a bikini........NO, I CAN'T COME LIKE THAT!.....  
Because you can't pillage and plunder half naked, that's why."  
  
All around the pool were now staring.  
  
"Yeah, okay...I'll meet you there." Lucy concluded. "You'd better not do anything cool with  
out me! Yeah, see you in a few. Later, Gorgeous." She finished before she hung up. "He's so  
adorable." She went on, before snapping her fingers, changing her clothes and heading for the  
barracade in the enterance of the Ambulance Bay.  
  
"Uh....Lucy?" Romano called as she changed the barracade into a small pebble.   
  
"Yeah?" She called as she walked out.  
  
"Change it back!" He ordered.  
  
"Got it!" She yelled, changing it back to normal. "BYE ALL!"  
  
"Who was that?" Greene asked, looking after her.  
  
"You mean she's been mooning after more than one person since he came along?" Sven   
retorted, with a smirk.  
  
"Right, Johnny Depp....never mind." Greene murmured, shaking his head. "I have no idea   
what she sees in that man."  
  
"I do." Cassi put in. "I was married to Johnny Depp when I was in high school. That man was  
gorgeous."  
  
"Married?" Romano repeated, staring at her.  
  
"A joke between me and my best friend, Jenese." Cassi informed him. "She was Mrs. Michael  
Jackson." **Love ya, Jenese! I know you're the only one who will truely understand the  
married thing.--sigh--good times. ^_^**  
  
"I was never a Johnny Depp fan, but Jack is definitely cool." Sven remarked, loudly. "I know  
exactly what she sees in him."  
  
"Right, now about the game." Carter spoke up, catching everyone's attention.   
  
Ardeth sighed. "I'll get it." He muttered, heading for the hospital.  
  
"I'm coming too." Carter called, running to catch up.  
  
As Ardeth opened the doors, a huge flood of water came out, bringing with it a lot of drowned  
spiders, multiplying gremlins, that promptly combusted as the sun hit them, and a rather large   
crocodile, which ended up in the pool with the part of the water that didn't spread across the   
pavement.  
  
Ardeth and Carter, who had stepped back from the doors, turned, sheepishly. "Oops." They  
both retorted, seeing all the people outside, soaked, and the huge crocodile in the pool, who   
was now eating the snake.  
  
Cassi looked at Sven for a minute. "Mmm, snake yummy." She snickered.  
  
"That's nasty." Susan replied with a sulk. "Now we can't use the pool."  
  
"Sure you can!" Sven informed her, sweetly. "I'm sure the croc won't mind if you join him."  
  
Dundee walked over to the pool and looked at the croc, which was at least 20 feet long. "Huh-  
uh." He proclaimed, returning to his seat. "No WAY Oi'm catchin' tha' one aloive."  
  
Burt looked in the pool. "Oh yeah." He agreed. "Only thing you can do with that one is blow it  
away."  
  
"Yeah, but Pippin's the one who let it out, so he has to do it." Sven reminded them...then   
grinned. "Either him or ME!" She finished, grabbing Burt's gun.  
  
Cassi made a face. "Well, there goes the pool party." She muttered.  
  
"Hold your ears, people." Sven called, aiming the gun into the pool.  
  
"Mmm, crocodile sushi." Romano mused as Sven took her shot.  
  
"Yummy!" Cassi remarked as the croc blew apart.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Random insanity bit #56,489....we're giving random numbers on them now. Like it? Anyhow,  
we now have more church bulletin bloopers. As said before, these are actual misprints in  
church bulletins. Courtesy of Mark Lowry's websight.  
  
Misprint 1: "Our youth basketball team is back in action. Wednesday at 8:00 pm in the   
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King."  
  
Misprint 2: "Ladies, don't forget the rumage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not  
worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."  
  
Misprint 3: Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own  
hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time."  
  
And last but NOT least Misprint 4: "Our next song is, 'Angels We Have Heard Get High.'"  
  
This concludes our insanity break, and we now return you to the fic in progress.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Cassi walked over and looked in the pool. "Wow, just what we need.....croc sushi....with   
drowned spiders, crispy gremlins, and a half eaten python."   
  
All those with weak stomachs were now over near the garbage, puking their guts out.  
  
"This really sucks." Connie put in. "Now we can't swim anymore."  
  
"Well.......you can if you WANT to." Atherton informed her. "But I don't recommend it."  
  
"Well, on the bright side, it took care of a good protion of the spiders." Elizabeth pointed out.  
  
"Yes, but now, there's floaties in the pool." Chris Mason complained.  
  
"I think 'floaties' is an understatement." Jimmy Martinez remarked to him.  
  
Murdoc, satisfied that the snake was no longer a threat, had climbed down, and was shaking  
his head in disgust. "I take it the party's over?"  
  
"Way over." Sven replied, sounding disappointed.  
  
"When is Ardeth coming back?" Pippin asked, sounding impatient.  
  
"Soon, I hope." Romano muttered. "This game can't be over fast enough."  
  
Pippin frowned, considering this. "I wanna play it again." He mused.  
  
"Not in my hospital....EVER AGAIN!" Romano snapped.  
  
Sven shrugged. "There's always next breaktime spoof." She remarked.  
  
"Only if it ain't here." Romano continued.  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Hard to say." She spoke up. "There's lots of places to go, as I've already  
said.....although, the whole Jumanji thing somewhere else is hard to say."  
  
Sven grinned. "We've had plans to do more with Youth Elixir as the fans love it." She looked  
around at all the characters gathered around the pool. "Live in fear, pitiful mortals."  
  
"Oooo! I wanna be five!" Pippin yelled. "You can do it to US!"  
  
"Yeah, that crossed our minds." Cassi admitted.  
  
At this point, Carter walked out of the hospital, carrying his cell-phone. "Lucy wants to talk  
to Sven or Cassi." He announced.  
  
Sven grabbed the phone. "Got it." She called. "Yeah?" She listened for a bit.   
  
Cassi raised an eyebrow in a questioning look.  
  
"She says Jack wants to know what his magic talent is." Sven explained.  
  
Cassi frowned. "What are they doing?" She asked.  
  
"Robbing Chicago blind." Sven answered.  
  
Cassi shook her head. "Tell Jack he has to wait and figure it out like everyone else." She  
remarked. "However, it IS a doozy."  
  
"Did we NEED to know this?" Romano muttered.  
  
Sven shrugged. "Hey, it DID take us a while to figure out the exact details of it....then we had  
to put a few restrictions.....he'll figure it out soon enough." She uncovered the phone. "Sorry.  
He has to figure it out on his own.....but it's a real doozy.......yeah okay. Later." She looked up  
as she turned the phone off. "He's not too happy about that."  
  
Cassi smirked. "He'll be happy when he finds out." She pointed out.  
  
"That he'd better be." Sven remarked. "It took us forever to get all the details straight and even  
then, we're still not sure on the full extension."  
  
"So it's Magician Class?" Dor questioned.  
  
"Very." Sven answered. "Bigger than yours."  
  
"Bigger than everyone here, really." Cassi added. "With the exception of the few conditions  
of it, he's going to be pretty powerful."  
  
"Oh great." Murdoc retorted. "You gave one of the biggest magic talents ever to an insane  
and highly unstable pirate."  
  
"Shut up, you have the ability to conjur nuclear weapons." Chris informed him.  
  
"Yes, but she said his was bigger than any of us here." Murdoc pointed out.  
  
"Bigger than anyone on our set with the exception of Sven and I, who can take it away when   
we choose." Cassi went on.  
  
"Are you sure that's safe?" Shirley asked.  
  
"Is it safe for Sven and I to have a bigger power?" Cassi countered.  
  
"Right, forget I asked." Shirley remarked, shaking her head. "And this guy is outside, taking  
over Chicago."  
  
"May God have mercy on the souls of the population of Chicago." Burt proclaimed.  
*************************************************************************  
  
End Part 13......and the next one might just finish it! Will the game be finished? Will they get  
that mess out of the pool? Will you find out what Jack and his pirate friends are doing to  
Chicago? What will happen to the hospital, now that it is bursting with a gremlin infestation?  
And what happens when the game is over, and the monsoon disappears? Will it take all the  
new gremlins with it? Will we stop asking stupid questions? I doubt it.  
  
Must have reviews now! 


	14. Why is the power still off and where's h...

Part 14......sorry this has taken so long people....I took a month off of typing, and right now  
I have a headache. However, as you've seen, Jurassic III has been updated so I hope that  
will give you something to read while you were waiting for this one. We've caught up with   
Jeffery in Jurassic....so anything that happens after this story will be in the next part of   
Jurassic...as I'm getting yet another Assistant in training and we've already dropped a hint  
or two of who he is. So for now, let's just see if I can type the next section. We've got a   
game to finish and a pool to clean out.....and we really should do something about the mess  
in the ER.......Just to let you know....I have absolutely no idea what to type....my lortab has   
not kicked in, and my legs are killing me.....I hate the season changes. Summer to Fall is  
always a bad one. Cold air and lots of rain.....hurry up, pill..... Change of plan....Cassi's  
watching Freddy out of costume....she WILL eventually type some in this.....REALLY!  
**********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: "WHY IS THE POWER STILL OFF, AND WHERE IS HIS HEAD?!"  
**********************************************************************  
  
Up on the surgical floor, there was an operation taking place in OR2. It was being preformed  
by Dr. Glasses, Jeffery, Ivy, who was standing on a high stool, and her new bestest friend  
and Knight in Shiney armor....(what?!) Jason. The two had been on their way out, when   
Ivy had followed a small gremlin, and Jason had been given no choice but to follow her.  
  
Jason was going through a state of confusion. When he'd found the little person, he had  
been on a random killing spree, like he always did, never understanding quite why he was  
still alive, but going with things, anyway. Now, for some strange reason, he had no desire to  
kill people, and all he knew was he liked this small child. Somehow, he seemed to be thinking  
more and things that had never made sense to him before suddenly had new meaning.  
  
He was suddenly thinking about things. Thinking was a new concept to the cyborg, as he  
had never really thought about anything except avenging his and his mommy's death. He   
had very much loved mommy, and it had made him very angry to see her killed. He still could  
not figure out how he had come to be up here when Ivy had promised to take him to her   
home, but when it had started raining inside, and the flood came down the stairs, he'd   
followed Ivy into the elevator and allowed her to take him up to higher ground. If there was  
anything he hated more than watching teenagers make out and that burned guy in the  
sweater, it was water.....he thought about it. No, not really. Water didn't bother him all that  
much, but it was not supposed to be raining indoors, and that had bothered him. It was too  
much like what the little man with the finger-knives had done to him.  
  
"Excuse me, Dr. Jason." Dr. Glasses spoke up, causing him to look up. "Might I borrow  
your large scalpel?"  
  
Jason looked down at the machete he carried and handed it over to the little green creature  
with the glasses, without protest. The little green gremlin was doing some interesting  
things to the dead bodies on the table. It was most amusing to watch. After they had taken  
care and chopped the mess in the hallway down, with its corpse in the middle- as this had  
bothered Ivy,- they continued on to the OR2 with the little green gremlin. Inside OR2, they  
had found another gremlin, this one wearing glasses, and a big spider.  
  
Before Dr. Glasses could do much with the machete, the group was interrupted by a loud   
voice in the doorway.  
  
"What the [heck] is going on here!?" Edson shouted out.  
  
"These people are assisting me with an important operation." Dr. Glasses informed him.   
"Would you like to help?"  
  
"You are cutting up a dead body!" Dr. Edson cried.  
  
Ivy's face fell and she looked as if she was going to cry. "You're MEAN!" She spat out,  
and burst into tears.  
  
Jason looked down at the crying girl. This was not good. She wasn't supposed to cry. He  
knew Dr. Glasses was using his machete, so he would have to find something else. The  
scalpels were too small for any real use. His eyes caught sight of one of the dimmed lights   
over the table. This caused electric shock.....he'd done this before. Metal conducted  
electricity.....how he'd known this, he had no idea, but he did know he was made of metal.  
Without thinking too much more, he shoved his metal fist into the bulb, feeling a jolt. He  
then grabbed the Doctor man by the neck, passing the jolt on to him.  
  
Unfortunately, as Edson the Weasle collapsed and fell in a smoking heap on the floor, all  
the lights in the building went out.  
  
"Well done, Dr. Jason." Dr Glasses commended, in the dark. Being a gremlin, he could see  
just fine.  
  
Ivy smiled and held up her arms for Jason to pick her up. "I love my Knight in Shiney  
Armor."  
**********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, downstairs in the very wet ER, Ardeth and Carter were sifting through the   
gremlins. Ardeth, of course was having no trouble at all, as he was changing them into   
caterpillars, as they passed them.  
  
"Mohawk!" Carter called out loudly. "Pippin needs the dice so he can win!"  
  
Mohawk came out from Curtain 3 where he was standing with about twenty other spider-  
gremlins....thanks to the monsoon. Mohawk was making a pouty face. "But I wanted to   
let out the spiders." He muttered.  
  
Ardeth rolled his eyes. "You DID let the spiders out!" He remarked flatly. "You have  
an entire army of spider-gremlins. What are you complaining about?!"  
  
Mohawk frowned, considering this. "Hmmm, I never thought about that." He answered.  
  
The other Mohawks looked at him and nodded.  
  
"Okay." The leader of the new army of Spider-gremlins concluded, with a nod. "Here you  
go. Tell Pippin we'll have to play again sometime so I can let out the game spiders."  
  
Carter accepted the dice with a grin. "I have a feeling he'll want to play again soon, anyway."  
He informed the gremlin. "See you later. It's time to end the game."  
  
Ardeth and Carter exchanged a glance as they walked out of the hospital, avoiding the   
small darts that shot out of a nearby flower....that missed hitting them as if by coincidence.  
(They probably hate that talent of Carter's by now)  
  
"So, you gonna play again?" Carter asked Ardeth.  
  
Ardeth grinned. "It can't be any worse than that dinosaur island." He replied.  
  
Carter shook his head. "Oh please." He muttered. "You know you like that place. Admit  
it. If there had been a fourth movie, you'd end up going back even if you weren't casted."  
  
Ardeth gave a small laugh. "Yes, I probably would, my brother.....just to see what you'd   
end up doing there next."  
  
"I wonder how much of the hospital is going to be fixed when the game is over." Carter  
mused, looking around.  
  
Ardeth shrugged as they walked back out to the Ambulance Bay, where the pool was   
still a mess. "I have a feeling that Cassi and Sven can make things back to the way they're  
supposed to." He remarked. "Then they'll go back out and do the same mess somewhere  
else."  
  
Pippin grinned as he ran over for the dice. "He just gave them back?!" He asked, awed.  
  
"Yeah, but he says he wants a rematch so he can get the spiders out." Carter informed   
him.  
  
Pippin grinned. "Tell him I said it sounds like fun."  
  
He had no sooner finished his sentence when all in the Ambulance Bay saw all the lights in  
the building go out.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Oh perfect." He muttered. "As if the flood wasn't enough, now  
the water blows the breakers."  
  
Elizabeth frowned. "Robert, are you sure the water did it?" She asked pointedly. "I would  
have thought the lights would have gone out the second the place started flooding, if   
that were the case."  
  
"Either that, or one of the gremlins did something again." Shirley suggested. "That's the  
type of thing they'd do."  
  
"I don't really care how it happened." Romano snapped, as he turned to Pippin. "How's  
about you hurry up and end that game so we can get back to our pointess miserable lives?"  
  
Cassi grinned. "See?" She proclaimed triumphantly. "I TOLD you these ER guys have no  
lives."  
  
Sven shook her head. "Maybe Romano doesn't."  
  
"Don't look at me." Carter put in. "I have a life. I'm going to go live with Ardeth for a while.  
My clone can stay at the hospital."  
  
Romano shook his head in annoyance. "Just what we need. Another clone."  
  
"Make that two more." Chen called from the side of the pool, where she was standing next  
to Dave. "I'm staying with Dave!"  
  
Dave grinned widely. "She said she'd marry me!" He announced.  
  
"Ah, love springs." Sven mused. Then she turned to eye Elizabeth. "That gives me an  
idea."  
  
"No WAY!" Elizabeth and Romano yelled at the same time.  
  
Chris Mason shrugged. "I wonder about those two sometimes."  
  
Romano raised an eyebrow. "Personally, it's none of your business, but I think they way   
we are now is more fun." He retorted.  
  
Elizabeth snickered. "Most definitely." She agreed.  
  
"Weirdos." Burt mumbled under his breath.  
  
"Yep." Earl replied.  
  
"PIPPIN!" Romano exclaimed. "DICE! NOW!"  
  
Pippin jumped, dropping the dice.  
  
The dice landed in the pool again......however, inside the building, Pippin and Sven's game  
piece moved to the center of the game.  
  
"Did we win?" Sven asked.  
  
"Don't know." Ardeth admitted. "We just got the dice, not the game."  
  
Pippin shrugged. "Jew-man-jai." He spoke up.  
  
At this point, all present had to throw themselves to the ground to avoid being hit with  
the animals flying back into the game from all sides.  
  
"HIT THE DIRT!!!!" Burt cried out, pulling Earl and Dundee down.  
**********************************************************************  
  
The next thing anyone knew, everything was back to normal......well, sort of. The eight   
game players were around the game in the bathroom, and Romano and Elizabeth were back  
in the ER with Shirley.  
  
Cassi stood next to Romano wearing dark blue scrubs, and one of his scrub caps. The   
gremlins seemed to vanish, with the exception of the 20 Mohawks that were seated in  
Chairs, waiting for their leader. There was not a spider to be seen....then again, there were  
also no patients to be seen either.  
  
"Is it over yet?" Romano spoke up.  
  
Cassi nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." She replied. "At least the gremlins are gone, and the  
Game is over."  
  
"What about the spiders?" Susan called out.  
  
Dr. Atherton shrugged. "Hard to say." He answered. "You'd have to look around for them."  
  
Romano nodded. "Is Kerry still dead?" He asked, looking around.  
  
"Could be." Cassi remarked, with a grin. The spiders killed her, not the game."  
  
It was about this time when the eight game players stepped in, Pippin carrying the game.  
  
"I won." Pippin announced with a huge grin.  
  
"You owe me a rematch." Mohawk muttered.  
  
"Is this breaktime over yet?" Romano demanded. "I'm getting really tired of the two of you  
trashing my hospital."  
  
Cassi looked over at Sven. "Yeah, I guess it's over." She answered. "Mohawk, take your  
new army home."  
  
Mohawk grinned and escourted his army of Spider-Gremlins out the door, oblivious to the  
bright sunshine.  
  
"Wait a sec!" Stripe protested.  
  
"They can do it because we said they can." Cassi informed him.  
  
"Figures." Stripe muttered.  
  
Sven grinned at him, smugly. "Sorry, that's the way things go." She looked around at all   
the people in the ER. "Okay, all that don't work here, get going! We still have spoof to do!"  
  
"And we've worn out our welcome." Cassi remarked.  
  
"You wore out your welcome a long time ago." Romano told her flatly. "But that never  
stopped you from coming back."  
  
Cassi grinned. "Admit it. If I stopped coming, you'd miss me."  
  
Romano gave a sly grin. "Yeh, but only for about 30 seconds." He replied.  
  
"Uh-huh, yeah, I totally believe you." Cassi told him, sarcastically, as the two of them   
watched all that didn't work at the hospital exit the building.  
  
Sven sighed. "This was fun." She remarked. "We'll definitely do it again."  
  
"Not here, you won't." Romano ordered. "Find a new place to play."  
**********************************************************************  
  
Random insanity break # 3,465,895: A horrible thing has happened. Cassi cannot find her   
list of things from the Mark Lowry website. Therefore, I will instead list quotes from random  
movies that we own. Yes, I do make a list of these....although the quotes are not from many  
movies as I have not had time to watch ALL our movies for quotes yet.....we have over 330,  
so this is actually possible.  
  
From "Tremors 2" :  
BURT: Where's the bomb?  
EARL: I threw it in your truck.  
BURT: YOU WHAT?!  
EARL: I didn't know what else to do!  
BURT: That's two and a half TONS of high explosives!  
EARL: What, that's not enough?!  
  
From "Tremors"  
EARL: This is a job for intelligent men.  
VAL: Well show me one, and I'll ask him.  
  
From "Jason X":  
PROFESSOR: (yelling) It's okay! He just wanted his machete back! **Do we need to   
mention that this guy died shortly after this?**  
  
From "Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors":  
TARYN: Oh sure, that's the sort of thing parents tell their kids. "Goodnight dear, say your  
prayers...oh, and by the way, your father and I torched some maniac last night."  
  
From "Freddy's Dead, the Final Nightmare":  
FREDDY: It's not my fault. I tried to be good.  
  
This concludes our insanity break.  
**********************************************************************  
  
The only people that remained in the ER were the people who worked there, and Dr.   
Atherton, Chris Collins, Chris Mason, Murdoc, Dave, Dor, Jimmy Martinez, Cassi, Sven,   
and Stripe.....and Mongojerrie and Rumpelteazer.....who had stayed to help bring back the   
remaining dead people.  
  
Carter frowned as he looked around the almost dark room. The only light was coming from  
the main doors and the windows. "Wait, why is the power still off?" He asked.  
  
Sven raised an eyebrow. "I guess it means the game didn't cause the black-out." She   
spoke up.  
  
"Like I said." Shirley remarked. "The gremlins, most likely."  
  
Romano shrugged and grabbed a flashlight from the Admit desk. "Might as well go see if  
anyone in here's still alive."   
  
"Kerry's still dead." Abby called from Trauma One. "And so are all the others that were  
before the game was started."  
  
"What about the Evil One?" Cassi asked. "I shot him."  
  
"Anspaugh's still dead, too." Abby called.  
  
"Oh good....I mean, what a pity." Romano remarked. "Now how's about someone get the  
power back on?"  
  
"Easy." Chris Mason called out, snapping his fingers.   
  
The lights came back on, instantly.  
  
"Thankyou." Susan spoke up, patting Chris on the back.  
  
"Assistant." Chris reminded her.  
  
As the bright light lit up the ER, the group of people stared as they noticed there were   
spiders all over the place.  
  
"Something tells me the spiders have not left yet." Dr Atherton remarked.  
  
"You think?" Romano quipped. "Okay, all of you." He yelled at the spiders. "Out of the   
building! Party's over! GET!  
  
The spiders grumbled a series of protests as they filed out the main doors of the ER.  
  
Dr. Atherton blinked.   
  
Cassi shrugged. "Never underestimate the power of short ex-surgeons who've recently  
suffered a psychotic breakdown." She remarked, closing Atherton's mouth.  
  
"Oh UGH!" Abby cried out, running from Trauma Two, and out the main doors, where she   
promtly threw up in the trashcan outside.  
  
"Okay, that didn't sound too promising." Dave mused, watching Abby.  
  
Romano glanced after her. "I'm not going in there." He told Elizabeth, flatly.  
  
"Mahk said there was a gremlin using a chainsaw in there." Elizabeth spoke up,   
remembering.  
  
"Okay, now I'm DEFINITELY not going in there." Romano concluded.  
  
Carter shrugged and looked into the room. "Woah." He said with an awed look. "But  
where's his head?!"  
  
Susan made a face. "Ugh, too much information." She muttered.  
*********************************************************************  
  
End chapter 14. Okay, I mentioned there would only be one more, but I wasn't entirely  
sure. There will be ONE more.....this time, I mean it......with the exception of the short tag  
on the end. (this doesn't count, although it will be uploaded as a separate chap....it's only  
going to be a couple paragraghs.....we don't count that as a chapter) Anyhow, as a bonus  
on the end of that, to make up for how short it is......we're adding the newest list of Moments  
The ones included in Youth Elixir One will not be in this.....well not all of them, anyway.  
  
Sven and I have gone through the older spoofs and this story, and found a whole load of  
new quotes....as the first list didn't have a whole lot for the earlier spoofs.....plus, as a major  
bonus.....^_^ The newest Moments from the newest spoofs.....the sections NOT uploaded  
yet....will be included. I guess that means I'm about to give away my newest Assistant....  
he's got several quotes we love. So that gives you something else to look forward to.  
  
Until next section.....leave your reviews...I need more motivation. 


	15. Jason Voorhees MD God help us all!

And we're back for part 15.....Sorry I tried to have this over, but it's still going...however,  
at least now I have some idea as to what is going on with Pratt's head. Currently watching  
the "life story" of Weird Al Yankovic......so we'll see how far I go with this...  
  
Where were we?....Oh right, where is Pratt's head and why is Jason still in the hospital?  
  
October 18......  
ehhhh....I'm not sure when that last bit here was typed, but it was a long time ago. Sue me, 've   
been a bit busy. However, as this part must be typed before the next section of Jurassic III  
can go up.....I should be getting to it soon....really. I just have some more to add to the next   
section of "The Chase".....  
Okay, I was going to type some, but now I have to change the litter boxes.....don't worry, I DO  
wash my hands before touching the keyboard again....  
  
November 1.....you're very upset with me aren't you? Okay, there really is a reason for this  
Apart from the fact that I wasn't on the computer for a few days....um weeks..we were in   
Colorado for a couple more days, so there was all the packing, and the cleaning, and then   
when we came back, the mouse was in the litter box....which wasn't clean, and it had apparently   
been there a while....and do you really want details? Our sister didn't watch things in here very   
well....no wait, that's not true. She watched the 350 videos very closely. Those videos will  
think twice before they act up.....unfortunately, the cats think they can have a party every time  
I leave. So, one trip, a Halloween party and new mouse later.....I am back at the computer.  
  
Interesting side note. For the church Halloween party, both Sven and I wore our band new  
"Freddy VS Jason" t-shirts....because let's face it. How often can you wear Freddy and Jason  
to church without getting some really upset looks....one of them being our mom. Anyways  
back to the story....assuming I can figure out what to type.  
*************************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: "JASON VOORHEES, MD.....GOD HELP US ALL"  
***********************************************************  
Up in OR2, the lights had just snapped on, causing Dr. Glasses to shriek and dive under the  
table, pulling a sheet over himself. "LIGHTS!!!" He screamed.  
  
Ivy looked horrified. "Jason, turn the light off! Dr. Glasses is going to burn up!" She shrieked.  
  
Jason looked over at the light he had just smashed. This was not possible. How could it now  
be fixed again? Even with his newly aquired intelligence, he knew the light could not fix itself.  
How had it happened? He looked over at Ivy, who was helping Dr. Glasses with the sheet.   
Finally, he picked up his machete and smashed the light again. He would just watch it to make   
sure it didn't fix itself again.  
  
Dr. Glasses sighed, relieved, and climbed back onto his stool. "Thankyou very much Dr. Jason."  
He praised. "I'll see that you get a medical license for this. You are truley a good doctor."  
**Heaven help us all.**  
  
Ivy grinned. "He can be a great doctor!" She cried. "He's my bestest friend."  
  
"Hand me that other doctor, please, Dr. Jason." Dr. Glasses went on. "He can help with our   
operation. We can operate him as well."  
  
Jason leaned over and picked the charred doctor off the floor. He cocked his head to get a   
better view of the blackened mess. This wouldn't really match the others for operating, but  
he supposed it would do. Shrugging, he dropped the corpse onto the table with the rest of   
the mess.  
************************************************************************  
  
Random Insanity Break # 546,134  
  
Now we have a special treat for you everyone. We have a list of actual laws in the United  
States, so remember, if you are in the state listed, you should not break the law.....unless of  
course it's a REALLY stupid one!  
  
ALABAMA: It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. **Oh darn**  
  
CONNECTICUT: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. **If you  
don't pass out first**  
  
ILLINOIS: It is illegal for you to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and any other domesticated  
animals kept as pets. **So tell Fluffy to put it out**  
  
and finally,   
INDIANA: Bathing is prohibited in the winter. **note to self: don't ever visit in the winter**  
  
we now return you to the spoof in progress  
*************************************************************************  
  
Down in the ER, Carter and Mungo were placing what was left of Dr. Pratt into a body bag,   
presumably until they could figure out where his head was. Romano was in Trauma 1 with  
Mungojerrie, who was trying to bring back the dead bodies. Elizabeth and Shirley had headed   
back up to the Surgical floor with Rumpelteazer to bring back the dead surgical patients,   
and the rest of the doctors were checking the hospital to see if there were any more dead bodies.  
  
Cassi was seated on the Admit desk playing with a small hand-held game, that was making a  
multitude of beeping noises. **Cassi love tetris** Sven is seated in a comfortable chair behind  
the Admit desk with her feet propped on an opened file cabinet.  
  
Jerry and Frank were trying to catch up on the work they missed during the party, but the fact   
that Sven's feet were on the files, wasn't helping them.  
  
Cassi turned the game off. "I'm bored." She announced.   
  
"So?" Frank snapped. "Why don't you go somewhere else?"  
  
Cassi gave him a flat look. "You know when we're bored, terrible things tend to happen." She  
reminded him. "How would you like something terrible to happen to you?"  
  
"Yeah Lard Gut!" Frank's coffee cup called out. "I can tell some nasty secrets!"  
  
Frank, startled, dropped the mug, breaking it.  
  
"OH, HE'S BROKEN ME!!!!!" The mug screamed. "HOW COULD YOU!?!?"  
  
"WILL YOU STOP THAT?!" Frank yelled at Dor.  
  
"What?!" Dor retorted, indignately. "I didn't do anything."  
  
Behind her book, Sven gave a small grin and continued reading.  
  
"Are you two causing trouble again?" Romano remarked as he walked over to the stack of   
charts.   
  
"No." Cassi and Sven answered at the same time, with the same innocent grin.  
  
"Dor's making things talk again." Frank spat out.  
  
"No I'm not!" Dor protested. "I didn't make anything talk."  
  
"HE BROKE ME!!!!" The mug cried again.  
  
Romano eyed the mess on the floor. "Can someone get in here and clean this up!?" He   
demanded. "The last thing we need is a coffee mug threatening to sue us too." He turned and  
headed back for Trauma 1, however, before he could get far, his pager chirped.  
  
"That's an annoying noise." Cassi remarked looking over his shoulder. **Not hard as Cassi is  
three inches taller than he is**  
  
Romano turned around. "Yeah, that beeping game of yours is pretty annoying too." He pointed  
out. "And while I'm at it, so's some of your music."  
  
Cassi raised an eyebrow. "You should just be thankful I don't have the tape with the songs   
from 'Freddy's Dead' and 'Freddy VS Jason'." She told him. "Until you've heard those, you've  
never heard annoying."  
  
"'It's that time again, can't we get it right'?" Sven sang with her walkman. "'He wants us to   
revolt, to set the world on fire.....'"  
  
"'We won't show restraint, because we like the violence....'" Cassi joined in, and they both  
continued. "'We are security, wrapped in our brutality....(pause) And it's not our fault....'."   
  
A/N**This song is called "Ether", and it's by a band called "Seether"...and if you wanna hear   
it you can find it on the soundtrack for "Freddy VS Jason." We don't listen to much heavy  
metal music, but we've made an exception for about 3 songs on this soundtrack.**Becca, it's  
on your next tape. ^_^It was too funny for you to miss**  
  
Romano stared at them. "Okay, I don't even want to ask about that one." He remarked, as he   
looked at the message on his pager, and his face turned to disbelief. "Oh she's not serious."  
  
"About what?" Cassi asked, trying to peek at the message.  
  
"Lizzie says she found Pratt's head, and Jason is still in the building." Romano answered,   
bolting for the elevators.  
  
At this, Carter's head popped into view. "Oooh, this I GOTTA see!" He exclaimed, following.  
  
"I'm coming too!" Ardeth called, catching up.  
  
"Hey, I wanna see!" Chris Mason yelled, running after them.  
  
"I'm coming too." Sven cut in, catching up with Chris.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Right, why don't we just sell tickets?" He muttered as the group got  
on the elevator.  
  
Cassi frowned, thinking about this. "You know we can make some money if we did." She   
pointed out.  
  
"Don't even start." Romano snapped. "Who's going to clean the mess in OR2?"  
  
"Not me!" Everyone in the elevator spoke up, in unison.  
*************************************************************************  
  
In OR2, in the scrub room, Dr. Glasses, Ivy, Jeffery, and Jason were standing against the sinks,  
while Elizabeth glared at them, and Dr. Glasses was trying to explain their actions.  
  
"I rather think the proceedure was going well before we were interrupted." Dr. Glasses was  
saying.  
  
"The proceedure was creating Frakenstein out of medical staff!" Elizabeth exploded.  
  
"What's Frak-en-stan?" Ivy asked, frowning.  
  
Elizabeth sighed. "Not important right now." She told her. "I'm sorry, but if you people wish  
to cut up dead bodies and put them back together again, you need to find somewhere else to  
do it. Is that understood?"  
  
The group looked at each other.   
  
"This is the hospital, is it not?" Dr. Glasses remarked, with a shrug. "Is our science not   
important to others?"  
  
"Only if you're supplying horror movies with dead bodies." Romano interrupted from the door-  
way. Then he turned to Elizabeth. "I hear you have part of one of my ER staff up here."  
  
"In there." Elizabeth answered, pointing. "I'm afraid it's not pretty."  
  
"Oh, yeah!" Chris cut in, rushing for the OR. "I brought the camera. Wait till Mike sees THIS  
one!"  
  
Romano stepped into the OR and stared at the mess on the table. "Was this Edson or Dorset?  
I can't tell!" He called out.  
  
"I'm not sure." Dr. Glasses informed him. "I don't believe we checked who any of them were."  
  
"Well, it's part Pratt....nice work with that, by the way..." Romano answered. "This one was   
Jacey....small loss...."  
  
"Edson." Elizabeth finished. "It was Edson."  
  
"So who killed him?" Sven asked. "I have to know for the notebook."  
  
"Dr. Jason took care of that one, I believe." Dr. Glasses replied, patting Jason on the back.  
  
"DR?!" Elizabeth choked out. "He's a DOCTOR now!?"  
  
"Yes." Dr. Glasses answered, matter of factly. "He was an extremely good assistant."  
  
Carter walked in to look, followed by Ardeth. "Wow." He turned to Romano. "So how many   
people you think would avoid the place if they put him on surgical rotation?"  
  
Cassi grinned. "Lots."  
  
Sven nodded in agreement. "Get me a copy of that, Chris." She ordered.  
  
"Got it." Chris answered. "Anyone else?"   
  
Elizabeth gave them a disgusted look. "I should say not." She snapped, walking out. "Get that  
mess out of here!"  
  
Romano looked after her a minute, then after she was out of earshot, he turned to Chris. "Eight  
by ten, glossy, and framed." He said quietly, with a wink.  
  
"Got it." Chris replied, writing it down.  
  
"Good, now you people get this mess out of here and put everything back to normal before  
Kerry sees what happened." Romano told the group. "I really don't want to have to listen to  
her and Anspaugh yell about it."  
  
"I don't blame you." Cassi admitted. "Okay kids, sorry, it's all going to go away." She snapped  
her fingers.  
  
Both Jacey and Edson were now laying dead on the floor, and Pratt's head has vanished. "The   
head should be back on the body, but it's up to you people to raise the dead." Sven announced.  
  
"Where's Rumpelteazer?" Ardeth asked, looking around. "She came up here with Corday."  
  
"I believe the female feline creature is in your recovery area, raising the rest of the dead." Dr.  
Glasses answered.  
  
"Good." Romano put in. "Carter, get these corpses back to life, so we can reopen this place.  
I'm going back downstairs."  
  
Carter and Ardeth watched as he left. "Ah, darn." Carter pouted. "Now I'm STUCK up here."  
  
"Yeah, well YOU were the one who had to follow us." Cassi pointed out. "Ivy, take your new  
friend home with you, and show him around the castle. Glasses, get lost. The other gremlins  
are long gone. Jeffery, Atherton was looking for you. Go find him."  
  
"Guess we're about done now, huh?" Sven remarked, looking around.  
  
"Yeah, unfortunately, we are." Cassi answered with a sigh. "However, we can't leave until all  
the dead are back to life.....except Weaver. I'd rather be gone before she's brought back."  
  
"Most of us wouldn't mind if she stayed dead." Shirley spoke up from the doorway. "I'm  
really starting to miss Dr. Romano as the Chief of Staff."  
  
"Can't say I blame you." Cassi agreed. "At least he was funnier."  
  
"Well, shall we return to the ground floor and go back to our bordum?" Sven asked.  
  
"Yeah, bordum sounds good." Chris answered, following. "That way we can plan our NEXT  
breaktime spoof!"  
  
"Speaking of that......" The insane trio's conversation faded as they headed down the hall.  
  
After a minute, Carter, Ardeth, and Shirley exchanged a glance.  
  
"That didn't sound promising." Carter spoke up, nervously.  
  
"Can it possibly be worse than the last two?" Shirley remarked, with a shrug.  
  
Ardeth grinned. "The last two were kind of fun, actually." He reminded them. "Are you coming  
with me after this?"  
  
Carter looked at him like he was insane. "You'd even suggest that I'd STAY?!" He spat out.  
"Heck, yeah, I'm coming with you!"  
  
"For what?" Shirley asked, confused.   
  
"To Egypt." Carter answered as if it were obvious. "I'm going home with Ardeth. I'm going to  
be a Med-jai for a while. What's keeping me here? Abby's being a jerk, and Gamma's gone.   
Wouldn't YOU want to leave for a while?"  
  
Shirley considered it. "Well yeah, when you put it that way, I suppose you're right." She  
admitted. "Take care of yourself out there."  
  
Carter grinned. "It's going to be lots of fun!" He stated, excitedly. "I can't wait."  
  
"Discuss it later." Shirley told him, with a serious face. "Now we have to raise the dead."  
*************************************************************************  
THREE HOURS LATER......  
  
The hospital was completely back to normal.....well, it was empty of new patients, but then,   
they had just reopened it, so it wouldn't be long. Our point is the dead is now back with the  
exception of Dr. Weaver and Dr. Anspaugh, whom the doctors had delayed until the Authors  
had left the building.....***much to our relief***  
  
"Gotta go, more terror to create elsewhere." Cassi called, waving.  
  
"We'll be back, so don't start partying yet." Chris yelled.  
  
Sven took the film roll out of his shirt pocket and grinned. "After we develope a few pictures."  
She remarked with an evil snicker.  
  
"Don't hurry back." Pratt snapped, glaring. He'd been told what had happened and wasn't   
very happy about it.  
  
Romano frowned and turned to Elizabeth. "You still got that bottle?" He asked.  
  
"Yes." She answered, pulling it out. "Why?"  
  
Romano snatched the vial. "Cas!" He called out.  
  
"What?" Cassi asked, turning around.  
  
"Catch!" He said, throwing the vial.  
  
Cassi shook her head as she caught it. "Are you sure you don't want it?" She remarked, with  
a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah, now get lost before I change my mind." Romano told her with a grin.  
  
"I'll be back." Cassi proclaimed, walking out the doors of the hospital.  
  
The doctors in the ER all looked at each other. "May God have mercy on our souls."  
Romano spoke up, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Well.....the party was fun." Susan admitted.  
  
"Yeah, we should put a pool in the ambulance bay more often." Kovac's Clone added with  
a wide grin.  
  
Romano frowned, thinking about it. "Nah, we better not." The city would never allow it.  
  
"Bummer." Abby remarked.  
*************************************************************************  
  
THE END.......except for the next chapter......Coming soon! 


	16. Meanwhile in the morgue Insert evil grin...

MEANWHILE, DOWN IN THE MORGUE........  
  
  
The lights were very dim when Dr. Dorset awakened. Where was he? The last thing he   
remembered was some little grren creatures all over the place, and a very mutilated body....  
but he had been in the ER at the time. What had happened while he was out?  
  
He was distracted from his thoughts, when he heard the hummed song of a wedding   
march. Frowning, he looked over where the noise was coming from, and stared in shock.  
  
Maxine Gremlin was dressed in an elegant white wedding gown, and she was carrying a  
bouquet of roses, and her face held a bright smile as she grew nearer......  
  
In the hall outside of the morgue, a loud horrified scream was heard, and we fade to black....  
  
THE VERY REAL END.....and now we present the updated Moments list....We've removed  
a few that were on the original list posted in Youth Elixir 1, but we just couldn't cut them all.....  
**There are a few that we haven't had time to re read through as of yet, but keep a lookout  
the next breaktime spoof, as I'm sure we'll have new ones!!! And if any of you know of any  
quotes from any of the spoofs, PLEASE Email us and let us know. We do this in spare time,  
and sometimes we miss a few.**  
************************************************************************  
MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS....RANDOM CHOICE PHRASES FROM SPOOFS (By Sven & Cassi)   
**************************************************************************  
This is not a spoof, and not really a list.....It's just a wonderous collection of moments we all   
cherish from the spoofs we all love. I've collected together this bunch of phrases said by   
characters thoughout all of our spoofs....including the ones you have seen....and the few that   
you haven't. This includes the spoofs that are posted...and the spoofs we have YET to post.   
Which would be the first two, with the Cats and the newest ones that are not yet typed. So in a   
way, some of the phrases are a small preview of the spoofs you have not yet seen. Enjoy, and   
also....We have not fully looked through some of the older spoofs, so there may still be more   
phrases that should be in here. So, you our fans, and friends, if you have any choice phrases   
that you loved in the spoofs that are not here. PLEASE tell us by review or Email, and we will   
gladly include them! So for now...sit back and cherish the memories!!!^_^  
************************************************************************  
PRESEASON  
**************  
#1: THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA*** (STATUS-Complete, but not typed)By Sven  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
BOMBA: (to Sven)Are you done thinking yet?  
JEMIMA: Your face, Etcetera, it's white. It frightens me. It frightens Tugger, too.  
CASSI: (about Misto) I think she should have pulled his face off.  
SVEN: I think you read too much John Saul.  
  
#2: THE PRINCESS BRIDE....THE SPOOF ***(Status, Complete, but not typed)By Sven  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
MISTOFFOLEES: Hey! Stop talking so I can speak!  
MACAVITY: She got you there, Pouncini....you WEANIE!!!!  
MISTOFFOLEES: I swear on the soul of my....HEY! I don't even know who my father WAS!  
MUNGOJERRIE: AHH!!!!I'S BOB!!!!QUICK, TEAZAH, 'IODE(hide) ME!!!! 'E'S GONNE EA' ME!  
SVEN: Nobody's eating anyone. Back to the script.  
  
SEASON ONE  
*****************  
#3: STAR WARS: THE NEW SPOOF ***(Status-complete- Online, by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SCOTT: There's a droid on the scanner! It might be our little R2 unit! Hit the accelerator!   
LUKE SKYWALKER: Did I really sound that stupid back then?  
WARREN WORTHINGTON: (to Scott) Will you be quiet? You've got a mouth bigger than a   
meteor crater, and that ISN'T a joke!  
WOLVIE: I'm not cute, I'm a bizerker!  
CASSI: Aww, how cute.  
GAMBIT: We're doomed! Remi tink he sound like a moron.  
JUBILEE: No arguments here--oops, --I mean beep boop beep.  
CAPTAIN: (about the life-pod that has Jubilee and Gambit on it) Hold your fire, there's no intelligent  
life on board.  
GAMBIT&JUBILEE: HEY!!!  
WARREN: I signed aboard the Rand Ecliptic last week. First mate Warren Worthington at your   
service. I'm just here to gloat to all you land-locked simpletons, so you don't find out I'm really a rebel.  
SCOTT: (about the ship) What a piece of junk!!! Are you sure this flies!?  
HAN: (glares) That's the REAL Millenium Falcon.  
CASSI: If that was 'Basic', I'd hate to hear 'Complicated'.  
SPIKE: (enters) I just saw the bloody weirdest thing.  
JEAN: Was it a bunch of aliens in a kick-line with some weirdo, wearing a bucket on his head?  
SPIKE: Uhhhh, no.  
LOGAN: Look at the Peanut Gallery!  
SCOTT: I'm trying not to. It's a hideous sight.  
  
#4: LABYRINTH, A SPOOF ***(Status-Complete-Online by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
MISTOFFELEES: I ask for so little...just let me rule you.  
XANDER: (as a Munchkin) Follow the Yellow Brick Road.  
RUMPELTEAZER: I 'ave to go to the castle to save me creepy brother.  
SVEN: (to Spike) Here boy! Good, Spike! Have a biscuit!  
SPIKE: I am not in love with the Slayer!  
CASSI: And he's in denial.  
SPIKE: I am not!  
SVEN: He denys that he's in denial.  
RUFIO: Denial is de longest river in de world.  
SPIKE: What is the dwarf's name?  
JARETH: Hedgewart.  
SVEN: Hogwart.  
DIDYMUS: Sir Hoggle.  
SPIKE: I see, why don't we just call him, "Hey you"?  
POUNCE: (about Teazer) Yeah, she wants to take her head off and be like us!!!  
SPIKE: Sure, high and headless, start a trend!  
CASSI: I don't remember Sarah saying she loved junkyards, either, nor do I remember her referring to  
Toby as "creepy and blue"....Just go with it.  
JARETH: I don't remember Toby BEING creepy and blue.  
  
#5: STAR WARS: THE SPOOF STRIKES BACK **(Status-Complete-online by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
CASSI: You might be a Metalneck if your skeleton is more durable than your car.   
SVEN: (to Buffy) Continue, and I don't CARE if you sound like a moron!   
WARREN: Your ugly kangaroo-goat will die before you reach the first marker.  
XANDER: (about Luke) Man, that was close. I was afraid he was gonna do a "Carrie" and kill   
us all.  
CORSAIR: How come all the unnamed stormtroopers have fangs?  
LOGAN: (about the cheeseburger droid) Afraid there's not much left, and what WAS left, Sabre  
decided to have for lunch.  
BUFFY: What was it?  
LOGAN: A cheeseburger of some kind. I couldn't tell what was on it.  
BUFFY: An Imperial cheeseburger droid!  
WAGNER: NO!  
ALONZO: We'd better start an evacuation.  
CASSI: All that over a cheeseburger?  
TOAD: I think we've got something. Our cheeseburger droid in the Hoth system sent it.  
XANDER: French fries and a drink?  
CASSI: And an apple turnover!  
CORSAIR: (ignores them) You found something?  
XANDER: Yeah, a fast food restraunt.  
SCOTT: (about Luke on Dagabah) Let me guess....the dog's pet Jedi.  
CASSI: (about Mulder and Scully looking for aliens) Can you believe that? Aliens here! I mean  
we're doing STAR WARS! How could they possibly think we'd have aliens here?  
SVEN: Not a clue, they're obviously out of their minds, right Chewie?  
SPIKE: (about Scott being swayed to the darkside) Not bloody likely. He's too much of a poofter,  
besides, he's smarter than Luke.  
XANDER: Great. They need me because the Empire is made up of cats and vampires.  
  
#6: DOT: THE VAMPIRE SLAYER***(Status-Complete-online, by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SPIKE: (to Dot--slurred) Wha's yer name?  
DOT: Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Bananafana Bo Besca, the THIRD! Or you  
can call me Dot, but if you call me Dottie, I'll have to hurt you.  
CASSI: I am a spectator. I have a right to throw up.  
DOT: Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador...like I'm ever going to Spain, anyway.  
DOT: I am the Slayer. I have the ablility to make anvils fall from the ceiling.  
MURDOC: I'll get you, Dot, and your little dog, too.  
XANDER: (to Dot and the cats) Would you guys shut up?  
DOT: (turns around) It could happen.  
SPIKE: That you'd shut up? Not bloody likely.  
CORDELIA: How about the Ozone Layer?  
DOT: That's right, we gotta get rid of that.  
DOT: I have to see this weird cat about a job.  
MACAVITY: Oh, I play my part.  
DOT: You can play with your part all you want---EWWW!!! Just don't do it here, there are   
children present!  
DOT: You made a funny! Are you alright? Do you want to lie down? I know it hurts the first time.  
DOT: Is that your car?  
SPIKE: No, it belonged to the vampires. I was just walking around outside, in the middle of the night,  
all alone.  
  
#7: STAR WARS: SHADOWS OF THE SPOOF***(Status-Complete-online, By Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
MURDOC: I am NOT insane! I'm just very very determined.   
GAMBIT: We seem to have lost the pursuer, Master Scott. I believe it smashed into that   
walkway we flew under....or it crashed into the building we flew through.   
SPIKE: They keep thinking no one could be as stupid as we are. It fools them every time.   
SPIKE: Great. I'm being threatened by a cheerleader....I'm really scared.  
BUFFY: Isn't it great to see grown men act like children?  
CASSI: (about Lando's cooking) I thought we were going to something less disgusting.  
SCOTT: (about the stew) Giju stew? It looks like boot plastic and fertilizer drenched in pond scum..  
and it smells like it too.   
POUNCE: Food!!! (swallows the whole bowl of Lando's stew, then spits it out) YUCK!!! This is  
disgusting!!!  
SPIKE: This is Riley, theif, card cheat, smuggler, jerk, idiot, bad actor, boring, did I mention stupid--  
Oh yeah, he's an okay pilot, but I'm sure you all knew that already.  
RILEY: Maybe you wouldn't want to, Wagner. but I eat thunderstorms for breakfast.  
CASSI: Wouldn't the lightning bother his stomach?  
CASSI: (to Xander) How the heck do you lose an eight hundred pound block of carbonite?  
XANDER: It was an accident, I swear!  
SVEN: Yeah, tell her Scott, the galaxy's biggest idiot, flash-flamed himself into a black crisp because  
he couldn't follow an elementry circuit diagram.  
SVEN: I speak gibberish, therefore I can read it, now keep going.  
RILEY: I'm back!  
SPIKE: Oh, I'm really scared.  
BUFFY: I second that.  
  
#8: THE VAMPIRE MUMMY ***(Status-Complete-online, by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SVEN: Just add water! Instant Han!   
SPIKE: Just like dehydrated soup.  
SPIKE: Great, now we're being eaten by a KEWPIE DOLL!   
BUFFY: I have plenty of respect for the dead....as long as they don't jump up and attack me.  
BUFFY: You're wondering what's a place like me doing in a girl like this?  
CASSI: (about how violent the spoof is) Nothing major. A few killings, people getting eaten by  
Labyrinth fairies.....you get the point.  
ARDETH: Eaten by WHAT!?  
JARETH: Fairies.  
CASSI: Sven and I thought scarabs were too common, so we made it interesting.  
XANDER: (to Buffy) I lie to everybody. What makes you so special?  
BUFFY: I am your sister.  
XANDER: Yes, well that just makes you more gullible.  
SVEN: (about Angelus) Hear that, everybody? Someone read the SCRIPT!  
ALL: HURRAAAAAY!!!!  
ANGELUS: (about plane) No wait, it's a BIRD, no it IS a plane. No, it's....Spike, and three idiots.  
  
#9: STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE SPOOF ***(Status-Complete-Online, by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SVEN: We took the liberty of filling the pit with Maneating Claw Lizards from the Lost Star...  
aka--Velociraptors.  
SPIKE: So much for long drawn out death. They'll be sushi in thirty seconds!   
SPIKE: (about Logan) Put him back in carbonite. He's past his expiration date.   
DR CARTER: (about the raptors) That explains the ripped up trainer I just sewed up. Don't   
worry, he'll only lose one of his arms.  
DIDYMUS: (as Yoda) Die, I shall not! Fight thee to the death, I shall!   
CHRIS: Okay, Spikedroid, your line.  
SPIKE: If I could glare, I would.  
SPIKE: (grumbles) His Bloatedness, the Smelly Mojo the Hutt, has decreed that you are to  
be terminated immediately.  
LOGAN: Good, I hate long waits.  
SPIKE: 'EY RAPTOR MEAT!!! His Bloatedness hopes that you die horribly, but should any   
of you wish to beg for mercy, you will not be heard, so feel free to yell all you want!  
SCOTT: (to Buffy) Yes, Madam Pain in the Butt, we are going to a slimey mudhole. Maybe  
you'll fall in like Jubes did.  
  
#10: ROBIN HOOD: SPIKE (AND A LOT OF OTHER GUYS) IN TIGHTS**(Status-Complete-  
online-Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
MACAVITY: Spike of Loxley, where is your King?  
SPIKE: Which King would that be? King Louis, King Richard....King Kong?  
SPIKE: (to Billy) Watch my back!  
BILLY: (to Spike) Your back just got punched...twice!  
SARAH: Look Jenny! A happy little bluebird!  
POUNCE: BOINGY!!!! (bounces in and eats the bird)  
PRINCE JOHN: So much for the happy little bluebird.  
GILES: (to Willow) What can you tell me about Spike of Loxley?  
WILLOW: He's a real pain in the butt.  
XANDER: Tell us something we DON'T know.  
ANGEL: KING ILLEGAL FOREST TO PIG WILD KILL IN IT A IS?!  
SPIKE& SARAH: What?!  
GILES: Save me save me! Hurt them hurt them!  
ANGEL: Yes, I've got it. Save them save them, hurt you hurt you.  
SPIKE: My darling, I'm ready for that kiss now....ugh, listen to me. I'm making myself sick.   
LUKE SKYWALKER: Hmmm, let me think. Getting a spanking from a snowman, or wearing a   
dress. Tough choice.   
BILLY COLTON: Man, I never should have worn these shoes. They just don't match my purse.   
  
#11: THE THREE MUSKETEERS, A SPOOF ***(Status-Complete- online-Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
PORTHOS: Does anyone on this set know how to use one of those? (a sword)  
CASSI: Yeah, the pointy end goes into the other guy.  
LOGAN: My father was a Musketeer. The King's personal bodyguard.  
CHRIS MASON: Well at least he has something nice to tell his shrink. I had to say mine  
was a psycho.  
MURDOC: (about the flag) Burn it. I still have a flamethrower.  
CASSI: Rochefort of the 21st century. Comes fully loaded with all the extras.  
SVEN: Batteries included.  
LANGLY: I gotta say this spoofacting thing really SUCKS!  
MURDOC: (to MacGyver) Angus.....isn't that a breed of cattle?   
PORTHOS: (about Xander) Before today, did he even know where France was?  
CHRIS MASON: We've all seen France on the map.  
WAKKO: It's purple.  
CASSI, MURDOC, CHRIS & PHYRO: (singing) We're pyromaniacs! We love fire to the max!   
We buy matches by the stacks, we have flamethrowers on our backs, we're PYROMANIACS!!!!  
MURDOC: I'm the bad guy. And the bad guy makes the good guy's life miserable. Ask anyone.  
  
SEASON TWO  
*******************  
#12: CUTTHROAT ISLAND, THE SPOOF***(Status-Complete-online-by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
XANDER: (to Cassi) You're bringing GLORY in !?  
CASSI: Not yet, she'll star in the spoof that comes after the spoof that comes after the spoof  
that comes after this one.  
ALL: Huh?  
SVEN: She gets to smack her head into a tree.  
TINKERBELL: No, I don't bite....but I WILL throw you through a wall if you make me mad.  
WOLVIE: (about Munku) Hey that's his SCALP! Lemme TOUCH it!   
CHRIS: Her uncle and father are cats, and her other uncle's not only Egyptian, but younger than  
her. They're already key for the Jerry Springer show.   
SVEN: If you don't like my driving, GET OFF THE SIDEWALK!!!  
JIMMY MARTINEZ: (to 7of9) Resistance is futil, you will be assimilated.  
DAWN: (to Langly) Do you guys really have Jimmy Hoffa's Email address?  
LANGLY: (seriously) Yeah, but we don't give it out.  
PETER: Best to take her to the hospital....however since we can't, best we seal her side with this  
hot poker.  
FROHIKE: Try not to kill her, Langly. You're too good a hacker to splatter across the deck.  
SAM DANIELS: (watching the dead people fall off the ships) Well, this place is going to look   
like the Beaches of Normandy.  
CASSI: Back to the spoof! Nikki is killing people....um...on second thought, let's just say they're   
all killing each other.  
PRINCE JOHN: (about Phyro) Somebody catch that pyromaniac before he kills someone who's  
not supposed to be killed!  
CASSI: Get Macavity out of the water, and back to the Adams Family. (Ardeth & Nikki)  
ALL: Da da da dum! (snap snap)  
LOGAN: (watching Ardeth&Nikki fight) Violent family, aren't they?  
PETER: Hate to see them at a family reunion.  
  
#13: THE PHANTOM....FROM THE FBI***(Status-Complete-online, by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
PRINCE JOHN: (to Mulder) Here's your rings. We had to eat a lot of Cracker-Jacks for them, so  
act greatful.   
MULDER: Great. I have a telepathic monster for a wolf and a green horse that needs an   
excorcist.  
HARLEY: (runs up to Fiddles) *We have to run now and chase that plane!*  
FIDDLES: Right, we have to save the damsel in distress from the freak in the purple suit!  
FIDDLES: (waves at the camera) Lady Iris, look at me!!! I'm on TV!!! Hi everybody!!! I'm on TV!!  
IMHOTEP: Ardeth, I am your father!!!  
ARDETH: NOOO!!!THAT'S NOT TRUE!!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!  
  
**There are no new quotes for this spoof......yet/we're working on it.  
  
#14: BATMAN, A SPOOF ***(Status-complete-online, by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
CASSI: (to Ryan) You actually read the script? You really ARE insane!  
SVEN: Okay, who gave Pouncie catnip AND a machine gun!?  
GERARD: (into his phone) This is Gerard.......no, I can't come in.......no, Cosmo can't either........  
because he's dead......NO, I'm NOT kidding!!!  
SVEN: (takes the phone) We're sorry, Cosmo and Gerard are not available at this time. If you try  
to call again, you will be fed to a pack of velociraptors.  
MUNGO: (answers Cosmo's phone) 'Ello?......No, 'e's dead.....'E'll be aloive in abou' an houah.   
Call then.  
BRUCE WAYNE: Am I in the right place?  
CASSI: You see any other buildings with weirdos in them?  
  
**See the note after #13**  
  
#15: JAMES OF THE JUNGLE ***(Status-complete-online, by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
WAKKO: Look everyone! Africa is purple like France!   
PRINCE JOHN: (to Glory) Hon, if the people an this set aren't already mindless zombies, there   
ain't NOTHIN that'll turn 'em into one.  
DARTH VADER: (narrating) Twenty-five years later, the bouncing baby boy has grown into a  
swinging jungle King.  
JIMMY: (swings from tree to tree)  
DARTH VADER: He is swift, he is strong, he is sure, he is smart....  
JIMMY: (smacks into a tree and lands face first in the dirt)  
DARTH VADER: (continues) He is unconcious.  
GLORY: (into the camera) Hi everybody! Me again! (smiling brightly) Third day in....  
where ever we are and look at this incredible....  
JESSE: Banyan tree.  
GLORY: Whatever...(continues, smiling)...and look what's in it! A bunch of virus carrying   
monkeys! Couldn't you just die?  
BOBBY DRAKE: (to the guides) Take my things to the lady's tent and shake a leg.  
BUFFY: Then they do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around.  
GILES: And that's what it's all about.  
  
#16: THE FUGITIVE....FROM THE ER***(Status-complete-online, by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DR DAVE: Dr Romano had an accident with Dr. Benton's scalpel. He's dead.   
CASSI: No! Our Guest does not kill cereal.....in fact, I'm not even sure he eats it.  
KRYCHECK: I got it. The doctor who killed his wife, but not really, since she's not his wife, and   
she's not dead.   
MURDOC: (to Carter) Well, look at it this way. Instead of stitching people together on the  
slab, you'll get to be on the slab, yourself.  
MURDOC: (about Chris Knight) Ah yeah. We can discuss the difference between a genius  
and a person who needs psychological help, later.  
SVEN: Spike, and Angelus, you need to lead a shell-shocked Dr. Carter from the house.......  
Carter, pretend you just found out you got a role.  
  
**No new quotes yet**  
  
#17: JURASSIC SPOOF***(Status-complete-online, by Cassi & Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SVEN: Cassi, you can not blow the guest all over the Green Room!   
CASSI: All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Lando together again.   
CASSI: People are dying! Shut down the system so we can kill more.  
ASH: Great, we're gonna die and Darth Vader is telling us all about the animals that are going to   
eat us.  
GUMBO: Dead dinosaurs aren't scary.  
BRIDGET: And dead children aren't annoying.  
MURDOC: I'd like to thank you for flying "Air Murdoc." I hope you live long enough to do   
this again sometime!  
PETE: (to Niles) In 48 hours, you'll be dead, so I don't think your opinion matters much.  
  
**See previous note**  
  
SEASON THREE  
********************  
#18: STAR WARS: HEIR TO THE SPOOF***(Status-incomplete-hiatus at pg 200. partial online  
-Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
MUNKUSTRAP: We're gonna DIE!!!! BEWARE THE EVIL YELLOW CIRCLE!!! IT'S GOING  
TO EAT US ALL!!!!   
SPIKE: Gambit, get it right, or we'll recycle you.  
SVEN: Skip the part about Gerard being a clone. I don't want security thinking he's the Blue-  
Light Special.  
STEVE: Where's a clone?  
ROMANO: In Med-Lab....woman, red hair...uses a crutch....  
ROMANO: (on the Bimbo planet) My God, we've found where Barbie and Ken come from!  
BUFFY: (to the Bimbo) If you don't like get out of here, I'm going to break your perfect little  
nose!  
KRISTI: (about the Bimbo) Or she could have explosive diarrhea.  
ROMANO: You mean "perfectly pretty" explosive diarrhea.  
CASSI: What's so pretty about it?  
GREENE: She spent the entire day sitting on her perfectly pretty pink toilet seat.  
JIMMY BOND: James proud! Teach Scott well!  
GREENE: James teach Scott how to break Scott nose!  
LOGAN: You'll never see that in the movies..."Luke Skywalker slams, face-first, into a cement  
wall."  
HAN SOLO: Goldenrod, meet Gumbobot.  
  
#19: THE VAMPIRE MUMMY RETURNS ***(Status-complete-online-by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DYLAN SKYLER: In 20 years at Cyndi's wedding, DON'T EAT THE PIG!!!!   
DOT: Please do not attempt to pet the stuffed animals or security, as they will try to kill you.   
MURDOC: Please tell me we aren't fighting Martian Pigs.  
JOHN: Okay, subject of Martian Pigs aside, back to the script.   
EVELYN: (reading the wall) Who wrote, "Glory loves Imhotep" here?  
MUMMY: (singing) If I only had a brain!!!  
XANDER HARRIS: For those of you who have just joined us, everyone here is a crazy person.  
  
**No new quotes yet**  
  
#20: JURASSIC SPOOF: THE LOST WORLD***(Status-complete-online-By Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
JONATHAN CARNAHAN: (to Penny) Honey, please don't startle the nice armed assassin.   
CASSI: Please tell me Security didn't eat the SWAT team.   
FROHIKE: (to Ardeth) Well, if you feel underqualified any, you might just try flcking the switch  
to "On".  
ARDETH: (to Shower) You naughty girl! You're lucky you're my daughter, or I'd cook you alive   
and eat you!  
DR CARTER: (reguarding the sick Ralph jr) So give him an Alka-seltzer and let him GO!  
IMHOTEP: Right. It's settled. We let them sleep until Ralph and Mrs. Ralph wake them up, then  
we all flee in blind panic on our separate ways.  
  
**See previous note**  
  
#21: PEREGRIN, A"WILLOW" SPOOF ***(Status-complete-online-by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
ARDETH: Seizing all pregnant women in the realm, the evil...(laughs) Queen...(laughs) I mean,   
King Imhotep.....  
WOLVIE: (about Connor) Well, actually, I'm realated. Spike is my Daddy, and that baby is his   
Uncle-Nephew, so he's my....Great Uncle-cousin.  
PIPPIN: I wish I could take you two X-Babies with me.....so that my life becomes a living torture   
and I kill myself after a day.  
FRODO: Fine! Go ahead and use the road! And when you get caught, tell Queen Imhotep I said  
HI!  
GLORY: (grins) You're not warriors! You're.....BUNNY RABBITS!!!  
MADCHRIS: (bites a carrot) Ahh...what's up, doc?  
LEGOLAS: (to Arwen) Protect me!!! The Evil snowman's gonna get me!!!!  
  
**See note before previous note**  
  
#22: LORD OF THE RINGS: FELLOWSHIP OF THE SPOOF***(Status-complete-online, by  
Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
RING: I will rule the world!!!  
RING: This story is about ME, not some stupid talking SCRIPT!  
WOLVIE: Bagless? Sure I know a Bagless! Magneato Bagless! Over there! He's my father's  
brother's nephew's cousin's former room mate....twice removed on his mother's side.  
DARTH VADER: I'm so proud. My baby's all grown up into a big Sith Lord!  
CHRIS: Nowhere in the script does it say that Pippin picked up the discarded Wraith blade and   
stabbed Frodo with it!  
MAGNEATO: HELLO!!! I'm dying over here!!! Could you stop talking and SAVE me!?  
SAM (HOBBIT): Will you shut up and DIE already!?  
ANGEL: Have you seen it, Ardeth? The White Tower of ....um....Eck, the Lion.  
MAGNETO: Just tea, thank-you. Without the rat poison, it might upset my stomach.  
ROMANO: Okay, somebody call Psyche and get them down here.  
CYKE: I'm Cthyke, what do you want?  
ROMANO: A gun, I'm going to shoot myself.  
MAGNEATO: I wish the Ring had never come to me.  
RING: You ain't the only one.  
  
**Do I have to tell you?**  
  
#23: THE FORBIDDEN SPOOF: THE HUNTER***(Status-complete, by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SVEN: I wanna see if they'll get Aragorn high enough to to lose Gondor.  
DR ROMANO: I am the assistant director! If I wanna say "Once upon a time", I SAY it! (pulls   
out a (flamethrower) Now does anyone have a problem with that!?   
DR ROMANO: It's in the script. "Jenny sees gorgeous cyber-punk, and stares like an idiot until  
he looks away."  
FIDDLES: ACK!!! DEMON BOX!!!DEMON BOX!!!!   
CASSI: (to Dor) Would you STOP making my props talk!?!?  
TARA MACLAY: Right. I can beat you with my trusty CRAYON!  
LEGOLAS: The gods themselves do tremble.  
FIDDLES: All hail the mighty crayon!  
  
**And again....you're getting used to this by now, right?**  
SEASON FOUR  
*********************  
#24: US PSYCHOS***(Status-in progress, by Sven)--New quotes added from here on^_^  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
GERARD: (after Biggs shoots Cash) Biggs, you killed yourself.  
DAVE: No, I want to go to the back of the plane to retrieve the pen gun and blow a hole  
through the window, so I can splatter myself in someone's tub, thus causing them to never  
use their bathroom again.  
ANDREW (trio): Well when you put it that way. (to Dave) Go ahead and explode.  
SVEN: (about her reading books on serial killers) But I like reading the casework and Forensic  
stuff. It has nothing to do with me torturing people. I'm insane, not a PSYCHO!!  
LECTER: There's some clones at a roadblock ahead. Do you want to stop for lunch?  
RYAN: (about Achemed) Our boy got himself a new set of clothes....a long while back.  
ROMANO: No, all this time, we really thought he was running around naked.  
NICKY PIKE: (as Sparrow's Asst.--yelling) SCRIPT!  
MURDOC: (makes a face) Oh, this is degrading. I have to follow orders from a kid that isn't  
even old enough to SHAVE! **he's 8**  
SVEN: Yep, and if you don't listen to him, I'll let him use the flame thrower.  
RYAN: How soon can we get on that plane?  
BECCA: They spent all that effort to get off the plane, and now he wants back ON it?!  
CASSI: (when asked where they were) Lecter's group were going to eat the roadblock.  
ROMANO: (shouting) Can someone go tell Kerry that Dave just got killed by Freddy Krueger?  
FREDDY: (after being banned from Medlab) Awww, now I'll never be a surgeon.  
ROMANO: I'll bet we'd clear the board real fast with him down as a resident. **Dr. Krueger has  
kind of a nice ring to it, don't it?**  
  
#25: JURASSIC SPOOF III ***(Status-in progress, By Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
LOGAN: (making his speech) Okay, Raptors are smart, yada yada yada...they could have ruled   
the world, and you need to give us money so we can afford to dig their dried out, mummified,   
and petrified skeletons from the ground and put them on display for your enjoyment.  
DOT: Doesn't that just make you wanna give them money?  
DONOVAN: (to his team) Children, if you can't behave, I'll stand you in corners.  
CODY FORRESTER: (points at Shaw) He started it.  
COMPUTER: NOOO!!! DON'T TAKE MY MAGNET! I LOVE MY MAGNET!!!  
CASSI: Death to all who touch the sacred walkman.  
BLUE: Anyone see where I left that ticking nuke bomb?  
PRINCE JOHN: Okay, it's a bug, that's a dead body. Let's return to the spoof now, shall we?  
JENNY: (at the communications center) Do the Compys live there?  
STEVE: No, but they have Bingo there every Monday night.  
LOGAN: Okay, if we're alive on Monday night, we know where to find them, won't we?  
COSMO: (to Ryan at the concession stand) Are you sure you'd want a hot-dog here? They  
don't have cows here you know.  
MURDOC: Mmm, good Veggiesaur-dog.  
ROMANO: Even money says that if you put enough mustard on it, you'll never know the  
difference.  
STEVE: (where the humans are in the cages) Oh, I must be in the wrong place. This is   
the monkey exhibit.  
BRIDGET: Oh honey, don't poke the bars, you'll scare the monkeys.  
EMMY: Don't move! If you move, they'll chase you!   
BLUE: Yeah, make it easier, and stand still.  
JULIAN: All medical personnel not dead, go to Medlab.  
PRINCE JOHN: The dead ones better go, too.  
CODY THORNTON: (about the Compy's home) It's not much but they have a VCR and a stereo.  
GERARD: Even a pool, I see.  
CODY: That's not much either....it's not even heated.  
COSMO: (about the dino-bird thing) Excuse me, but I have a very hard time picturing Ralph in a  
birdcage, eating seeds.  
RALPH: Ugh, gag me with a spoon.  
BECCA: It would have to be a pretty big spoon.  
DR CARTER: (singing) I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks.....  
NICK: (singing) Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue.....  
STEVE: (singing) I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double edged razor blades.....  
ARDETH: (singing) I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands, and then  
throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die.....  
ALL FOUR: .....than spend one more minute.....with you!  
NEWMAN: (about Nicky) Well, if Sparrow doesn't warp him, someone else will...  
MALLORY: Oh, he's my brother. He was warped to start with.  
CASSI: Anything besides Jack wanting an eight-year old Assistant happen?  
ROMANO: The babysitters would like to meet the two of you and Ryan and Murdoc taught Emmy  
how to make C4 in vomit basins. How've you been?  
ROMANO'S PARROT: If wishes were horses, we'd all be knee-deep in CRAP!!  
MARGO PIKE: Who's Freddy Krueber?  
CLAIRE PIKE: Freddy Krueber Silly-Billy-goo-goo!  
FREDDY: Excuse me while I vomit.  
MURDOC: Let's be psychos! Ride, Bill, RIDE!!!  
EMMY: Hi ho Psychopaths AWAY!!!!!  
  
#26: WILD WILD SPOOFED MESS***(Status-in progress, by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Parody of "Wild Wild West", starring Will Smith and Kevin Kline  
  
CHRIS: (about Newman) The spoof hasn't even started and he's already gonna get an Oscar.  
GILES: About me dying. Why wasn't I told?  
GERARD: (about Zorro/Diego) Yeah, we left him a trail of post-it-notes. I'm sure he'll show   
up before his scene.  
GERARD: (to Newman) I don't even want to know where your gun is.....by the way, Biggs said   
you have nice legs.  
BLUE: (about Newman) Aww, now I'm gonna have nightmares.  
GERARD: Cosmo, just read it, or I'LL shoot you!  
FIDDLES: (about Jay) Ack! Dumb human attacking me! Help! Help! HELP!! Someone please  
rescue me!  
GLORY: (with the opera glasses and speaking with a thick accent) Get out of my vay, get out   
of my vay. U.S. Army, U.S. Marshal..........You look better as a woman. U.S. Marshal shoots  
U.S. Army.......  
NEWMAN: Sorry, there have been a lot of death threats lately. The cabinet made me hire  
all these *beep* detectives. Drink? Cigar? Donut with little sprinkles on it?  
GERARD: (to Newman) Nice try, Noah. Keep that up and someday it'll kill you......oh wait, it  
already did.  
  
**Oops, I was wrong. No new quotes for this one**  
  
#27: A SPOOF OF CHAMELEON ***(Status-in progress, by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Parody of "A Spell for Chameleon" the 1st Xanth novel, by Piers Anthony  
  
DOR: (about a very fatguy from Xanth) We've been telling that guy to diet for a long time.   
His name is "Cellu-light." You'd think it would mean he was light.  
TRENT: (about Chameleon) She just grounded the King of Xanth.  
ROMANO: Hey we only put out the facts. If you look stupid it's your own fault.  
ARDETH: Can you horse-rears be quiet?! I want to eventually get in the story.  
MIDNIGHT MUSE: Never trust your cat to drive your house across the ocean.  
FIDDLES: (runs in) Evil Martian pigs are coming chased by "Eck the Lion". Help!! HELP!! Run   
for your lives the sky is about to fall! Run, run, RUN!! We must escape before the evil bunnies   
arrive!  
ANYANKA: EVIL BUNNIES?!? (screams) KEEP THEM AWAY!!!  
FIDDLES: Evil poisonous bunnies!!!! Martian bunnies!!!  
THE ONE RING: (to the script) Shut-up. Nobody cares. They won't give YOU an Oscar. You are  
far from being in any way important. You are nothing but a useless paper. Me, on the other  
hand, has recieved an Oscar. I'm so important.  
SCRIPT: That Oscar won't do you any good once they cast you into the fires of Mount Doom!  
CARTER: Let's just skip the examination and exile me already.  
CARTER: Hey, look at me! I'm on one side! (steps across the Shield) I'm on the other.   
(steps right in the Shield between both sides) Is this really all that critical? Hey everyone!  
I have a talent SEE! I'm gonna let Ardeth in to conquer Xanth!  
CARTER: (snickering) No. I never killed anyone.  
ROMANO: (spits his drink out) Is this the same guy who killed the med-team?  
CARTER: I'm innocent....(sounding completely honest) I was framed, I tell you, FRAMED!!!  
ROMANO: (starts choking)  
CARTER: (after learning they were headed for the Shield) We're gonna die!  
HARDING: The Shield won't hurt YOU!!  
CARTER: (about Harding & Harpo) Oh right, YOU'RE gonna die!  
DOR: (about the "bug") Um....are you sure that isn't a clump of mud?  
ROMANO: It's a BUG!!  
CLUMP OF MUD: No, I'm mud.  
ROMANO: It's a bug. Who are you going to believe, me or a talking clump of mud?  
CARTER: (to Harding about the seaserpant) Why don't you show it your face? It might scare  
it away.  
HARDING: (to Carter) Why don't we offer you as a peace offereing, so the rest of us can get  
away?  
  
BETWEEN THE SPOOFS/ER AND THE TERRIBLE YOUTH ELIXIR INCIDENT (Complete)  
************************************************************************  
--Takes place after Forbidden Spoof Hunter and in the middle of Chameleon--  
  
CHRIS MASON: (to Greene) Who creamed your widow? (dartboard)  
GREENE: (with a guilty look) It was an accident.  
JIMMY BOND: (to Romano) Wow, you're the Chief of Staff? Does that mean you like run the   
place?  
DR DAVE: This is the LAST time I answer an invatation! LOOK at me! I haven't even hit  
PUBERTY yet!  
GREENE: I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad I'm dead.  
ROMANO: (to Anspaugh) If you do not put me down this instant, you're FIRED! I don't care   
if I AM five! I'm still the Chief of Staff!  
ANSPAUGH: Does anyone have some aspirin? I think I need about a bottle and a half.  
BENTON: Are you sure you don't need a rabies shot? We don't exactly know where his  
[Romano] mouth has been.  
SHIRLEY: Robert, if you were my child, I'd PAY someone to kidnap you!!!  
WOLVIE: I have three daddies and two mommies. Dada Pip, and Mama Jemima, she's a cat, and   
my other mommy is a Vampire Slayer, and my daddy Spike is a Vampire, and my other daddy is a   
big ugly smelly gorilla!  
ROMANO: (about the ketchup and mustard wall mural) Nice work, all you need now is some   
pickle relish and a hotdog.  
ROMANO: All the people who have tried to sue the hospital....and now we're being threatened   
by a CRASH CART!  
SHIRLEY: (to Romano) Say "Uncle!"  
DR DAVE: (whispering loudly) I see DEAD people!!!  
DR BENTON: Didn't I pronounce that guy two hours ago?  
DR CARTER: It can't be good publicity to have zombies shedding clumps of body parts all over  
the hospital.  
CASSI: (in Romano's office, talking to Kerry) I'm his daughter, but we still don't know who my   
mother is yet.  
DAVE: (about Sven) She's a homicidal maniac!  
CARTER: What am I, chopped liver?  
WEAVER: I have an Irish guy who's high on morphine, and an English guy, also on morphine,  
who needs 150 stitches removed from his arm, he swears was nearly bitten off by a large   
dinosaur who thinks he's a dog named Bill.  
BENTON: (to Connie) I've met the Elf-Prince of Mirkwood, Groucho Marx, a talking dog, Buffy  
the Vampire Slayer, the King of the Goblins, Archangel of the X-Men, Pharaoh Nightcrawler the  
First, Pikachu, and Mulder and Scully of the X-Files. How've you been?   
BENTON: (about Fiddles) I don't care if it IS greean and singing! What's it doing in the   
EMERGENCY ROOM!?  
ROMANO: (to Cassi) Actually, I'd rather blow Kerry all over the ER and let the Compys eat her   
miserable little pieces.  
CASSI: These five year olds...they're so violent these days. So young, so angry. Darn that rap   
music!!!  
PASTOR RAY: If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don't come running to me.  
  
**gulity look--see other notes** Everything from here down is all new....obviously since all  
this happened after Youth Elixir**Enjoy..  
  
#28 THE FORBIDDEN SPOOF: THE CHASE **Status--in progress, by Cassi**  
***************************************************************  
RANDI: (to Romano, reguarding the antennas) Why do you have those things on your head?  
ROMANO: Because if we wear them anywhere else, they chaffe.  
CASSI: (about transcripts for Jurassic 3) You can take them if you want, Rob.  
ROMANO: Yeah, sure. I'll hold the pencil in one hand and work the remote with my foot.  
CHRIS KNIGHT: (about the audience) They're all LOOKING at me!!!  
ELIZABETH CORDAY: (narrating about Tara) Right, she's brushing her hair, when she sees   
another face in the mirror. So unless she's grown an extra head, someone has walked in behind  
her.  
ROMANO: Because seeing a group eating together makes you think they're plotting murder...  
(pauses) I wondered why the waitresses always stare at us when we go out to eat.  
SVEN: And here we thought it was because Dor could make the food talk. Silly us.  
LUCY: Nah, they can't possibly be staring at that. It's because they think we're plotting murder.  
CHRIS: That or the giant spider.  
DR CARTER: In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.  
ARDETH: (reguarding Storm's story) She's implying they talk too much.  
SVEN: So does Groucho Marx, but that has nothing to do with a telephone pole.  
  
BETWEEN THE SPOOFS "ER VS THE INFESTATION OF JEFFERY" This stuff should sound  
familiar......^_~  
*******************************************************  
JERRY: (to Cassi, about Romano) His Majesty was in the trauma room about a minute ago.  
Do you want me to page him?  
CASSI: Yeah, tell him Satan still wants his soul.  
HALEH: (about Fruit by the Foot) Do you people know what's in those things?  
CARTER: Yeah, we're pretty sure it's heroin, but we can't prove it.  
CHUNY: Dr Romano, the patient that came in for the sutures just crashed.  
CASSI: Maybe he saw Pratt and had a heart attack.  
SUSAN: (to Cassi) Are you back again to try to make Romano sell himself to the Dark Side?  
ROMANO: Great, so I have to call up Kerry and tell her to be on the look out for a bunch of  
killer spiders?!  
CASSI: You mean we have to TELL her?! Can't we wait till they bite her?  
CASSI: (on the phone) And hurry up and get Atherton down here before the whole building  
drops DEAD!  
ROMANO: Uh, Cassi, do you think you could get any louder? I don't think they heard you  
in SCOTLAND yet!  
CASSI: (about the med student) Who is this?  
ROMANO: The future of medicine.  
CASSI: Well put him back in his cage before I SHOOT the future of medicine!  
SUSAN: (about the people looking for the spiders) Think we should tell them that one bite can  
kill an elephant?  
ROMANO: (to Dave) If you still worked here, I'd have you fired.....however, since you don't,  
I'm having you killed instead. (throws the spider on him)  
CASSI: (about Jumanji) Look on the bright side. When the bats come, they'll eat the spiders....  
or the spiders will eat the spiders, either way, the spiders get eaten, and if you understand that  
one, you're good.  
SVEN: (in a flat monotone) Oh look, Fat Butt has come to stop us. Help help. Run for the hills,  
save yourself.  
MR GLASSES: (answering the ER phone) We're sorry, but this ER is now closed to patients.  
We just had a stempede come through the place, and we're advising all our doctors to carry  
shotguns from now on.  
ROMANO: (about Abby being his and Corday's daughter) Oy, this sucks.  
ABBY: Mom! Daddy doesn't LOVE me!  
ROMANO: (to Lizzie) I TOLD you to call the adoption agency, but you just wouldn't listen.  
GREENE: When gremlins, play with chainsaws, I've learned not to look.  
ROMANO: (to Burt) You know, she (Lizzie) still has the vial of healing elixir Cassi gave me.  
BURT: (looking at her bikini) Really? Where do you suppose she PUT it?!  
IVY: (about Jason Voorhees) I made a NEW FRIEND, and he's the nicest person in the whole  
world and my new Knight in Shiney armor!  
ROMANO: NO! GET HIM OUT OF HERE!  
IVY: But he's the nicest man in the whole world, and he's super brainy smart!  
ROMANO: I don't care if he was voted nicest psycopathic murderer in his class, GET HIM  
OUT OF MY AMBULANCE BAY!!!  
MURDOC: And parents worry about what kinds of pets kids bring home in the REAL world!  
CHRIS: But Daddy, he followed me home.  
ROMANO: Mmm, Crocodile sushi.....  
CASSI: (looking at the pool) Just what we need. Croc sushi, with drowned spiders, crispy  
gremlins, and a half eaten giant python.  
LIZZIE: Well, on the bright side, it took care of most of the spiders....  
CHRIS: Yeah, but now there's floaties in the pool.  
JIMMY M: I think "floaties" is an understatement.  
CASSI: (after Romano kicks all the spiders out) Never underestimate the power of short ex-  
surgeons who've recently suffered a psychotic breakdown.  
MR. GLASSES: Excuse me, Dr. Jason, might I borrow your large scalpel?  
**************************************************************************  
Well folks, it's all over.....we'll have new quotes written eventually, and we'll be sure to include  
them in the next Breaktime Spoof, that will (as we said) be posted under "Movies/Pirates of  
the Carribean".....and Port Royal will never know what hit them........  
  
"It's the end of the world as we know it.....and I feel fine" ^_^  
  
Please don't hesitate to review, and Breaktime Spoofs Strike 3 will be coming SOON!!!!  
Thankyou to all of you who reviewed....if I named them all....I'd have to go look them up.  
Anyhow, Becca, Deb, Amanda, YeBritishBabe, The Admiral, Matt, and anyone else I  
may have forgotten....don't hold it against me, I'm on drugs.....winter is coming.....We love  
you all, and please come back for the other spoofs!!!!  
--Cassi & Sven 


End file.
